Farrah did what?!

So I'm obviously a bit behind on watching Teen Mom. I don't think I've seen an episode since Amber and Gary started fighting...oh what, that happens every episode? Well in that case, I'm lost, but trust me when I say I haven't watched in a long time, probably after episode 3. CW and Bravo have  much better fall line up than MTV ever will.

Anyway, so its been brought to my attention that Farrah decided to leave her daughter behind with her parents (who she doesn't really like anyway right?) in order for her to go to school and get her degree in Florida. Now, forgive me if I'm wrong but Iowa does have schools right? I mean, there are educated people from Iowa. I KNOW this for a fact because I tweet with some, text message with others, and read their blogs too. Iowa is a real place with real schools.

So what would cause a mother to leave her child behind in another state so she can go off and get her degree? I'll tell you what it was. Farrah is looking to regain her social life. Poor Sophia is taking a back seat to her mother's delusional dreams that maybe one day someone will want her. Think I'm lying? Why did Farrah get a boob job? Oh. yes, to get more jobs as a model to make more money to support Sophia. Those tears she cried while at that modeling job were 100% crocodile tears meant to move the hearts of the MTV viewers. Guess what Farrah? My heart is cold as ice and you didn't warm it up. You got the boob job so that YOU could feel better about YOURSELF. You got the boob job so you can get more attention from guys.  It wasn't about booking jobs because let's be honest, most models out there aren't all that well endowed unless you want to work for Victoria's Not so Secret.

Now I'm about to say something that will probably get me flogged in the blogging community among single mothers or young mothers etc but since when do I care? If you don't want the responsibility of having a child then keep your freaking legs closed. Do not HAVE a child if you are not ready to put that kid first. Do NOT take a LOAN out to get boobs because you could be spending that money on making a better life for your child, you could have gotten a loan to move into a more stable home away from your whack job parents. Why have a kid if you just want to drop them off at the nearest babysitter?

When you become a parent you start putting yourself 2nd or 3rd or whatever. You are no longer first. I know that first hand. I'm a girlie girl. I love getting my hair done, I love getting all pretty. Well, when I got pregnant and had D for the first 10 months of her life I completely forgot what it was like to be human. I stopped going and getting my hair colored (and I had about 8 inches of roots to show for it), I stopped shopping in the designer clothes section for me and would rather get myself a pair of jeans from Wal-Mart so I can put that extra money into Burberry or Dior for Demi. I didn't mind either. I would give my life for my kid so who cares about what label is slapped across my ass? The point is that we all have to make sacrifices for our children when we have them. That is what separates the good parents from the shoddy ones.

I'm sorry but its NOT a sacrifice to leave your kid with your mom while you run away to sunny Florida under the guise of it being "for school". You WANT to leave your kid behind because you want to party, you want to be a normal 21 year old woman. I hate to tell you this Farrah but you aren't a woman and you aren't a mom. You were merely a uterus donor and your mom is about to take on the role of "mom" again.

I often hear jaded women use the expression, "Any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad." well, it looks like the same can be said for Farrah, "Any woman can be a mother but it takes a real woman to be a mom," and I'm happy that Farrah's mom is willing to take on that title again because Farrah is just a mess.

It's NOT putting your kids down...crazy lady!

So there is a blog post making its rounds on the blogosphere that is called "Stop Putting Down Your Kids".  I read the post a few times trying to figure out where Tara was coming from. Was it written with some sort of humor that was deeply hidden? Was it written from an angry place? I finally realized where it came from. It was written from high above us "normal" parents, on her pedestal.

She says that putting down your children is not helpful, funny, nor will it improve your relationship with your child. I totally get it. Putting down your children is down right crappy. However, all the examples she gave are NOT examples of putting down a child.  The examples she gave are of mother's expressing their feelings to their friends, peers, co-workers or whatever.

Putting down a child is saying something along the lines of "my child is such a fucking douchebag. He's 4 years old and still not potty trained. I think he is mentally handicapped". "My child hasn't stopped eating crap, she is going to become a heifer"

It seems to me that Tara has a hard time getting the difference between parents discussing their hardships, their troubles, their hard times, problems, or however you want to call them and putting down. Putting down is an insult. Putting down is hurting someone's feelings.  Tara went pretty far and even called "putting down your kids" as being selfish.

