Monday, December 27, 2010

  Do you think before you post?

Have you ever really wanted to say something on the internet and then stopped and thought..."Wait, my cousin can read this...." I'm sure we've all been there. We want to say something on Facebook, Twitter, your blog, or wherever, and you just can't because a family member, a friend, or a co-worker may see it.

I hate it. I seriously do. I'm a venter. I do NOT keep things inside and normally my blog is the place I turn to in order to just let it all out. I don't feel like it is wrong but I do feel like it can be seen as wrong. I mean we've all heard the horror stories of people getting fired (or sometimes not hired), family members not talking to each other any longer, or long time friends throwing a friendship away based on something posted on the internet.

I've been there. Well, I was never fired but I did start an anonymous blog about a year and a half ago because I needed to vent and I knew that one of my co-workers stalked my blog, twitter, and facebook in order to email my boss anytime I'd refer to her. My co-worker was obviously extremely intimidated by me and then I just got fed up of hiding behind an anonymous blog. It's not who I am. I got rid of that blog and just said "Fuck it". If someone gets offended by what I say then too damn bad for them. It's not like I write something online and never own up to it. Anything I write online I can, will, and probably have said to their face.

So what brings this up? I had a dream last night and it was very odd. I had a dream that George and I were celebrating some kind of event. It was probably Demi's baptism but I have no idea since that part wasn't in the dream. Anyway, people give envelope gifts (cash!) at these types of events so it was the next morning and George and I were opening the envelopes. I opened an envelope from my God brother Bobby. It was a big fold out card and he had written a lot in the card. He wrote, 1st Congratulations. The next fold had a 2nd and then it had small writing on it. I remember in my dream I brought the card closer to me so I could read it and it said something about "the chaos the internet caused". Then George woke me up. I didn't get to read any more and I was very upset. I got woken up from something interesting that didn't feature Paul Walker.

So when I woke up from bed I tried to think of why would Bobby write something like that in a card. Then I thought about it. I totally bashed his mom on my Facebook last year around my baby shower. I didn't invite my God mother, the lady who baptized me, to my baby shower. I felt (and still feel) like that relationship is dead in the water and we only invite each other to events out of "obligation" and not because we want to. Actually, wait, no, she doesn't invite me, my mom MADE me invite her. My mom made me invite my god parents to my engagement, wedding shower, and wedding. My god mother did NOT invite me to her sons' (both sons) engagements, wedding showers for their brides, baptism for one grandchild, but invited me to both weddings. Like seriously?

Why would you invite me to the wedding but none of the events leading up to it? Why would you NOT invite me but you invite all your other god children? I'll tell you why. Our relationship is very strained. I moved away when I was 4. She didn't see me again until I was 14. I moved back when I was 18. We saw each other in the beginning a lot and then I moved out of my aunt's house and I never saw my god mother again unless it was a special occasion. I got sick of it. I don't want them to come because they feel they HAVE to and I don't want to be invited because they HAVE to invite me. So I made a decision and told my mom that I would NOT be inviting my god mother to my baby shower nor would I be inviting their family to Demi's baptism. The last event that I would attend for them would be Bobby's wedding.

My God mother bought me a gift for Demi. She knew she wasn't invited to the baby shower because my aunt and uncle are some how related to her. What does she do? She goes and buys D an outfit (A Christmas dress for a 3 month old (D was set to be born in April), a snow suit for a 3 month old (again baby was born in April), and some ugly shoes. The whole thing must have cost $12 from the Wal-Mart post Christmas sale ( baby shower was in February). She doesn't bring the gift to me. She takes it to my sister's work and asks my sister to bring it to me. Seriously? How fucking ghetto are you? She writes a card and in that card she writes that she is very sorry that we have lost touch over the years but it's my fault. So wait, are you giving me a gift solely to find a way to turn the situation around and make me at fault?

My mom kept on urging me to call my god mother and thank her very much for the gift. I told her that I would be sending a thank you card to her like I am for everyone else who attended the baby shower. But my thank you card isn't a generic "thank you". I always write "thank you for the _______ I'm sure Demi will enjoy it when _____" or something to that extent.

My thank you to my God mother was a bit harsh. I thanked her for the gift and then continued to tell her that blaming me for her errors was tacky. I told her that after my engagement I sent her a thank you card telling her how thankful I was for the thoughtful gift she got me and how we've lost touch and should get together for dinner or coffee one day. I left my cell number and said to call when she is ready. She never called. I said "Fuck it". In the card I told her she was to blame and that after her son's wedding we could consider it the end of the relationship. I also told her how I was holding back/being nice in my card out of respect for my parents. She did not congratulate me on the birth of my daughter at her son's wedding and she barely acknowledged my being there. It was great. It made ending the relationship even easier.

So then I started thinking this morning. Do I really trash people that badly on the internet that it causes chaos in their lives? Yeah I do...BUT...lets be honest here. I do NOT write anything on my blog that I haven't already said to their face. Sure I called my god mother a bitch on Facebook. I basically wrote the exact same thing in the card I sent her only I worded it more nice. I've posted about how my co-worker can drive me up the wall and back and called her out on her lies BUT I have discussed the issue with my boss and let him know how I feel about her and the situation. I've called the co-worker a liar to my boss and he's confronted her on it. I've called out my cousin for not sharing holidays on my blog and YES I've told her how I think its very selfish of her and how I hated it and would not go to her home until she learns to share (guess what this year she shared).

You always hear people talk tough on twitter and on their blogs. I may talk tough but I do back it up and I'll always say it to your face.

So my advice to you, before blogging, tweeting, or updating your status about your friends, family, and co-workers, be sure that you can own up to it if ever confronted. If you can't then think twice before hitting submit!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

  Jealousy & Hypocrisy

So here I am blogging again. That makes twice in one week. I am patting myself on the back and I think you should all give me a high five. I don't think I've EVER done least not since Demi was born.

So my last blog post got some people worked up. There wasn't much action in terms of comments on the blogs but the feedback on Twitter was overwhelming. (That is a great thing). Apparently I was not the only Tweeter/Blogger to get annoyed by BMM. One of BMM's friends, mignons, lovers, admirers, asshole lickers was very quick to attack on twitter while NOT saying it to me.

BirthBabiesBitch (BBB) was making passive aggressive comments on Twitter regarding my blog but apparently didn't have the balls to address her comments or concerns directly to me. Now seeing as how I unfollowed her I had her tweets brought to my attention from other people who think she is as dumb as I KNOW she is.

Her snide comments were along the lines of "I love how jealous people trying to slam popular bloggers to get attention to their blog" "Some people are just so jealous of other bloggers success" Once I saw those tweets I replied directly to BBB telling her that I'm NOT jealous. What do I care if someone has 203478023948203942 sponsors? Does this look like a blog that is actively looking for sponsors? Does my writing scream "Please let me pimp out your products and I'll write great things about it?" Uh no. This is a venting blog, a personal blog, MY BLOG. I don't want sponsors, I don't want people paying me to write about their products by either giving me advertising money or free products, I don't want to feel like my blog is a job.

So apparently I was just blogging about BMM in order to get attention to my blog. Seriously? Before the post I wrote earlier in the week my last blog was written in September. Two freaking months ago...three now that we hit December. Do you really think I'm trying to up my follower count? Do you really think that was my purpose? If you do then you really are a stupid cu- Oh wait, I'd call you a cunt but you really don't have the depth of the warmth.....

Then I got called a hypocrite because I wrote on Twitter that my blog hits had gotten really high off of one post. BBB writes (again not to me) something along the lines of "I like how people who slam popular bloggers in one tweet talk about their blog hits in the next. Hypocrite". Really? I'm a hypocrite? Really? Me?! I'm not allowed to be shocked at the number of people who read that blog? I'm not allowed to comment on it? I wonder if BBB has ever heard of cause and effect? But really, me? A hypocrite?

Isn't a hypocrite someone who says they won't do something and then they do it? Like, "Oh my god. I believe every woman should fight till her dying breath for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) and then they schedule a c-section". I'm fairly certain that falls under the category of hypocrite. Now don't get me wrong. I have nothing against c-sections. I'm not an "vist" of any kind (lactavist, VBACvist, Intactivist). I believe everyone should do what is best for their family and their current situation but I HATE when people are like " many c-sections in this country are done for no medical reason what so ever. More women should fight for their right to have a VBAC. They need to find doctors willing to support their decision yadda yadda yadda. And what do they do next? They decide to schedule a c-section because "well my case is a medical case". Um are you sure? You can't try? You preach to everyone about at least TRYING a VBAC yet you schedule a c-section months in advance of your due date! Oh but I forgot. I'm a hypocrite! Whatever.

