MTV & The Law

I'm watching Jersey Shore right now. It's a repeat so I'm not really paying attention. They showed a commercial for Teen Mom and it was about Amber getting arrested for domestic violence. I don't know why but I got really pissed off. No, seriously. I got mad.

Why!?

A few seasons ago Snooki got punched in the face by some "gorilla" at the bar. MTV first aired the preview for the episode and the entire world got in an uproar over MTV airing this. How in the heck can they air a clip of a woman (?) getting punched in the face by a guy with a clear conscious. How could they? What were they thinking!?  MTV of course edited the footage and showed the fight minus the actual punch in the face.

Then about a year or year and a half MTV aired a scene on Teen Mom in which Amber started punching Gary in front of their young daughter Leah. Once again, everyone was in an uproar. People called the police, the courts demanded that MTV hand over the raw footage of that. Charges were pressed, she was arrested, and custody was taken from Amber (I'm 100% in agreement and its NOT just about the hitting, I think she is a very very shitty mom).

Well, where exactly is the uproar when people watch Jersey Shore and see the ticking time bomb that is known as Ron? In the past 4 sesaons of Jersey Shore Ron repeatedly flips out. When I say flips out I mean physically punching people, destroying personal property that isn't his, and emotionally abusive of his girlfriend (not to say that Sam doesn't act the same way!). Where is are the cries of domestic abuse? Where is the uproar? Where is the "that isn't right, what is MTV thinking!?"

According to Wikipedia Domestic violence is defined as:  Domestic violence, so defined, has many forms, including physical aggression (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g.,neglect); and economic deprivation. Alcohol consumption and mental illness^[ can be co-morbid with abuse, and present additional challenges when present alongside patterns of abuse.


I dunno but it seems to me like that entire paragraph above just basically says "Ron & Sam". I've watched Ron:

• get into a fight on the board walk and get arrested
• shove Sam out of the way (repeatedly)
• completely trash Sam's room and break things (including her glasses)
• put her bed on the porch and say that since she "acts like a dog she can sleep like a dog"
• trash Mike's room and stuff
• get into a physical altercation with Mike.
  
  His behavior is always amplified by drinking. 

I get that the MTV veiwers became concerned because its not normal for a guy to punch a girl (Snooki), be abusive in front of your child (Amber) but are we sitting down and accepting that its okay for a man to treat a woman like this as long as no physical punches are thrown to her? What about emotional abuse? What about mental health?

I never got into an uproar about any of the situations presented above so I'm not going to get my panties in a bunch about this either but for all of those who did get involved by calling the police, sending emails, boycotting the show/network...where are you now? Don't you care?!

What is your opinion on this?

Conversations with my sister in law

First of all, I want to say sorry for just dropping off the face of the earth. It really does feel like there isn't enough time in each day to do everything that I say I would like to do. I make a list of things I want to blog about and sort of just don't get to it by the time I have some "me" time. After I put D to bed I just want to unwind by reading a book, watching tv, writing or just vegging out. I hate that I put my blog last but sometimes relaxing my brain is the most important thing. :)

That being said I want to let you guys know about this conversation I had with my sister in law that completely blew my mind. Actually, it fucking completely blew my mind. It was THAT mind blowing. Now if you have been following this blog for a while you probably already know that my sister and I do NOT see eye to eye when it comes to parenting and raising children. Seriously its like night and day, hot and cold, sane and insane. I tend to think that I am more on the sane side of things while my sister in law is on the insane side. Why?

Well my sister in law is now in Florida and we had this conversation on Thursday of last week. It kinda came up with, "So are you guys ready for Florida" and her reply was "Yeah most of us are ready." "Oh, who isn't ready yet?" She went on to mention how her sister had booked the tickets out of the wrong airport and that her son's girlfriend would be joining them.

Now I'm really sorry, call me old fashioned, call me stupid, call me whatever in the hell you want to call me but bringing your 16 year old son's 15 or 16 year old girlfriend on vacation with you to another country is just insane. It's really really fucking stupid if you ask me. I mean, taking a girlfriend on a vacation is a huge responsibility, especially taking a girlfriend on vacation in another country. I still find it incredible that the girlfriends parents ALLOWED her to go on vacation with her boyfriend.

Then what floored me was this comment from my sister in law: "Well I'm not really happy about it but my son and his cousins wanted her to come."  Um excuse me are we seriously allowing a 16 year old BOY and his cousins that don't even live in the house to make decisions in your house? Is this for real?

I spent the following hour telling my sister in law that I thought she was insane, that although I like the girlfriend I do not think that it is appropriate for a girlfriend or boyfriend to go on vacation with the family at that age. It's like throwing them a box of condoms and saying "Yeah, uh, I'll pretend to not know what is happening okay?"

I have a feeling that one day issues that we see on Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant will be a lot more than just on TV for people who believe this is "ok" and "normal".

So how many of you have taken or would consider taking your child's boyfriend/girlfriend on vacation.

Letter #7: A Letter to an ExBoyfriend

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,


I guess I should start out this letter by thanking you. I should thank you a whole bunch of a lot for helping make me the person that I am today. For a long time I thought that without you life pretty much sucked. For a long time I missed you and longed for you and totally hated moving away a few days after my high school graduation. For a long time I let you ruin a good thing when I had it. For a long time I just came to resent you and then of course...I put the resentment in my back pocket and just continued to love you.