Is it really selfish? Is it selfish to speak to other moms about issues you are having with your child/children? Here I thought it was a way to interact and bond with other parents and maybe do this weird thing called getting advice. Where should we turn to for advice about children misbehaving, not sleeping well, not eating well or whatever? Should we just google and hope we come up with something good? I know that when D was having issues sleeping I spoke to my friend and she told me about her family's bed time routine and how the end result was her daughter sleeping straight through the night.

When D decided that eating wasn't something she was fond of I spoke to a few friends and complained "Oh my god, D is going to be as picky as an eater as me. She hasn't eaten a solid meal in about 3 days!" and my mommy friends told me about their issues when their children were younger and gave me some suggestions.

You see, some might see it as complaining about our children but NEVER putting them down. Even the complaining is warranted. A parent's job is never over. It's a 24/7 deal. If our child keeps us up all night and we can't function its not good. We have the right to complain, to talk, to get advice. We have the right to NOT be judged for talking to other parents about our issues or hardships.  We have the right to turn to a friend and ask advice and compare horror stories and share survival tips.

Look, let's be honest, no one is going to give you an award for being a great parent but you shouldn't be made to feel like a shitty one for turning to someone to ask for help. If anything it makes us feel like a more normal parent for knowing that the majority of parents are dealing with or have dealt with the same thing.

So how do you feel about Tara's post?

Sending Mixed Signals as Moms

This blog post might hit a few nerves so I apologize in advance if you get offended by this. It is not my intention to offend, its just my intention to say what I feel.

I get annoyed when I come across twitter handles and blog names and emails that are soandsos'smom. It drives me insanely crazy. I don't really know why this is bothers me but it does. I guess I've always thought of it like, Yes, my daughter IS my biggest accomplishment but she is NOT the only thing in my life that I've accomplished. I'm a mother but I have an identity outside of a mom. I wear more than one hat, don't you?

Growing up I hated being called "Alex's little sister". Along with correcting them that I'm the "younger" sister NOT the little sister I'd be sure to throw my name in there. I'm "Jenny, Alex's younger sister," or if you prefer  "Alex's younger sister, Jenny."  Now that I'm older I still get ticked off by those types of labels. I dropped Demi off at daycare the other day and a parent goes to me, "Are you Demi's mom" "Yes, I'm Jenny, Demi's mom." 

Now my post isn't about the lack of using my name and only referring to me as a mom but its about the message we send to our children, mainly our daughters. From the moment we give birth nowadays we are freaked out by trying to remain gender neutral and not push a sex on a kid. We try not to give dolls to girls and trucks to boys. We try not to use terms like "sweet girl" and  "strong boy". We don't stress boy toys or girl toys and boy colors and girl colors. We teach both our sons and daughters that they can be anything they want to be. We love and support them in anything they do. We teach them about doing what they want and finding themselves. We allow our children to form their own identities and we support them in that. When we notice that our children are out of line we discipline them, when we notice they are too shy we try to coax them out of their shell. But we always support their identity. The kid is girlie, a tomboy, tough, a bit weak, in touch with this/her feelings, emotional...we work with our kids and figure out how to approach them. How to talk to them, how to discipline them depending on their personalities. 

Then a funny thing happens, our daughter's grow up and become moms and even we stop calling them by their names. We'll ask our grandchildren "Where is your mommy? What did your mommy say? Did mommy make you breakfast today?" We stop talking to our children about how their day was an instead ask how THEIR child's day was. We spent all this time teaching our children to become their own person and then we let them lose it and just focus on their being a mom. We tell our daughters to never fall into a man's shadow. To stand on their own and be their own person. Don't rely on a man for money, emotional support, or anything. Be equals. Be partners. Then somehow we end up allowing our children to go from "Jenny" to "Demismom.blogspot.com" We say nothing of this we think this is completely normal. It's NOT.