BBB has also called me an internet thug, or trying to act all hard behind a computer screen. I just have one thing to tell her and all of you. THIS IS ME. I'm exactly the same way in real life. I have a big mouth and if it pops into my head you'll hear about it. I'm not afraid to say what I feel. My blog is named Giftedly-Outspoken for a reason. I'm outspoken. My mother always taught me to speak my mind (although I'm sure she hoped I'd be more tactful). My grade 9 Physical Science teacher wrote in year book that my openness and honesty was refreshing but sometimes I'd look better if I held my tongue. After I read that I opened my mouth, grabbed my tongue and started talking to her. I let go of my tongue and I told her "I guess you're wrong. Holding my tongue isn't a good look for me."

I'm not an internet thug, I'm not a bully, and I'm not acting hard. This is just who I am. If you don't like it I invite you to unfollow the blog, unfollow me on twitter, or click the X in the upper right hand corner of your computer screen.

'Til next time!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

  Open Letter to CuntfaceBabyMakingMama

Let me preface this blog by warning you all that it's NOT nice. Let me also warn you that I don't give a damn if you think I'm not nice and I don't care if you post comments calling me a bitch. Let's try telling me something I don't already know!!

Dear CuntfaceBabyMakingMama,
Over the past few months I've watched you go from nice, to tolerable, to slightly annoying, to shut the fuck up you stupid bitch. It really didn't take long to get from Point A to Point B. Your annoying factor would escalate by the minute...second even.At first I didn't understand why people thought you were annoying. I thought you were just a lost little soul who was utterly confused about every aspect of pregnancy, breast feeding, and raising a kid. I mean, for fucksake, you posted questions on your blog and twitter practically every 15 minutes. Then upon closer examination I realized what you were doing. You were PURPOSELY asking controversial questions on twitter to drive traffic to your blog. Why would someone do that? Ohhhh I know. You wanted a sponsored pregnancy! You wanted companies to pay you or give you shit to advertise on your blog since you were getting traffic. Hmmmmm...

What I find hilarious is that you claim to be a journalist and that you post these types of questions in order to "get both sides of the story". I have an idea... Why don't you shut the fuck up and do what most normal journalist do. RESEARCH. Woah. What a fucking new concept. I mean crack open books, bust out the computer and research what doctors have said, what experts think. Why take it to Twitter and your blog? You want to know what "real" people think? Oh c'mon. How many people lie on the internet?! I can sit there and say that I'm a 100% Attachment Parenting type of person and I co-sleep, baby wear, breast feed etc.... and give YOU advice about something I know NOTHING of. So no you dumb bitch, you aren't doing it to find out what people think or to get both sides of every story. You are doing it in order to get more traffic to your blog in order to get people to pay you. Basically, you are whoring yourself out. I'm very sure that the Church of Latterday Saints is happy that you are not only whoring out yourself but your kid too.

So, one of your main reasons for breast feeding is because you were "cheap" (Your words not mine) and you weren't "broke enough yet" to cloth diaper (I guess you got broke enough since you do it now?) yet you suddenly have money to buy a skeptic of cloth diapering a starter set? Ironically enough this starter set is the same kind from a company that sponsors you. I'm gonna go out on a not so big limb here and say that you aren't buying shit. It's being given to you like a whole bunch of other things. Do I have an issue with free things? Not at all. I do however have issues with sponsored pregnancies and sponsored "raising of children". Stop and think...Would Lil J actually have all the stuff she has if you weren't a "sponsored" parent. If companies weren't giving you shit for free would your kid have the shit she has? The answer is NO because you are a self proclaimed cheapo. I mean, 20$ on your water bill increase has made you start washing less often etc. So basically Lil J would have a completely different life if it weren't for your "sponsors". I wonder if all your sponsors know what a two faced bitch you are.

You like to come across as completely sweet and innocent and get oh so offended if someone writes something mean about you. You like to play the victim. You aren't the victim you are the anti-victim. You like controversy because it gets you attention. Well here is the last bit of it you'll ever get from me.

By the way, before you call someone a troll I suggest you take a family picture and stare at it and try to figure out who actually LOOKS like a troll.

In case you need a little refresher... TROLL

ETA: I've decided to edit this post a little bit in order to add a few important bits!

1. I have NO issue with mother who generate revenue from their blogs. I don't mind people who do giveaways on their blogs (Hell, I enter them). I don't like when people pretend to be all about the "info" and "interaction" while they are actually trying to get sponsored or make money off their blogs.

2. The Cuntface mentioned above keeps on posting on Twitter about Cry It Out (CIO) or Feberizing her baby. CIO is basically letting your child cry themselves to sleep. They call it "self soothing". This dumb bitch claims to be doing a "softer" Feber method...then later admits that she is trying a technique that she HASN'T read the book on! She is just picking and choosing what she wants to hear. A soft or hard version of Feber still equals CRYING IT OUT. Doesn't matter if your kid cries for 2 minutes or 3 hours, crying it out is crying it out. DUMB BITCH.

3. As you can see from the comments below, I'm not the only person who thinks this about her and I am NOT the first one who has called her out on it. @CrunchyVTMommy also has written a post on her. (Find it by clicking on her Twitter user name! Links you directly to her post!)

4. I still think shes stupid. That opinion will not be changing any time soon.

5. It irks me that people actually sponsor her and let her spew random shit out. How can Bravado let her blog for them? Do I want to take breast feeding advice from someone who doesn't know shit about it? Do I want to take breast feeding advice or follow the journey from someone who started giving their kid "sneaks" of her adult food. Seriously? Bravado wants us to learn something from her!? I use the term "us" loosely because I am not a breastfeeding mom but you get my point right?

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

  Are we a weaker race now?

Well well well. What do we have here. Me...blogging? Hell must have frozen over....or wait, maybe I just found a few minutes to myself? I think its the latter no?

I've had this topic in my head for a while and then I finally decided to just go for it. You know what it is? It's about how freaking sensitive we've become as a "people". Everyone gets their panties in a bunch over the smallest thing. They take something not aimed towards them as an attack towards them, their race, their religion, their sex, their sexuality or whatever. It's like, Get over it already! Not only that...are we weaker as a race? As society?

What do I mean? must be living under a rock if you haven't seen Jersey Shore. All of a sudden all Italian Americans got all offended that they were being misrepresented. Yes...the entire world must think ALL Italians act like horny walking STDs.... When I watch that show do I assume that every Italian likes to be called a guido or guidette? Do I assume they all travel with a carry on full of BRONZER? Do I assume they all like to drink up a storm and will fuck anything that has two legs and a warm hole? Um no. What do I think? I think it makes for some seriously entertaining television. I think that these kids are making asses of THEMSELVES and portraying themselves in a way that I'm sure in 5 years they'll be embarrassed by. If ANYONE watches that show and decides to lump all Italians into one big do you put it nicely? They are FUCKING DUMB....Yeah that just about covers it! (Oh and maybe someone should let them know that the majority of the cast are NOT Italian...)

Moving on...

Another hot topic is peanut free schools. Do I get it? Yeah, I can totally get it but at the same time I don't. I realize some people are deathly allergic to nuts but how exactly is it the fault of everyone else?! *Collective gasp* Yeah I said it. I'm sorry when I was in school people were allergic to nuts and they never made our schools peanut free. In fact if you forgot your lunch or lunch money at home the school provided you with....a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and milk! Yes the SCHOOL GAVE OUT PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES! Well what if you are allergic? Um, you speak up and say "I'm allergic can I have a grilled cheese instead!?" Yeah its that simple. Please don't tell me that young kids won't know better. A family friend came over to visit us when Demi was first born. They brought their 3 year old. I said hi to her and she said this, "Hi I'm Eva and I'm allergic to nuts.." THREE YEARS OLD! Right away I knew what NOT to offer her. Did I still leave the nuts out for the adults. I sure as hell did. They, as parents, are responsible for their child. They shouldn't allow their kid to eat nuts...not stop everyone else from having nuts.

If we think about it a lot of people are now being diagnosed with Celiac disease, the inability to breakdown/digest gluten. Do they insist that the school become gluten free? What about those who are allergic to penicillin... do we insist none come into the school?

