Either way I'm really starting to think that maybe I wasn't wired properly. Why? Well, George and I are cheesy and we watch things like "Say Yes to the Dress" where they have brides trying on wedding dresses and of course they have to say YES to the dress so the bridal consultant can make her commission and believe me, with some brides its like mission impossible to get a yes! 90% of these bride to be chicks CRY when they find their dress. They just break down and start bawling and of course their mom/sister/aunt/cousin/entire fucking entourage cries when they see the dress on the bride to be comes out in "THE DRESS". I dunno. I didn't cry. I saw myself in my dress and said "Oh damn this looks great...but I'm going to keep on looking". And thats what I did. I continued to try on other gowns because I didn't want to buy the very first dress I tried on without continuing to look.
I went back at the end of that day and told them I'd like to buy the dress I tried on that morning. No tears, no shaky hands believing that this was actually happening. I knew I was buying THE DRESS without the water works. My sister cried. Both times. My mom cried when she went with my sister to find the dress. Me, I'm a freaking rock. I'm like "thats cool. I like it". I just don't cry.
Now that I'm pregnant and others around me are pregnant I think I'm strange still. I didn't cry when I first heard Demi's heartbeat. I just smiled and giggled a little bit, actually a lot. I think it was nervous laughter but I was excited, but not enough to bring me to tears. When I first saw Demi on the ultra sound again I didn't cry. I just told George, "Oh my god, look at our little person!" and I was happy. Over the moon, no tears. We found out that our little person was a girl and I didn't cry. I smiled and said, "I look forward to meeting you Demi."
I don't keep a pregnancy journal, I don't mark down my feelings each and every single day, and gasp, every now and then I forget to take my prenatal vitamins. I'm not a pregnancy nazi and not every single one of my conversations revolves around being pregnant, my pregnancy, or my soon to be daughter. I can talk about anything and everything. My pregnancy hasn't consumed my life. In fact, a lot of the companies that I work with (buyers, distributors, dealers) don't even know that I'm pregnant because I'm not the type that is going to shout it out from the roof tops. Believe me, I'm so happy and excited. I just can't wait for the day I give birth but does it mean that I'm not normal because I haven't allowed this to take over my life? Because I didn't cry when I heard the heart beat or when I saw her for the first time on the ultra sound? Does that mean I'm going to be a bad mom? An uncaring mom? Or God forbid a cold mom like one of George's aunts? I don't think so. I mean, I guess, I'm just pregnant but still the same great Jenny. This is just one aspect of my life that's changed and I really wish that other pregnant people would realize this. Seriously, your pregnancy isn't the only thing I want to hear about. How are YOU doing?! How is work? How is everything in your life besides your pregnancy?
It's annoying. Before you get pregnant you start to get fed up with all the questions, "So when are you guys going to have kids," "Are you trying," "When can we expect a new addition?" and then after you are pregnant you get tired of all the new questions, "Are you feeling sick?" "Do you want to know if its a boy or a girl," "Have you felt the baby move,"? My replies is "I'm fine and how are you?" It's really funny I've gotten more phone calls from family members in the past 5 months than I have in the last 10 years I've lived in Montreal.
How rare is it that I cry? When my daddy walked me down the aisle at church on my wedding day I actually HEARD people say, "Oh my God, Jenny is crying, take a picture take a picture!" or "No way, shes CRYING?!" Maybe I'll cry when Demi is born and put into my arms? Maybe I'll just smile and be speechless while looking down at the bundle of joy in my arms?
Does my lack of crying mean I'm not normal?