It gets under my skin. Maybe my mom raised me different, maybe I'm too hard headed? I don't want to just be known as a mom. There is so much more to me than what I popped out of my vagina. Now I don't mind being a mom, in fact I love it but its not everything that encompasses me. If that makes me a bad mom then I guess I'm a horrible mom. I guess I'm just urging more moms to step out of their children's shadows and be your own person. Don't be just a mom.

Does this get under your skin or are you one of the offenders!?

Bad Parenting Day

Have you ever had a day that you thought you were the most horrible parent? Maybe you thought you had the most horrible kid? Things just weren't going right no matter how hard you tried. That has been my past two days with D. She has been a terror and nothing is wrong with her.

Like, no fever, no pain, no new teeth. I just can't figure it out. It is like she woke up on the wrong side of the bed for the past two days. From the moment she woke up and I went to pick her up it was screaming/crying. She screamed during the diaper change and getting dressed, she screamed as her dad carried her down the stairs, she cried while we attempted to feed her breakfast. She cried in the car while going to daycare. She probably cried the entire time she was there too but with my luck she was a great child at daycare saving her energy only to make my life hell.

Today I came home from work and everything seemed okay. She was playful and laughing and that lasted for about 15 minutes. From then on it was full out crying (unless she was eating a popicle and I ain't gonna lie, I let her have 3 of them just to have some peace and quiet!). Yesterday while driving to my sister's house I asked George to just pull over so that I could jump in the river. Yeah, that bad.

It's not like I can't handle a crying baby. I get that babies cry, I get that toddlers cry, I get the kids in general can and will cry. I just don't understand WHY she has been moody like that. There is no "logical" reason why she should be crying and that is what gets to me. It makes my head hurt, my skin crawl, and it takes every ounce of willpower to not just flip out.

I feel like she is crying because I did something to her. Yesterday when George and I left she was a pleasant little human for the babysitter. She was all smiles and playful. When I got home it was game on. Cry cry cry. Today when George picked her up she was excellent until I got home. Is she being a pest with me because she knows it gets under my skin? Is she a pest with me because she is mad that I don't give in to her everything? EVERYONE in my family will do whatever D wants in order to keep her quiet. Oh she wants Cheetos instead of apples. Okay. Oh she wants to bang on the keyboard on the computer. Okay. Oh she wants to slap your face because its fun? Okay. Oh she wants up...no down...no up...no down..Okay. I can't do that. I can not allow a 17 month old child to run my house. I can't let her start these bad habits can i?

So people, I'm asking you. How do you handle a toddler who is just....out of control?

The Porn Star Secretary

So the other day I check my email from my phone. There was an email that must have been forwarded 10,000 times as I kept reading comments like, "Oh my gosh. How disgusting. I'd be enraged if this happened at my child's school." "Why suspended with pay they should have fired her." And things of that sort. The subject of the email was "Can you believe it"? I get to the bottom of the email and there is a link. Great. I decided not to read it until I could check my email from home because these are usual videos or something.

When I get home I went to the computer and click on the link. It brought me to the following news article about a secretary at a school in Quebec in which a secretary was suspended for two weeks with pay because she used to be an internet porn actress. The school board has two weeks to decide if they should fire her or not and she has worked there with no incidents for the past two years.

I read the article and re-read the article trying to understand where everyone's outrage was coming from. Why is everyone so upset? How could everyone just judge this woman and think that firing her is the solution. Maybe she is a single mother who was struggling to make ends meet and couldn't put food on the table without doing some porn. Sure, maybe you wouldn't do porn if you were in this position, maybe you would get a job flipping burgers at a McDonalds...that isn't the point. The point is that this woman did what she felt she had to do in order to make a living.

I wrote an email back to everyone, yeah I hate those people who Reply All but I felt everyone had to read my reply, my reply was this:

 I don't get the anger. She's an adult working on the side to make money. She ISN'T a teacher and to boot, its on an ADULT site. Therefore the PARENTS aren't doing their job if their children are navigating to those types of websites.  If you can't monitor what your kid does online then the issue is much deeper than a school employee being an adult film actress.