I think every parent should properly pack their child's lunch. I think the parents should explain to the kids about allergies and the dangers of trading a sandwich or snack with a kid...a kid should know what they are allergic to and just not eat anything with it. Why should the entire school become peanut free?

Was it that allergies weren't that dangerous when I was in grade school? Is it that the school board just didn't give a flying fuck? Maybe our parents didn't care enough about us to insist the school become peanut free? Oh wait, maybe we were just a bit tougher back then and we weren't babied to death. We were supposed to know what could harm us and not harm us...

Okay maybe this one will make you hate me...Why do we coddle our children sooooooo much? What do I mean? The smallest thing happens to our kids and then we think "they need professional help" "they need to speak to someone"... I totally get it if something tragic happens, a parent dies, they are sexually assaulted or whatnot. But NOT EVERYTHING WARRANTS FACE TIME WITH A SHRINK!!

There are two teenagers that I know that have had some medical issues. Nothing that can kill them, not cancer, just medical problems. Guess what? Their doctors recommended they talk to a child therapist in order to discuss how they are feeling because apparently being sick can make you sick in the head. Yeah. I said it. I'm a bitch.

When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with an immune disease that affects my muscles and my use of said muscles. Which muscles? Every single freaking muscle. This is something that would affect my every day life. I had to make changes. I had to take medication...wait, let me rephrase that...I HAVE to make changes, I HAVE to take medication. Do you know how we dealt with that? I went home from the doctor with my dad. I EXPLAINED TO MY PARENTS what the doctor said best I could (old fashioned Greek parents that totally aren't getting what immuno-suppressants and nerons etc are) in some kind of horrible translation, I explained what the medication would do, and we made the changes that we needed to. If I was having a bad day (pitying myself) I'd talk to my mom or sister about it. I'd bitch. I'd complain. I'd read. I'd listen to music. I coped. Nowadays, this type of thing could harm a child. It can make them hate themselves. They need PROFESSIONAL freaking help.

Were we expected to be tougher back then? Did our parents not care about us? Did the doctors not care about us? Was my (and other children patients) mental health not a concern to the doctors? Do we know more today about how certain things can affect a child's mental health then we did back when I was 13? Or is it that we are just softer as a whole. We coddle our children more don't let them develop a thick skin. We don't let them deal with issues. We try to protect them so much that by the time they get out in the real world they are going to be completely and totally fucked up. They aren't going to know what hit them.

I dunno, maybe I'm a bitch but I think that we just coddle EVERYONE, adults and children alike, way too much and its making for a softer, weaker, overly sensitive population. :(

Sunday, July 25, 2010

  Relationship Rules...oh wait, I mean common sense!

You know the types of things that people post on Twitter and Facebook are extremely alarming. Seriously, people feel so comfortable in the cyberworld that they forget that people in the real world really know them. I don't get why people post half the crap they do...but they do and of course that leaves people like me something to blog about so I don't mind so much.

From my past few years of social networking and my recent year of twittering I've picked up a few relationship rules that I figured I'd share with you. Hell, I might be saving your relationship as we speak. You can totally thank me later. I also accept tips via my paypal :)

1. If you don't want people questioning why you are in a certain relationship stop writing crazy shit as your status or latest blog post. If you tell everyone that your husband hits you...people will call him abusive. If you tell people that he constantly ridicules you, they will still call him abusive as well as scum and other choice words. Don't expect because the next day he bought you flowers for everyone to be "Oh that's so freaking sweet!" It's called sucking up because he wants your dumb ass to stick around so that he can continue to beat on you. He's an insecure man and you are insecure therefore an easy target for him. Don't find excuses for him, "Oh he was drunk. Oh he had a hard day at work. Oh his mom had really gotten under his skin that morning". I don't give one fucking shit how bad his day was, how much he drank, or who pissed him doesn't give ANYONE the right to take their shit out on their spouse. STOP complaining about how shitty he is and continue to stay with him and then make excuses. Get the fuck off of that train and soon. I seriously have a feeling in my stomach that one of my twitter friends will end up dead at her husbands hands within the next few years. Yes, its that bad.

2. CHILDREN DO NOT SAVE MARRIAGES. If you and your spouse are thinking of ending your relationship having a baby will NOT help. It might at first, for a few weeks, or months, or even a year but then all those feelings you felt will come up again and you'll still end up divorced....only now you are dragging innocent little kids into it. Eventually you will end up hating your spouse and likely resenting the kid too. Kids shouldn't be used as pawns in a marriage. Have kids when you are happy in your HEALTHY relationship and when BOTH of you want them. I have a friend from HS who was miserable in his marriage. He stayed with his wife for the sake of their first kid. The more they talked about divorce the more angry she got. She got herself knocked up again and now he's staying for the sake of the kids. He's miserable, she's miserable and the kids feel that tension. (Seriously folks, if you are thinking of divorcing your spouse how about you keep your private parts to yourself to this type of shit doesn't happen?)

3. ENTRAPMENT. What do I mean? Say you are that couple that has a super rocky relationship. You are together for a week, broken up for a week, together for 3 months, broken up for 1 month... yeah... those types of couples should seriously invest in birth control. Let's be honest, usually when people have those rocky relationships its because one person wants more than the other. Someone wants to get married and the other doesn' wants kids and the other doesn't. People that are on the same page rarely have roller coaster relationships. If you are in a relationship like this USE BIRTH CONTROL. If your girlfriend wants to get married and have kids and you don' NOT rely on her for birth control. Use a fucking condom. That is the type of girl who will "accidentally" get pregnant. Why? Because she thinks that by her being pregnant she'll get it all. The ring, the baby, the house, and the perfect life. It's RARELY like that. Okay, so say he does give you a ring. He proposes and agrees to marry that what you really want? You want a guy to marry you ONLY because he wants to do right by his child? He doesn't want to marry YOU for YOU...he's doing it because he feels PRESSURED by either his family or society to "do right by you"? I don't know about you but I have way too much self esteem and self respect to trap a man into marrying me. If you don't want me for me I'm not going to scheme to come up with plans to get you to marry me. I'm moving on honey. I mean, isn't that really shitty? You basically ruined someone else's life by tricking them and forcing them to be a husband and a father when they didn't want that at all for themselves? Oh, word to the wise, for those of you who have done this or plan on doing this DO NOT TELL ANYONE. Why? Because one day the cat will find its way out of the bag and you are going to drag other people through your shit and I'm sure they don't want to be there. Huh? Say you do this and you tell your best friend... or a good friend...or a friend in general. You guys have a huge fight. You both explode and say things that you either really mean or don't mean so much. Now trapped husband is listening and the friend screams something like, "oh yeah, at least I didn't trick "enternamehere" into marrying me bitch!" Yeah, you are pretty much screwed. Especially if boyfriend and you had trust issues prior to that. Do yourself a favor and don't tell anyone...not in real life, not on twitter, not on facebook. Take that shit to the grave.

Yeah so those are my few short tips. It's sad to think that its 2010 and some people still don't get it. It's not rocket science people, its freaking common sense! I'm sure I'll see more things and update this list in another blog post at a later date...until then....keep posting random shit for me to see! :)

Monday, May 31, 2010

  More Yummy in my Tummy

I don't know if many of you know this but I love food. Like seriously, food makes my world go round (and some times my stomach goes round too!).

I'm always looking for new and interesting recipes to try. A couple of weeks ago I went to a wedding and I didn't want to eat the food because I had been to another wedding there a few years back and the salad left a bad taste in my mouth. I hated it. It was arugula, sliced strawberries, pecans with a raspberry sauce. It didn't go well. So last night my husband made veal in the oven with potatoes and I said I'd make a side dish. I had fresh strawberries and I was dying to use them so I thought I'd try my hand at the wedding salad. I was sure I could do it better. Guess what...It was AWESOME.

Baby Spinach and Strawberry Salad

4 cups baby spinach washed and hand torn
2 cups of hulled and sliced strawberries
1/2 cup of lighted toasted pinenuts (or you can used sliced almonds lightly toasted)

Throw it all in a bowl :) Now comes the amazing dressing.

