Well the lovely Mary McCarthy over at Pajamas & Coffee posted a blog on the Mommy Wars. It reminded me of something that I had written over the holidays on my Facebook "notes". I'm reposting it here as it got a lot of feedback on Facebook and it goes so well with what Mary had to say, although she posted in more more eloquent words then my angry self ever could!
Okay so this isn't really a bitchfest or anything like my last note but this is something that gets on my last freaking nerve. The subject of HOW to raise your children, to be exact, should you or shouldn't you put your children in daycare.
I think that this is a very personal subject and its not up to someone else to judge what is right or wrong for your family. Some families can afford to have the mother stay at home for 10 years to raise the kids while other families can barely manage for the mother to stay home for 10 days. It's not up to you or me or anyone else to decide what is best for the kids or best for the family.
It seems that everytime we are at a family get together this subject comes up. One of my very overly righteous aunts goes on and on about how her daughter has sacrificed for her children by not working since she was first pregnant....over 12 years now. And how said aunt didn't go work for 9 years after she first started to have children. She believes that its the ONLY way to raise children. "If we were able to make do years and years ago why can't you guys make do now."
That irks me to no end. Maybe you were able to make do because you were used to having less. Maybe you were able to make do because your expenses weren't the expenses that people have today. Maybe your daughter is able to make do because she lives in her mother in laws duplex for free? Maybe all of that is why you think that staying home for years on end doing nothing is PROPER and RIGHT for children.
I dunno, I mean, I want to have children and I love children to death but I don't think that I have to give up everything in the world to raise them. I know that sounds wrong but I can't find the right words to say it in. I went to school and got an education to get my career. I love my career and I love my pay. Because of my pay and my husband's pay we were able to get ourselves a very nice house and we have a certain lifestyle that we want to maintain and do the same for our children. Just because I have kids doesn't mean I want to stop wearing designer clothes or drive lower end cars... I want to have that still. I want to have my kids living in a nice and spacious house, I want to drive my nice car still, I want to dress myself and my children in nicer clothes and if that means that my kid has to go to daycare so that I can go to work I will.
The government of Quebec gives you 1 year materinity leave when you have a child. You can take two years but only have one year paid but you are still guaranteed your position back at your job. I plan on doing that or going back to work after 18months. I don't see a problem with children going to daycare. I don't think its wrong, I don't think its abandonment. I do have a problem with parents who take their kids to daycare at 7am and pick them up at 6pm and spend no time with their children....at the same time I have a problem with stay at home moms who just talk on the phone all day and pretty much ignore their children.
But all that being said, I don't think that anyone has the right to say what people should or shouldn't do with their kids regarding daycare. If you want to stay home for 15 years, thats your decision. If you want to stay home for 3 years, thats your decision. If you can only stay home for 6 months thats up to you. You do what you have to do for your children and no one has the right to say anything.
I can't wait to have kids and have my aunt say something about it. I'll have a few choice words for her :)