Everyone seemed to have missed the point that this woman was an ADULT. That these videos were on an ADULT website. The children in the school she worked technically shouldn't have access to websites like that. (In Quebec a high school considered grade 7 to 11, therefore roughly 12 to 17 MAX).  This woman broke NO laws.

So later on that evening my sister in law (who originally sent me the email) called me to let me know that she really didn't understand how I couldn't be upset over this. I said it was simple, an adult woman chose to make a decision in star in adult videos. She isn't affecting my life or my child's life in any way and shouldn't lose her job over that. She came back with something that blew me out of the water. "Yeah well I bet you that woman saw a pretty girl in the school and told her, 'Hey if you want to make some money I have an offer for you' and then proceed to offer her a job in a porn." I was floored. Really? So the article says she broke no laws (I'm fairly certain that offering a MINOR a job in a porn is breaking some sort of law) and in the time that she had been working for the school did nothing to raise any flags. I told my sister in law that making assumptions like that make an ass out of her. Let's be honest, if I had to do something like sell my body to put food on my table, I wouldn't want to recruit a child into that industry....I'd try to SHIELD a child from that!

I told her a story of a girl in high school who got pregnant and knew her parents would flip. You know what she did? She claimed she was RAPED ON CAMPUS during a Saturday practice in a locker bank. Yeah, she did that. In the end it came out that she wasn't raped and that she lied, and they pressed charges against her for filing a false report. So yeah, its really possible that NOW after this secretary is exposed someone can make up a lie and be like "Oh she told me to be in a porn with her" but how come no one said anything PRIOR to this? Oh...that is because she DID NOTHING WRONG!!

Another thing I suggested to my sister in law was this: Someone we both know, a father of three, was convicted of drinking and driving. His license was suspended for a period of time, he has a breathalyser in his car, and isn't allowed to cross the border into the United States. Would it be fair one of his kid's friends's parent to say, "Oh sweetie you can't go to THAT friend's house because her father is an alcoholic and offers alcoholic drinks to underage kids....and the only reason that your friend goes to school is so that she can make friends with kids and bring them home to create more alcoholics." Sure sounds stupid when you say it that way right? First of all just because someone drinks and drives doesn't make them an alcoholic, it means someone made a mistake. It could be that they ARE an alcoholic, it could be that they didn't realize how much they drank, it could be that they do it all the time and this is the only time they got caught...it could be many things. Secondly, just because someone is convicted of drinking and driving (or just because someone is an alcoholic) does NOT mean that they offer alcohol to minors.  Doing harm to yourself doesn't mean you want to do harm to others....its a completely different story if they are drinking and driving with their families in their car! Thirdly, the kids go to school in order to get an education, not to find future alcoholics!

I got a reply to my email (another reply all) that stated:

I AGREE WITH JENNY ON THIS ONE…………….SHE IS TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING, JUST LIKE THE REST OF US……SHE’S DOING HER JOB AT THE SCHOOL, AND AS JENNY SAID, IF CANNOT MONITOR YOUR CHILDREN AT THAT AGE, THEN YOUR IN TROUBLE!!!!


I said nothing because I knew there would be other replies..... Here came a good one.....

On the topic of secretary and adult porn.........yes, she as an adult has every right to do what she does.....hey, our proffesions sure don't make that kind of money and no one knows her situation.

The only thing is.......when it comes to porn, drugs, etc.......(adult stuff) it should never be around miners........and no teacher/administrator should work with children when you have a shady job! You will see young moms, as your kids grow older.......and they are aware of things like that.....you will do anything to protect htem and to have them sheltered. Yes, we do our best as parents to always know what our kids are watching/going/doing.........but as they grow older.....they find ways.....to do things out of our reach......and you might think that you will always know what your kids are doing........BUT they will always find a way........Mothers with teenage kids and older.......know that far too much.

Teenagers especially, are very volrunable........some come from broken homes.....difficult times and a pretedor of any kind......can offer help in a negative setting......after all........this secretary feels that adult movies are ok to do........do we all feel like that? Do we all, no matter how tough our financial situtation are....would we do that???? Not that many of us......we would get a tough job.....like stupid that we are.....just to make an honest living........