In a jar with a lid (or in a magic bullet) mix the following:

1 cup oil (your choice between olive oil or vegetable oil. I used olive)
1/2 cup of balsamic vinegar
1 tablespoon granulated sugar PLUS 1 teaspoon granulated sugar
1 teaspoon ground onion
1 teaspoon ground garlic
a dash of dry mustard

Cover the salad with it and toss to coat. Tastes DELISH! :) If you don't like the look of the dressing from the balsamic vinegar you can always use white balsamic vinegar which is a bit sweeter but also more expensive. This is an excellent summer salad.

Another good recipe and slightly more fattening....

Pork Tenderloin Strips

Take a pork fillet (pork tenderloin) and cut it into strips. About 4 inches long each and not too thick. You need:

1/2 cup flour
2 eggs lightly beaten
1 bag of potato chips beaten up (throw the bag in a food processor and spin it around for a couple of seconds)

Put each of the above ingredients in its own shallow bowl.

Take your strips and toss them in the flour, coat them with the egg, and then roll them in the potato chip crumbs. Put on a baking sheet.

Put in a preheated oven of 400 degrees and bake for 7 minutes, remove, turn over the strips and bake for another 7 minutes. If you want them extra golden finish them off under the broiler for a couple of minutes.

Serve with any type of dippin sauce. It's excellent with tzatzaki, honey mustard, barbeque or sweet and sour.

Friday, April 30, 2010

  My Birth Story

Well 21 days ago I gave birth to my beautiful little girl. I was BEYOND ready to give birth to her. My OBGYN had informed me that we'd take Demi out a little early due to her being concerned that she was small. I was expecting to deliver my little girl around the end of March, she was due on April 4th. Well after my last ultra sound we saw that Demi was NOT small but "average size" so we'd wait for me to deliver naturally but not allow me to go more than a few days past my due date.

Well I went more than a "few days" past my due date. After a week post due date my OB asked for me to be induced. However there was a long line up of women to be induced PLUS women just going into labor on their own. There was a list of 17 people waiting for an induction. I was getting so annoyed waiting to go into labor. I was freaking out. I wanted to NOT be pregnant anymore. I was so uncomfortable plus anxious. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't breathe. I was just kind of on the miserable side the 11 days. Everyday I would wake up and call the birthing center to see how far they were along on that list of 17 people. Each day I got told that the list was longer and they would call me when it was time. I didn't want to annoy the hospital by calling many times in a day because, lets be honest, you don't want to piss off the staff that is going to help you deliver. When they call they'll call right?

My sister in law came back from her Florida vacation and went to the birthing center to speak to the nurses (she works at the hospital I gave birth at). They told her that I was the next person on the list and of course my sister in law made me seem extremely miserable when speaking to the head nurse. As soon as my sister in law left the hospital they called me and told me to come into the hospital within the next hour and a half so we can start my induction. I was ecstatic as I had insisted that my husband take me to the mall so I could try walking to trigger labor. I got the call while in the mall! I was sooo excited. So I rush home to get my bags and something to eat. I was told by many people to eat before hand since they wouldn't let me eat at the hospital. As George is getting my bag into the trunk of the car I hear my phone ringing. I answer it and its the hospital. They tell me not to come in. Someone who was in the case room was actually in active labor and now they had no room. Seriously? What would happen if I went into labor naturally right then and there?

I hang up the phone and get all pissed off and sad. I sat on my couch and actually cried from anger and frustration. I started to laugh at one point wondering if this would cause me to go into labor. No such luck. Apparently I had scared everyone I know because no one bothered to call me. They knew how badly I wanted Demi out and of course when I got the call to go to the hospital I called and texted everyone that I was going to deliver my angel. When I found out I couldn't go I made George call everyone. I wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone. I was going to flip out. Eventually my sister in law came over. I wasn't happy about that. Not because it was my sister in law but because I wanted to be alone. She went home after a few hours and I told my husband that I was going to bed.

I went upstairs and took a shower and then got into bed. I was hoping to relax a bit. It didn't work. I couldn't sleep. I was in bed but unable to make my brain turn off. Around 1am I decided to wake up George because I wanted to talk. We talked about everything under the sun. We talked about our exes and how our lives would have been different had we ended up with them (I know weird things to talk about while you are heavily pregnant), we talked about how we planned on raising Demi, we talked about a lot of things. At one point I turned and looked at George and just told him, "Something is wrong," and he asked me what I meant by that. I just looked at him and said, "I don't know but something is really wrong." He told me to just relax and stop stressing. After about an hour I asked him, "What if Demi has swallowed meconium?" Again he told me to just relax and take it easy. He said my nerves were stressing me out and causing me to think the worse of everything. A bit later I told him, "I betcha my labor is going to happen so fast that I miss the window for an epidural" and he laughed at me telling me, "With as demanding as you are there is no way you can miss that window. You have signs ready." Eventually I fell asleep. (We had been awake talking from 1am to 6am). I woke up at 8am and told George that it was 8 and the hospital hadn't called yet. He tells me to call them. (My doctor had told me that come hell or high water I'd be induced on Thursday the 15th).

I call the birthing center and tell them my name (although I'm sure by now that they recognize my telephone number or voice!) and the nurse tells me. "We are going to call you in an hour to come in, they are just cleaning the room for you now". I'm over the moon. George and I had made plans in the middle of the night that we'd wake up, get ready for the day, go for breakfast at Le St-James Hotel and then go to the hospital. So of course now that I've heard this news I jump out of bed and go straight to the bathroom to start to get ready. Of course I have to pee. I pee, I wipe, and I see blood. Red blood. Not the blood of losing your mucus plug. I turn white and begin freaking out. I call out to George and tell him, "Something IS wrong. I'm bleeding." He of course freaks out. Then I realize I don't feel the baby moving and I don't remember when the last time I felt her was. While we were talking in the middle of the night I wasn't paying attention to if she was moving or not.

I tell him to go cut me some oranges so I can jump start the baby. Normally an orange gets her kicking my ass. It didn't work. In the car driving to the hospital, George kept asking me if I felt her moving or not and she wasn't. HELLO if she was moving I would have told you so maybe you can stop driving like a freaking maniac. As I'm in the car I'm using my telephone in order to google what would cause bleeding in late pregnancy. What did I find? Most common cause is a detached placenta. I start crying in the car because I'm bleeding, I can't feel the baby move and I'm thinking that I'm going to deliver a still born baby or something. I am totally freaking out. I go through my mind and tell myself that at 2am I peed and there was no blood, at 5am I peed and there was no if something serious happened it had only happened between 5am and 8am.

We get to the hospital and go straight to the birthing center. I go to the nurses desk and tell them that they are meant to call me in an hour to come in for induction but I'm bleeding and can't feel my kid moving. They take me straight to a case room and tell me to get into the hospital gown so they can hook me up to fetal monitors. They tell my husband to go down to admitting and have me admitted to the hospital. They have to do this before hooking me up to monitors. George looks at the nurse and says in a stern voice, "Hook my wife up to that machine so I can hear my daughter's heart beat and I'll be more than happy to go admit her." The nurse kind of rolled her eyes but hooked me up. Right away I heard Demi's heart beating strong and I relaxed instantly. I almost cried at this point.

George went downstairs to admit me to the hospital and my sister, cousin, and best friend all showed up at the hospital. As we were just sitting around talking my cousin told me, "Oh my God Jenny you are having contractions" and I said, "I am?!" Apparently the monitor was showing that I was having contractions every 3 to 4 minutes but they weren't very painful. Then they got painful but manageable. Apparently my threshold for pain is a lot higher than I thought it was.

A nurse comes into the room and starts to speak to me in French and I just looked at her as if she was from another planet. Nicole did the translation and informed me that I was now going to a room to give birth instead of sitting in the case room. The case room is where they decide if you are in active labor or not and the birthing room is...well thats pretty much clear cut and dry no?

So I go into a birthing room where I am told to change into yet another hospital gown and take off all my clothes including under garments.(Because apparently you can't have a vaginal delivery if you are wearing panties! Imagine that!). The nurse now puts an IV line in and hooks me up to something that is NOT saline. I ask the nurse what is happening and she says that they are inducing me.(Mind you I'm having a hard time understanding this lady. Her English is horrible and apparently she doesn't speak French very well either!). I ask her why they would be inducing me when I am having contractions steadily. She tells me that I'm not. I insist that she look at the print out from the monitors and she goes "Oh yes you are. Well you are on the schedule for an induction therefore we are inducing you." At this point I just want to give birth so I don't care how it happens although it doesn't make sense. Why cause me more pain when I'm in ACTIVE labor?