You can never say......the state of mind of this secretary and the agency she works for........she was put in a high school setting just to be a pretedor for young girls who are weak.......and you might think that I am paranoid......call it that. I have teenagers.......and I hear horor stories........there are some kids that have to do things......in order to get by......because they have parents.......who don't give a shit........So, if they are offfered something that is promising.....

So ladies......that are my thoughts........and if you have a something in your closet.....go girls go! LOLOLOLOLOL



I found it hard to take that last reply seriously. Let's be honest, you can't spell for shit therefore why in the hell would I take what she has to say seriously? To assume that all teenagers that come from broken homes are vulnerable is stupid.  To assume that the secretary was put in a high school to prey on young women is also stupid.

So as it turns out (via on the news therefore I have no link) the secretary decided to QUIT her job at the school and find another job. She NO LONGER did the videos, she had done them many years ago when internet porn was just starting out...she hadn't done one in YEARS AND YEARS! Oh, and although the article states that children in the school were talking about the secretary in the porn videos it doesn't mention how the topic came up.... A PARENT went into the school to take care of some business and HE recognized HER from the videos that HE watched. HE felt uncomfortable with her in his child's school so he told his kid about it and asked his kid to talk about it with his/her friends in order to get the word to spread like wild fire.

So in response to the email above about:

"and a pretedor of any kind......can offer help in a negative setting......after all........this secretary feels that adult movies are ok to do"  

As a parent he choose adult movies are okay to watch. Maybe he is a predator to children and maybe he shouldn't be allowed to have children. I mean, what if he leaves porn movies stored on the family computer hard drive and exposes his children to these awful vile things?

So, what do you think? Would you be up in arms about this? Would you want the secretary fired although she broke no laws?

Letter #3: A Letter to my Parents

First of all, this is my 100th post. C'mon thats freaking awesome. I probably wrote more in 2011 than I did in 2010. Kinda sad and pathetic right?

Well here is my letter.

Dear Mom and Dad,


Gosh where does one start a letter to their parents? It seems like there is so much that can be said but other times I feel as if we've said every thing there is to say. You both know that I love you both very very much and wouldn't change my parents for anything. 


Remember how I used to tell you guys that when I had kids I totally wouldn't raise them like you guys raised my sister and me? Well...It's sorta true sorta not.


Now that I am older I realize that you guys were strict on us because you saw everything that was happening in our society and you just weren't used to it. Let's be honest, the way YOU were raised in Greece was most certainly not the way kids were raised in Arlington, TX. I though that you were insanely strict and just didn't want us to have fun, fit in, or be normal. (Hey I'll admit I was allowed to do a lot more than my sister was...) But now that I am a mom I see all the crazy shit that you tried to protect us from...only now its worse. Now its 10 times worse. Today's society is completely insane and I'm very happy to have you both as examples on how to raise children and how to protect them.


Looking back on everything I now know that you didn't miss school plays, talent shows, parent-teacher nights because you wanted to...you did it because you had to work to provide for us the life that we had. (A rather good life if I do say so myself).


If I had to say anything I disliked about your parenting (hey we are being honest right) I'd have to say that I wish you would have given us a little more freedom, given us a bit of space to spread our wings. (Funny I say US but I'm only speaking for myself. I'm not sure what Alex is thinking). I know you wanted to protect us from making mistakes but sometimes learning from our own mistakes is much more powerful than hearing anecdotes and examples of other people's mistakes. Learning and experiencing are very powerful tools.


So mommy and daddy...I basically want to end this the same way I started it. With letting you know that I love you both from the bottom of my heart.


By the way mom: Now I totally get it when you'd tell me "Just become a mom Polexeny and then tell me that I'm crazy!" but can you please STOP telling me,"Wait until you become a grandma...then you'll know why I am the way I am".




Love you,


Your favorite daughter,  (ha ha. I'm kidding Alex now fuck off!)


Jenny 




Other people doing writing challenges:


Heather @ Tomorrow Starts Today


Tash @ Tashsparkles

Dana @ Undercover Super Mom

Are we a weaker race now?