Two ladies walk into the room and introduce themselves as my nurses. One is a nurse with over 20 years experience and the other is a nursing student (this is a teaching hospital). I'm immediately relieved that the lady who didn't speak English or French isn't my nurse. I then ask the nurse for the epidural. I obviously don't waste any time. I know that when you are induced you have stronger (aka more painful) contractions so I want to be prepared. The nurse tells me that I have to wait for the resident to come see me to make sure that I'm dilated enough. They won't give an epidural before 4cms and while I was in the case room no one checked me.

About half an hour later the resident comes in and inspects me and tells me that I'm 2cm and about 90% effaced. He also informs me that they are going to break my water. They break the water and the first thing I hear from the student nurse is "Is that meconium in the water" and the resident replies with "Yes. Make sure a pediatrician is here when the baby is delivered." So of course I'm freaking out. Didn't I tell George this would happen? I'm fairly certain I did. George at this point doesn't understand what meconium is or how that is dangerous for a baby to aspirate. I ask the resident, "Excuse me did you say that there was meconium in the water," and he said yes. George asks me what that meant. I tell him in Greek that I'll explain when we are alone. Of course George being George wants to know right then and there. He asks the nurses what that meant and they explain to him. He gets up and leaves the room and goes outside and expresses to his sister in law that he'd like to punch my OBGYN for letting me go so far post due. If I delivered sooner maybe Demi wouldn't have pooped in her water bubble home. He didn't want to show me that he was angry because he knew that I was upset and if I saw him upset or angry it would only upset me more. The nurses explained to George why a pediatrician was going to be here and how they were going to deal with it. If Demi was born and had a hard time breathing they would clean out her lungs. He asked how they planned on doing it and he asked if it was painful to the baby and they told him that it wasn't comfortable. Of course this upsets George further. I tell him to relax that everything would be okay. Seriously I didn't carry this baby for 41.5 weeks for her to be born sick. She would be okay.

The resident leaves and about an hour later I ask the nurse for the epidural again. She tells me that they can't give it to me until I'm at least 4cms along and asks if I read the pros/cons of the epidural. I explain that I'm very much aware of the risks associated with the epidural and with my luck I will be one of the few people whom the epidural does not catch on. They laugh and say that its so rare to happen that the chances are like slim to none. The nurses also tell me that normally you dilate about 1 cm every hour and a half. I still insist on getting the epidural right away. The nurse tells me that in order to get the epidural the resident will have to check me again and they want to limit the number of internal examinations due to them breaking my water and NOT wanting me to get an infection. I demanded to be rechecked. The resident comes and examines me explaining that if I get an epidural now or in early labor is can slow things down and we wouldn't want that now would we? Um yes, I would. I don't care if labor gets slowed down ever since they started me on the Pitocin my contractions are extremely painful. Whereas I could have carried on a normal conversation about an hour ago now I was gritting my teeth and cursing my life. I told George, "No more kids" at one point when a contraction was particularly uncomfortable.

What do you know, I'm 4cms dilated and they call the anesthesiologist who is actually on that floor to come by and give me the epidural. The nurses tell me to get up and go pee because I won't be able to walk for a while after the epidural. I get up and pee and go back to the bed. The anesthesiologist explains to me the procedure of getting an epidural and that I'll be sitting up when they give it to me. They explain how important it is that I do not move. As I am sitting up waiting for the anesthesiologist to get ready I have the urge to vomit. I tell the nurses this and and they explain that its normal to feel from the intense pain I'm experiencing. They give me a barf bucket and I throw up...three times. It wasn't fun. I start to cry because for some reason every single time I throw up I cry. They go hand in hand.

I'm leaning over waiting for the epidural when I get that first pinch. It makes me jump. Oops. They tell me that I can't move like that when they are doing the epidural. I can seriously cause some damage to me. Now the nurse is holding me in place, George is holding my feet and the anesthesiologist is doing her thing behind me. They finish and tell me to lay on my side because I can't lay directly on my back right now. I roll over to my side. They tell me it takes about 20 minutes for the epidural to catch so I will still feel pain but then it will ease into just pressure. Most women are able to rest once the epidural catches so to prepare to drift off to sleep.

As I'm on my side the baby's fetal heart monitor starts to shrill. I am on my side and the baby didn't like that position so she moved causing her heart monitor to no longer be able to catch her heart beat. A new nurse walks in and tells me that shes the replacement nurse while mine are on lunch. She asks me to change sides because Demi might like it more. I am happy to oblige. We start to talk about my rings. She fell inlove with my blue diamond ring that George got me while we were on our honeymoon. Then I felt something...strange?

I tell the nurse, "Stephanie I feel something...different down there." She asks what I mean by different and down there. I tell her I feel an intense pressure but still a lot of pain and by down there I mean, literally down there. It's not in my stomach but literally on my vagina. She tells me, "Thats impossible that you are feeling pain and that intense pressure you are only 4cms dilated." I tell her "No I feel a lot of pressure down there." Again I'm told that I am freaking crazy.

I then let out a scream that would wake the dead and probably did. I look at George and tell him, "I'm going to give birth right now and no one believes me and there isn't even a doctor in the room". Then I bear down with all my strength on the bed rails and I say through gritted teeth to the nurse, "I feel my baby's head coming out." At this point she decided to lift the sheet to examine me herself. Obviously she isn't going to do an internal exam but she'd like to reassure me that it isn't Demi's head trying to make its way out.

The next words out of her mouth scare the crap out of me. "Oh my God, shes crowning". Did I mention that this is a mere 10 minutes after getting the epidural? The epidural which still hasn't caught yet? She rushes to the phone and calls a resident. Over the intercom you hear "Resident needed in room 30 stat!" The resident comes in freaking out. How in the hell did I go from 4 to 10 so quickly? Before I knew it the room was filled with the nurses, the resident, the pediatrician, and a few other people. They quickly converted my bed to where the leg sleeves popped out and they put my legs in them. The doctor told me to push. What already!?!?!

At one point a nurse says that they have to put in a catheter so that I can know when to push. I feel a crazy pain and a sting and I yell out, "what the fuck are you doing to me," (I know I shouldn't have cussed but um, ow!). The resident put his hands up and said, "It's not us its your baby. She's pushing her way out." Two pushes and Demi was there. Yep just 2 pushes. Demi was born exactly 20 minutes after I got the epidural, which NEVER caught. After my second push they put Demi on my belly and I asked them, "That's it? It's over?!" One of the nurses laughed and said yes besides the delivery of the after birth and placenta which might be uncomfortable. I didn't feel that. Everything happened so quickly that I was in a daze. I didn't cry at the birth of my first born. My OB walks in and looks at the resident all angrily and demands to know why I was delivered. She was on her way. The resident told my OB that if they didn't deliver that Demi was going to deliver herself.

My OB decides that she'll finish up (you know the fun sewing part which really, doesn't feel nice when there is no epidural). Apparently my "WTF are you doing to me" episode was when Demi decided to rip me. This kid saw the light and just ran for it. As I'm being repaired the student nurse looks at me and tells me, "I've seen a lot of births while I've been here but I've NEVER seen anything like that before. Your labor progressed so quickly and you delivered without even breaking a sweat."

They handed me Demi after George cut the umbilical cord and they cleaned her up. She was gorgeous. Seriously, I'm not lying and I'm not saying it because she is my kid but she was the cleanest most beautiful baby I've ever seen. George cried. After I was all patched up and had a few minutes with just the three of us I decided I could allow some visitors. There were SO MANY people at the hospital waiting for her birth. Everyone who walked into the room cried when they saw her. I felt like such a douchebag mom since I didn't cry. Everyone said how beautiful she was. I was a proud mom, I still am.

When my sister in law came into the room she tells me that I'm the talk of the floor. Every nurse or doctor who walked by the waiting room was talking about the incredible birth that happened in room 30.

For those who were wondering, no Demi didn't inhale any of her poop. The pediatrician gave her a clean bill of health. The second she was out of me she started to cry, loudly on her own. :)

Today Demi is healthy and still even more beautiful then the day she was born.

When I had originally wanted to write this blog post I wanted to go into more details but having a three week baby at home is a bit time consuming. She takes up a lot of time and I love spending time with her.

And click HERE if you want to see pictures of Demi Hope! :)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

  Feeling a Little, I Dunno What?!

Would it be wrong to say that I'm feeling like a bad mother already? I guess it just doesn't make sense to anyone but me. I've been feeling miserable these past few days. I'm uncomfortable, I'm moody, and I'm just plain not very nice. Why? Because I'm pastdue/overdue/late to delivery Demi. I hate that I'm still pregnant and then I feel guilty for wanting to evict my child from my body.

I mean, its not like I want her out just for the sake of kicking her out. Everyone I talk to (family members) tell me, "She will come when she is ready". No, listen hear fuckers, she IS ready. I saw on the ultra sound. She has 2 arms, 2 legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, two working lungs (we watched her take practice breaths!), a cute little stomach, a brain and a fully functioning 4 chamber heart. Um she's done. She could have been born a month ago and all would have been great. I'm currently 10 days past due and my discomfort grows by the minute. She is putting so much pressure on my pelvis that walking is NOT something I can do comfortably anymore. I can't find a comfortable position to sleep and well, at this point I'm just plain paranoid.

My bad mood is affecting my family and friends. I am avoiding their telephone calls and emails because, well, lets be honest. If you were past due wouldn't you hate answering calls about..."So are you still pregnant?" "Aren't you in labour yet?" "Why hasn't your doctor induced you yet?" and a plethora of other questions. Um don't you think if I was in labor or had delivered my baby that you would know? I'm not the type of person to hide that. I'd most likely call one person and then the chain would start and within 10 minutes everyone who has to know would know. STOP ASKING.

I was even polite on Saturday and asked my family members to, "Please stop asking me questions about when I'll deliver. When it happens you'll find out," but apparently my family doesn't know how to take a hint. The best part is when I refuse to answer the phone because I know why they are calling these are the messages that get left on my phone. "Hi Jenny and George, I'm just calling to see how you are doing. I was wondering how you are feeling..well I don't want to keep calling to bother you so..." Um you are bothering me and you are calling me so stop.

I guess I sound ungrateful but you have to understand that at a certain point and time you just get frustrated! I think the best is when someone who has had a kid (or 4) tries to pretend to be your doctor. "Oh my god. I think you need to change doctors, this is ridiculous, why would they let you go over so much. This isn't normal. You need to complain." Um lets see how many ways you are wrong. My doctor is head of OBGYN, she's one of the top rated OBGYNs in Canada, she is a high risk SPECIALIST and if she thought there was a reason to be concerned she'd do something about it. My doctor is YOUR doctors boss so how about you shut your pie hole and just leave me alone?

The hospital has a list of 20 women that are currently waiting to be induced. I'm number 8 on the list. Yesterday they told my husband that I would most likely be called in today. I still haven't gotten a call. Just to be on the safe side I called my doctor yesterday just to see if I'd need to see her for an appointment since I have to go once a week. My doctor told me to come in at 430pm. I get there and wait patiently in the waiting room. She gets paged to go deliver a baby and I'm freaking out now thinking she isn't going to see me.

She asks her assistant to get the room ready for me. She wants to examine me before she runs off to deliver the baby. I go to the examining room. Doctor comes in, I'm 2cm dilated. She's furious that I haven't been called in for an induction yet. She said she's been watching my name move up on the list but she isn't happy about where I am. She told me if I don't go into labor on my own by Thursday that she is inducing me same day no matter what. The hospital is full right now. The birthing center is over flowing (I guess people had nothing better to do in July...its true we had a miserable summer!!) and they have no beds (great perk to free health care eh?). She is going to find me a place if I don't do this on my own by Thursday. She told me to take it easy though. She doesn't want me walking around trying to get labor started because she doesn't want my MG to flare up and then cause problems when it comes time to push. We really want to do a natural birth (with epidural) and avoid a c-section at all costs. If my body gets too tired, I'll have no choice but to get a c-section.

So now here I am Wednesday morning at nearly 7am writing a blog. My spirits are in a bit better mood because I know that no matter what, this will all be over with by tomorrow. I'll finally get to hold my little princess in my arms.

Monday, March 22, 2010

  Breast is Best?

So I've been debating writing this post or not. Its been a long time coming. All day long on blogs I read and people I follow on Twitter are pushing breast feeding. No, not recommending it, basically shoving it down peoples throats with their random facts, trying to brain wash you that if you don't breastfeed that you are poisoning your child with formula and that you are a bad mother. A horrible mother. A mother who basically shouldn't have children if you aren't willing to breast feed.

The other day I read a quote on twitter that kind of got my blood boiling. It was something along the lines of "Breastfeeding may not be the right choice for all mothers but it is the best choice for all babies". Um excuse me? Is that so? Is breastfeeding really right for every child? Do the benefits of breastfeeding really outweigh those of formula feeding no questions asked?

I seriously doubt that. Now, let me explain to you my situation. I was never the type of person to even consider breastfeeding. No particular reason why, I just didn't want to. I'm not going to say it repulses me because it doesn't. I'm not going to say there aren't health benefits because there are. I'm not going to say much other than I simply didn't want to. My mom never breastfed my sister or I and we turned out pretty damn okay. My husband wasn't breastfeed and he's alright too. Over the past what, 40 years they have said "Ohhhh breastfeed its the best thing you can do for your kid...." then a few years later its like "Ohhhh formula feeding is best you should do that..." and then a few years later... yeah it just goes back and forth.

When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis. My body produces way too many antibodies which causes my muscles to get weak and when they are weak they affect the way I live my everyday life. I have trouble going up stairs when I'm weak, I have trouble getting off of the couch, chewing and swallowing become labored, and even speaking is hard because my throat will lock up. All in all its NOT a fun disease to have but I have managed to control it. I've been in remission for a few years with only an occasional flare up.

Getting pregnant was bittersweet for me. I wanted nothing in the world more than to be pregnant and start a family but at the same time I was scared shitless. My disease could flare up hardcore and send me into a really big relapse which would have me bedridden for the entire duration of my pregnancy. I was extremely lucky. I had a minor flare up right around 4 months pregnant and my neurologist just increased the dosage of my medication but the disease has been manageable. Not much has changes in the way I live my life pregnant vs not pregnant. The pregnancy didn't make me ultra weak like we were expecting.

So whats the point? The point is that when you breastfeed your child your antibodies are transferred to your child. Is that really what I want to give my child? I want the things that make me sick to go into my little girl? No, its not a hereditary disease and I can't give it to her BUT she does have a 20% chance of being born with neonatal MG until her body starts producing her own antibodies. Because of this I had decided before I got pregnant that I would not breastfeed. I wouldn't even entertain the thought.

Then I did. I did entertain the thought. I had an appointment with my neurologist who has followed a few pregnant myasthenics in his career and asked him on his thoughts regarding breastfeeding and MG. He recommended that I NOT breastfeed. He explained to me that breastfeeding was very taxing on a womans body regardless of MG or not so imagine how that would amplify my condition. Again, I had decided against breastfeeding. Sorry, call me selfish call me vain but I don't like being weak. The thought of my body relapsing because I am breastfeeding scares the crap out of me. The thought of my child sitting in her crib crying for me to pick her up but I'm too exhausted to get off the couch/bed freaks me out. I just don't want to risk it. How can I properly care for my child if breastfeeding will cause me to have a MG flare up or relapse?

Then at my 35 week appointment with my OBGYN I started to ask her more questions about how exactly would we deliver. Would I be pushing or would that be too taxing on my body and we would schedule a C-section. How would my labor be different from non myasthenics and have any of her other patients breastfed? (Mind you blogs and twitter are forcing me to look into this entire situation. I'm being told I'm a horrible mother for even THINKING of using formula!!) She explained to me that she does recommend that I breastfeed for at least 3 weeks after giving birth but to call MotherRisk and ask more questions just to be sure. Mother Risk told me that there wasn't enough information on MG and breastfeeding BUT I can be sure that the medication I am taking will not pass through to the milk so the medication is safe. That's fine. I appreciated the honesty of the lady I spoke with and thanked her for the little information she was able to find. About 20 minutes later she called me back with a little more information she was able to dig up.

The lady from Mother Risk informed me that although I can not pass the disease on to my child I can pass the symptoms on to her if I'm having a flare up. Basically she won't have MG but she will have the symptoms such as weakness in the muscles, trouble swallowing etc. So while feeding her I'd have to really be watching her sucking/swallowing motion because I'm making her sick. Yeah, I'd be making my kid sick. I'm 28 years old and I get so frustrated when I have a flare up I could not imagine what its like being a few weeks old and unable to swallow the food I need to survive. How can I do that to my kid? How do I do that with a clear conscious because hey, breastfeeding may not be best for me but its best for EVERY questions asked.