Well well well. What do we have here. Me...blogging? Hell must have frozen over....or wait, maybe I just found a few minutes to myself? I think its the latter no?

I've had this topic in my head for a while and then I finally decided to just go for it. You know what it is? It's about how freaking sensitive we've become as a "people". Everyone gets their panties in a bunch over the smallest thing. They take something not aimed towards them as an attack towards them, their race, their religion, their sex, their sexuality or whatever. It's like, Get over it already! Not only that...are we weaker as a race? As society?

What do I mean? Well...you must be living under a rock if you haven't seen Jersey Shore. All of a sudden all Italian Americans got all offended that they were being misrepresented. Yes...the entire world must think ALL Italians act like horny walking STDs.... When I watch that show do I assume that every Italian likes to be called a guido or guidette? Do I assume they all travel with a carry on full of BRONZER? Do I assume they all like to drink up a storm and will fuck anything that has two legs and a warm hole? Um no. What do I think? I think it makes for some seriously entertaining television. I think that these kids are making asses of THEMSELVES and portraying themselves in a way that I'm sure in 5 years they'll be embarrassed by. If ANYONE watches that show and decides to lump all Italians into one big group...well...how do you put it nicely? They are FUCKING DUMB....Yeah that just about covers it! (Oh and maybe someone should let them know that the majority of the cast are NOT Italian...)


Moving on...


Another hot topic is peanut free schools. Do I get it? Yeah, I can totally get it but at the same time I don't. I realize some people are deathly allergic to nuts but how exactly is it the fault of everyone else?! *Collective gasp* Yeah I said it. I'm sorry when I was in school people were allergic to nuts and they never made our schools peanut free. In fact if you forgot your lunch or lunch money at home the school provided you with....a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and milk! Yes the SCHOOL GAVE OUT PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES! Well what if you are allergic? Um, you speak up and say "I'm allergic can I have a grilled cheese instead!?" Yeah its that simple. Please don't tell me that young kids won't know better. A family friend came over to visit us when Demi was first born. They brought their 3 year old. I said hi to her and she said this, "Hi I'm Eva and I'm allergic to nuts.." THREE YEARS OLD! Right away I knew what NOT to offer her. Did I still leave the nuts out for the adults. I sure as hell did. They, as parents, are responsible for their child. They shouldn't allow their kid to eat nuts...not stop everyone else from having nuts.

If we think about it a lot of people are now being diagnosed with Celiac disease, the inability to breakdown/digest gluten. Do they insist that the school become gluten free? What about those who are allergic to penicillin... do we insist none come into the school?

I think every parent should properly pack their child's lunch. I think the parents should explain to the kids about allergies and the dangers of trading a sandwich or snack with a kid...a kid should know what they are allergic to and just not eat anything with it. Why should the entire school become peanut free?

Was it that allergies weren't that dangerous when I was in grade school? Is it that the school board just didn't give a flying fuck? Maybe our parents didn't care enough about us to insist the school become peanut free? Oh wait, maybe we were just a bit tougher back then and we weren't babied to death. We were supposed to know what could harm us and not harm us...


Okay maybe this one will make you hate me...Why do we coddle our children sooooooo much? What do I mean? The smallest thing happens to our kids and then we think "they need professional help" "they need to speak to someone"... I totally get it if something tragic happens, a parent dies, they are sexually assaulted or whatnot. But NOT EVERYTHING WARRANTS FACE TIME WITH A SHRINK!!

There are two teenagers that I know that have had some medical issues. Nothing that can kill them, not cancer, just medical problems. Guess what? Their doctors recommended they talk to a child therapist in order to discuss how they are feeling because apparently being sick can make you sick in the head. Yeah. I said it. I'm a bitch.

When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with an immune disease that affects my muscles and my use of said muscles. Which muscles? Every single freaking muscle. This is something that would affect my every day life. I had to make changes. I had to take medication...wait, let me rephrase that...I HAVE to make changes, I HAVE to take medication. Do you know how we dealt with that? I went home from the doctor with my dad. I EXPLAINED TO MY PARENTS what the doctor said best I could (old fashioned Greek parents that totally aren't getting what immuno-suppressants and nerons etc are) in some kind of horrible translation, I explained what the medication would do, and we made the changes that we needed to. If I was having a bad day (pitying myself) I'd talk to my mom or sister about it. I'd bitch. I'd complain. I'd read. I'd listen to music. I coped. Nowadays, this type of thing could harm a child. It can make them hate themselves. They need PROFESSIONAL freaking help.

Were we expected to be tougher back then? Did our parents not care about us? Did the doctors not care about us? Was my (and other children patients) mental health not a concern to the doctors? Do we know more today about how certain things can affect a child's mental health then we did back when I was 13? Or is it that we are just softer as a whole. We coddle our children more don't let them develop a thick skin. We don't let them deal with issues. We try to protect them so much that by the time they get out in the real world they are going to be completely and totally fucked up. They aren't going to know what hit them.


I dunno, maybe I'm a bitch but I think that we just coddle EVERYONE, adults and children alike, way too much and its making for a softer, weaker, overly sensitive population. :(

So this morning I am sitting at my desk trying my hardest not to blog about what pissed me the hell off yesterday at church and I decided to get on Facebook. One of my therapies is to read blogs using Networked Blogs.

Well the lovely Mary McCarthy over at Pajamas & Coffee posted a blog on the Mommy Wars. It reminded me of something that I had written over the holidays on my Facebook "notes". I'm reposting it here as it got a lot of feedback on Facebook and it goes so well with what Mary had to say, although she posted in more more eloquent words then my angry self ever could!

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Okay so this isn't really a bitchfest or anything like my last note but this is something that gets on my last freaking nerve. The subject of HOW to raise your children, to be exact, should you or shouldn't you put your children in daycare.

I think that this is a very personal subject and its not up to someone else to judge what is right or wrong for your family. Some families can afford to have the mother stay at home for 10 years to raise the kids while other families can barely manage for the mother to stay home for 10 days. It's not up to you or me or anyone else to decide what is best for the kids or best for the family.

It seems that everytime we are at a family get together this subject comes up. One of my very overly righteous aunts goes on and on about how her daughter has sacrificed for her children by not working since she was first pregnant....over 12 years now. And how said aunt didn't go work for 9 years after she first started to have children. She believes that its the ONLY way to raise children. "If we were able to make do years and years ago why can't you guys make do now."

That irks me to no end. Maybe you were able to make do because you were used to having less. Maybe you were able to make do because your expenses weren't the expenses that people have today. Maybe your daughter is able to make do because she lives in her mother in laws duplex for free? Maybe all of that is why you think that staying home for years on end doing nothing is PROPER and RIGHT for children.

I dunno, I mean, I want to have children and I love children to death but I don't think that I have to give up everything in the world to raise them. I know that sounds wrong but I can't find the right words to say it in. I went to school and got an education to get my career. I love my career and I love my pay. Because of my pay and my husband's pay we were able to get ourselves a very nice house and we have a certain lifestyle that we want to maintain and do the same for our children. Just because I have kids doesn't mean I want to stop wearing designer clothes or drive lower end cars... I want to have that still. I want to have my kids living in a nice and spacious house, I want to drive my nice car still, I want to dress myself and my children in nicer clothes and if that means that my kid has to go to daycare so that I can go to work I will.

The government of Quebec gives you 1 year materinity leave when you have a child. You can take two years but only have one year paid but you are still guaranteed your position back at your job. I plan on doing that or going back to work after 18months. I don't see a problem with children going to daycare. I don't think its wrong, I don't think its abandonment. I do have a problem with parents who take their kids to daycare at 7am and pick them up at 6pm and spend no time with their children....at the same time I have a problem with stay at home moms who just talk on the phone all day and pretty much ignore their children.

But all that being said, I don't think that anyone has the right to say what people should or shouldn't do with their kids regarding daycare. If you want to stay home for 15 years, thats your decision. If you want to stay home for 3 years, thats your decision. If you can only stay home for 6 months thats up to you. You do what you have to do for your children and no one has the right to say anything.

I can't wait to have kids and have my aunt say something about it. I'll have a few choice words for her :)