Still, I said I'd look into it even further. Yes, with all this information coming my way screaming NO DON'T DO IT, I'm still looking into it. I was advised to contact La Leche League Canada as they provide mothers and mothers to be with breastfeeding questions, support, help, consultation etc. I looked up the contact number to one local to me and I gave the lady a call. I filled her in ONLY on the condition I had and my questions regarding breastfeeding. I did NOT tell her what other doctors, research, etc had told me. I wanted to hear what she had to say for herself. Again she was honest and told me that she didn't have too much information but she would make some calls and get me the information I desired. The next morning she called me back and told me what she had found out. Although 98% of the information she gave me was AGAINST breastfeeding she was adamant that I try it. She told me about my child picking up symptoms of MG and how it could be dangerous for the kid (choking instead of swallowing!) but that breast is best. I told her that I would feel guilty knowing that I am causing my child to be ill and her response had me floored. It was along the lines of, "Not as guilty as you will feel not breastfeeding and knowing what other diseases you can cause her to get. Did you know that non breastfed children are 30% more likely to get leukemia than breastfed children?"

Are you fucking kidding me? You want to use scare tactics in order to push your agenda? You are meant to be SUPPORTING mothers but instead you want to scare them into doing something they aren't completely comfortable with and that most research points AGAINST? You want to scare me into breastfeeding my child by telling me what can potentially happen in many years from now?

Now, I'm not the best at statistics, in fact I think I had to take the course twice in university before I passed it but there is one quote I will NEVER forget from a very smart professor. "If you beat data hard enough it will give you the results that you want." What does that mean? I'm not saying there aren't proven benefits to breastfeeding children but I am saying that saying my kids is more likely to develop leukemia because shes going to be fed by a bottle is complete and utter bullshit. Did scientist go around to every person with leukemia and poll them on if they were breastfed or not? Did they go to a region where breastfeeding isn't as popular to get their numbers? Really? Seriously? Don't try to scare me into doing something I'm not comfortable with because I'm not as naive as other people you may speak to or as easy to influence.

I kindly told the LLLC lady to go fly a kite and that scaring me was not a way to convince me to try anything, but its actually more likely to piss me off into NOT doing something. Here are some stats for you.

I have one cousin who has 4 children, all 4 of her children were breastfed for different periods of time ranging between 6 months to 2 years (she had to quit breastfeeding during her pregnancies because she was high risk which is why the ranges are so broad.) and all 4 of her children are sick or are sicker than "the average kid".

Another one of my cousin has 3 children and all 3 of them were breastfed and they are all extremely healthy. They barely even get the sniffles.

My other cousin has 2 kids. Both of them were formula fed until they were able to start on cows milk solid food. Never breastfed. These kids are totally healthy and extremely smart.

So according to my "research" my stats show that breastfeeding is WORSE. Out of 7 breastfed kids 4 are chronically ill or have life lasting illnesses. Out of the 2 formula fed babies 2 are very healthy and show no developmental issues or anything else that the breastfeeding police try to shovel our way.

What I'm not understanding at all is why is it that breastfeeding parents/advocates are allowed to push their agenda on non breastfeeding people however if formula feeders do that we are horrible people? We are trying to poison the world and our children and we are spreading lies.

Hmmm maybe next time someone asks me if I'm going to breastfeed or not and then give a shocked/disgusted look when I say "No" I'll just reply with, "Oh please, don't hate me because you couldn't afford to formula feed your child."

Wait, I forgot...I'm a better person than that and I don't judge others for their decisions. Breastfeeding maybe right for person X whereas formula feeding is right for person Y. I don't tell people "Oh my God, you are breastfeeding, what are you a freaking cow!?" and at the same time I don't tell people "Well why don't you try formula feeding, its much less taxing on your body...". I let people make their own decisions regarding how they choose to raise their children and how they choose to feed their children. If someone I know is formula feeding my first response isn't, "Did you at least TRY to breastfeed and found you had problems?" I just accept that was their decision.

No one questions WHY YOU choose to breastfeed, why would you question why I choose to formula feed? When a few people found out about my MG and thats why I'm not breastfeeding they ask me if I've considered donor milk. Um, sorry but thats just wrong to ME. You may like it, you may choose to use that option if you can't breastfeed but I just can't see me doing that or even liking that. My best friend is pregnant and is due a month after I am. I can't see her sitting over here feeding her child and then I tell her "Hey I'll burp your little girl, can you feed mine?" Like I said before, breastfeeding doesn't sicken me but that does. It's just not an option that I am willing to consider because I don't believe that the benefits of breastfeeding are enough to make me feel like an inadequate mother by having other mothers pool their milk, have it bagged and shipped to me. Sorry, I'll take formula over that one.

I guess the entire point of this long winded post is that as mothers we face enough challenges in this world, why do we choose to berate, belittle, and insult those of us who choose to make different decisions than you? Support each other in whatever method of feeding they choose. If its not what you have chosen or would have chosen for your child and you can't accept that, then just shut up and keep your opinions to yourself.

Monday, February 1, 2010

  Scary Doctors Visit

So it has been a while since I've actually blogged anything with content. My last blog was a bunch of useless rambling I think but hey, its my blog. I can write whatever I wish right?

So anyway, last Wednesday I had a prenatal check up with my OBGYN. I was going every 3 weeks but now that I've entered my 3rd trimester I have to go every two weeks. The last time I went to the doctors she was insisting that I get more rest. I explained to her that if I got any more rest that I'd be at the spa every single day. In all honesty, I work in an office sitting down most of the day. I come home and my husband has picked up around the house and even started cooking dinner. Now that its winter and my mom is here she'll call us over to invite us for dinner or tell us to swing by and pick up some food and just go home with it. I relax a lot. Mind you my job is stressful because I do work with SUB and DQ but I'm okay with that. I don't let it affect me right? At least I didn't think I let it bother me.

My doctor told me that week that she wanted me to take it easier. I agreed and began to not stress as much about work. I asked her if I had anything to be concerned about and she told me that my uterus was lower than normal for where I was in my pregnancy but nothing to worry about.

When I went last week again she stressed how much I had to take it easy. She measured me to see how far I've expanded and she told me that I was about 5cms LESS than I should be. Since I was 30 weeks I should be 30cms but I am only 25cms. Then she told me that I was going to have a small baby. I asked her again if I had anything to be concerned about and she told me no...but then she told me to go upstairs and schedule an ultra sound for two weeks and to come downstairs right away with my results. So I start to freak out. Obviously my kid isn't going to be huge. I've barely gained any weight so I wouldn't expect for Demi to be huge. Then I stopped to think about it and if the doctor, who is a high risk specialist and head of OBGYN in my hospital, was really concerned wouldn't she make me schedule the U/S right away? Why wait for two weeks?

Then she also mentioned that I wasn't going to make it to full term pregnancy. I technically have 10 weeks of pregnancy left but the doctor said that she'd be happy to keep Demi in her uterus home for the next 6 weeks. She also made me stop work effective Jan 29th but I already had that day off so the 28th was my last official day of work. I'm still working from home and training my replacement via email and telephone and I do still go in but for half days. I promised my boss I wouldn't leave him high and dry. My replacement is good but she does still need some training. She's unsure of how to do some things even though they've been clearly laid out for her in the binder...some people need to DO things and not read about them so its completely understandable!

I've been trying to stuff my face since my doctors appointment to gain weight so that Demi can gain weight but I'm not getting any more plump. I took it ultra easy at my sister's wedding. I only danced to the english portion of the music and not for the entire time either. I barely went up and down the stairs (the owners of the reception hall were nice enough to open the handicapped bathroom upstairs for Nicole and I).

I have to admit I'm really freaking out about Demi being small. I'm a planner for everything and I never planned on having a small baby. I never planned for anything to go wrong with my pregnancy, not that anything went wrong. I know I'm high risk and thats why I see a specialist. Considering that we were expecting the worst for my pregnancy with my mysathenia gravis and everything had gone so well we were never expecting to hear that Demi is small. Like, how small is small? I guess only time will tell...aka the ultra sound. It's going to tell me how big she is. According to What to Expect when Expecting she should be about 3 pounds by now. Doesn't that seem small?

So am I over reacting and stressing over nothing or did my doctor give me stuff to truly be concerned about? I'm having a mini heart attack here but I do a good job of covering it up so my hubby and parents don't see me worrying. If I worry aloud they worry too.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

  It's been a minute...

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate that expression? Why do we use the expression "it's been a minute" to mean its been a while. Minutes and a while are really different things. Minutes are like 60 seconds each. When I think its been a while since I've eaten, obviously more than a few minutes have passed.

So on with the point, its been a while since I last blogged. I think this is my second post in 2010. WOW. Talk about being slow right? I gave my blog a bit of a facelift but I'm not sure how I feel about it. I might change it again. I saved a few really nice layouts on my hard drive for when I feel I need a change. I think the font is too small by default.

January has been a really busy month for my family. My sister's wedding is this coming Saturday and every single Saturday we've had an event. We had my sister's bridal shower on the 9th and of course that had some of its own usual. Anytime you get a lot of Greeks into a room drama is sure to ensure.

The 16th was my sister's bachelorette and Mike's bachelor party. The girls all had dinner at the casino and then we went to gamble. My sister's sister in law recommended that she play roulette and of course it didn't go so well. $120 not wisely spent. Alex, Nicole, and I (and everyone else) went down to our "Lucky Slots" where we won back everything that was lost at roulette, paid for dinner, drinks, and had some money left over. We had a good time. Besides the 3 of us I don't think anyone else did that great at the casino.

Yesterday we were meant to go to the spa all day but we decided that going on a Saturday would be too crowded and we opted for another day. We are going tomorrow. ALL DAY. First treatment is at 9am for all 3 of us. Nicole and I are going to get a pregnancy message and then a facial. We have to sign a waiver saying we won't be stupid enough to jump into the steaming hot or freezing cold baths.

I wanted to make this blog post longer but ummm... I have to watch this OT and then go to bed!!!!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

  Not So Happy Holidays?

Hey everyone! Happy New Year! Not too shabby right? I'm blogging on Jan 2, 2010! Maybe I'll this is a sign that I will be blogging more in 2010? I guess taking mat leave in Feb will help with that. I'll be less stressed and have about 2 months before Demi gets here!

Now I'd like to start off the New Year with blogging about something positive and happy but I can't. I find myself thinking about the holidays and how low key they were and blah blah. Now I made a conscious decision to have low key holidays. I didn't want to have 800 people coming through my doors or going to visit 800 people. We wanted to take it easy because when we do our holiday parties its always huge and we don't get to enjoy them. George and I are always in the kitchen cooking something, checking on something, refilling someones beverage, making sure the bathrooms remain clean.... and it gets to be really NOT fun although everyone else enjoys their time at my house.

Now something happened during Xmas 2008 that really pissed me off. It was my first year married and I wanted to host Christmas Eve OR Christmas Day at my house. Well guess what happened? One of my cousins decided to call everyone BEFORE HALLOWEEN to invite them to her house for Christmas. Now yes, she has always hosted the holiday but thats because no one else would step up do it. I did the bigger person thing and called my cousin and said, "Hey Cousin, why don't we split the holidays? You can do either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day at your house and I'll do the day you don't want at my house." I thought it was very nice of me to put it that way and give her the choice. I even explained to her that its my first married year and I'd like to host a holiday. She was like, "Um no. I want to do both holidays because I ALWAYS do them and besides there is always so much food left over." So I said something along the line of, "Yes you always do it therefore you should SHARE the holiday and if the amount of food is an issue, just cook LESS." The bottom line is she was a stubborn bitch about it and refused to budge. She wanted to do both days at her house. Her excuse was, "You hosted Easter..." Um yeah I did do Easter because its my husbands favorite holiday and its the first holiday that came after our wedding.

So what did I do? I called my favorite aunt and explained to her the situation. I informed her that I was very well aware that my cousin called everyone to invite them to her house for Xmas Eve and Day however I was doing Xmas day at my house. I understand if they can't make it but I will be doing that. My aunt explained that she had already RSVPed to my cousin's house but she would leave early to come to my house. I did the same thing with some cousins and everyone told me the exact same thing. They would go to the cousins house because they said they would but they would go early and leave early so they could eat here. I did NOT invite the selfish cousin nor did I invite HER parents. I mean, that'd be kinda rude to tell them, "Hey I know your daughter is hosting a day at her house but why don't you come to mine instead?".

My husband and I discussed what we should do for Christmas Eve since I was only doing ONE of the two nights. We decided to be bigger people and go to that cousins house for a little bit. The only reason we went was because my sister was going to be there and Alex and I have NEVER had Xmas apart. We showed up to the cousins house with presents for the kids, a gift for the hostess, and stayed for a while (not as long as we had stayed in previous years). When we got up to leave we didn't mention the usual, "see you tomorrow" but she did ask my sister, "So will we be seeing you and Mike tomorrow" to which my sister responds, "No. My sister is doing Christmas Day and I will be there!"

Christmas Day rolls around. My hubby and I wake up early to clean the house, and start preparing our feast. When I say feast I mean a feast. We must have spent the better part of the day cooking the main meal not to mention the amount of appetizers we'd made. Everyone who came over really enjoyed it and commented on the vast difference in quality of food they were eating today compared to yesterday. It's not that my cousin cooks shitty quality food, she just isn't the best cook in the family!

My cousin didn't call me to wish me a Merry Christmas that day. I didn't really notice but of course my hubby does. He notices the strangest things!

We decided to host NYE and New Year Day at my house last year. My mom always wants to do it but she had just renovated her basement and did not want all of the cousins kids to go there and ruin it so we did it at my house. My mom paid for a lot of the dishes and even cooked a bunch of them but we just had the event at my house. My cousin didn't come. She decided her friends were more important than her family that particular day.

So now Xmas 2009 rolls around. Of course the cousin calls me to invite me over and I say, "I'm unsure of our plans. I'll have to check with my husband to see if anyone on his side is doing it since we did it last year." She said okay and to let her know. I didn't let her know but I didn't plan on going there from the get go. I had told George that I would rather stay home alone doing nothing than go there. I told him I refuse to go there for 6 years! Why six? I don't know its just a random number I came up with. In all honesty, we aren't comfortable going there. It's just that there are SOOOOO many people in such a small space that its very uncomfortable. The house gets all hot and loud. We had NYE here last year 2008/2009 and we got uncomfortable and I have 3 floors of house! My cousin has a 3 or 4 bedroom apartment. If we felt stuffy at my place imagine what you feel like there?!

My cousin told my sister that she was upset with me because I didn't call back to RSVP for Xmas. I told my sister that common sense says if one doesn't respond they aren't coming. I mean, if you don't respond to my sister's wedding shower I'm assuming you aren't coming, I don't assume you will be there.... I don't care if shes upset.

Oh, she didn't call me this Xmas or New Years in order to wish me happy holidays. Oh well, I didn't call her either. I had to call to invite her to my sisters bachelorette though. Ugh. Hated it.

Now my sister is getting married in 29 days. I discussed this with her today. Would she like to split the holidays? I realize that I will have a young child during the holiday season next year but I still want to host a holiday. My mom will go back to hosting NYE therefore its just Xmas Eve and Day that are left for us to split. She said shes interested. I told her to let me know which date she'd like and then in November of 2010 we'll call our aunts/cousins together and tell them what day they are invited to our respective homes.

What irks me is that the holidays are meant to be about family and sharing. My cousin refuses to share. It's her way or no way because she's done something for 10 years. Yes, but no one else wanted to do the holidays. Maybe they don't want to spend the money entertaining a bunch of hungry Greeks, maybe they don't want to exhaust themselves cooking and cleaning, whatever the reason may be no one but her would offer to do it. How can you be so selfish about hosting a meal at your house? My sister in law called me about 2 weeks before Xmas to ask me what I was doing. I told her I had no plans for Xmas Eve but since my mom was flying in on Xmas Day I was going to do a very small dinner. Just me, George, Alex, Mike, my father in law, and our kourbari (like bestest friends), if they'd like to come they are more than welcome. She told me that her family will come to my house after they go to HER sister's house and that we are invited to HER house on Xmas Eve since we aren't doing it. See how it works? Everyone wants to host something yet they call to find out who is doing what so that it can be shared.

Now I find myself asking this question, its a whole year later and I'm still bitter about this. Is it too long to hold a grudge? Am I blowing things out of proportion? Should I just drop this whole, "5 more years of no Xmas at cousin X's house?"

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