I never really understood our relationship B. It was a freaking roller coaster, our highs were super high and our lows were extremely low and the time it took to get from up to down was short. Both of us had a temper that didn't take too long to flare up and took forever to calm down. You and I were never destined to be together. You know when you just meet someone and know that they were brought into your life for a good reason? I do not know what God was thinking when he had the two of us meet. Even our meeting was a complete fluke. Our relationship was just never meant to happen but you and I just went against all odds. We didn't listen to our mutual friends when they told us how bad we were together. We both chalked up their opinions to "They are just jealous" "They didn't want us to meet because he wanted to date you...she wanted to date you..." (Let's be honest though, that was totally part of the reason. I know. Years later it was admitted to me by BOTH parties. She wanted you, he wanted me), and other stupidities. You know how sometimes you can't really see what is wrong because you are smack dab in the middle? Well when you are an outsider you have a perfect view. People saw that two people like you and I should not date. We thought they were crazy because we were obviously passionate about one another and about our relationship. 


The downfall to our relationship was your jealous and my indifference towards that jealousy. You had graduated high school 4 years earlier and had a job. We didn't get to spend those school hours together that most people my age did. I mean we didn't get to walk each other to class and hold hands in the hallways, go to lunch together, or drive home together. When school let out for the day you were still at work. When you were off of work my parents were home and we all know how much my parents LOVED you and let me spend time with you. Basically we could only sneak around on the weekends...after I finished work at my parents place...or after school let out on your break from work. 


We did everything we could to spend time together and we had a blast together...when we weren't fighting. But if we are being honest with each other we have to admit that you and I had some hilarious times together too. Like, how about when I fell into a mini hole the first night we met (talk about lasting impressions), you showing up 45 minutes late on our first date that my parents KNEW about (what is that I said about impressions), having to hide out at the lake when we were there after hours...therefore making me come home past my curfew (see why my parents loved you so much?), making out at the stop light and not realizing when the light turned green and everyone honking at us, you coming to my window in the middle of the night just for a kiss... Oh yes. We shared a lot of laughs and giggles. But then again all the times we'd fight because of the after school practices with the wrestling team, the fact that most of my friends were guys (did you forget that our relationship alienated me from two of my best girlfriends?!), and of course the lack of time spent together because of my parents not approving of our relationship.


Looking back on everything I see that out of the two of us I made the most sacrifices. I lost my best friends for a while (after dating you and moving away there wasn't much left to salvage), I fought with my parents (mainly mom) all the time, and I just stopped feeling like I was me. You didn't really give up much. Your friends adored me (and warned me against dating you), your mother loved me (although I'm not sure a 2am meeting is the proper time to meet your boyfriends mom) as did your little brother. I was good to you. A lot better than you were too me. I tried so many times to easy your jealousy. I tried to get you to come to a wrestling match to meet the guys so you could see that we were all just very good friends (truth is they didn't want to meet you either). I tried to get you to understand that while my parents disapproving of you made no sense in OUR world they did it for their reasons...


Life got hard for me B. Really hard. I felt like I had to choose between my family and you. Between my friends and you. It was always something versus you. That should have been sign enough that you weren't for me but it wasn't. 


Graduation was nearing and I had a choice to make. I could take a full scholarship to the University of Miami and be with you since that is where you were going for your music program (and lose my parents since they'd essentially disown me since its not what they wanted for me) or move to Montreal which would mean that I would lose you and keep my family happy in in tact. I didn't tell you I was leaving. I'm sorry about that, really, I'm sorry. I called you up one day after graduation and told you I needed some time. I had a big decision to make and just needed time. What I didn't tell you was that my bags were packed and my ticket was purchased. The next time you heard from me I was in Montreal. I made a choice. My family just meant more to me.


I think because I just left you high and dry that I felt guilty. B, you have no idea how many times I cried myself to sleep missing you. Missing your arms around me, missing your kisses, missing all of you. No matter how insanely stupid our relationship was I really did feel safe when I was with you. You were really mad at me, understandably so, and refused to talk to me for a long time. Funny thing though, everytime you'd decide to call me, email me, ICQ me or whatever it was when I was just getting to know a new guy. It's like you just had a "Jenny is over me" sensor and you'd have to interfere. My guilt for leaving you always kicked in and I'd abandon my thoughts of dating whatever guy I was getting to know. I'd come home from my college classes and talk to you on the phone, I'd stay up late every night and we'd talk. It's like we were long distance dating without ever really saying that is what we were doing. I kept coming back to Texas for visits and our roller coaster relationship continued. You tried to convince me to move back. I refused. We'd fight. We'd make up. I came back to Montreal. You disappeared.  Repeat cycle for about 3 years. 


Why did I feel so guilty? I guess its because while I was trying to move on our friends would tell me that you weren't. That you still read the letters I had written you while I was bored in class so many years ago. That my picture was still framed in your room. That you were still stuck in 1999 while I had moved on. I'm sorry about that but I couldn't really change things. Try putting yourself in my shoes.


I thought about it a lot. I thought about what would happen if I had gone to Florida with you. This would have been my life. Living on campus for the first year, living with you in an apartment after that, probably dropping out of school because I was pregnant. Then we'd accidentally have a second one. 3 years later I'd be alone because our relationship would have completely fizzled. I'm saying that all of that would have happened in three years if not sooner. I would have eventually tired of your jealousy and fights would ensue. We'd wake up one day and be like "Fuck me. What did I do." For that, I'm not sorry. I think my life turned out pretty good and I can only hope that yours turned out like that too.


How odd that a few years ago I was in Texas visiting my parents when you came to their store and I was there? I swear I just stood there staring at you in awe wondering if you recognized the woman I had become because she was so different from the girl that moved away. I almost thought it wasn't you. I kept telling myself, "if he turns around and there is a tattoo on the back of his neck it IS B. I'm not imagining it." There was a tattoo. At the exact same second we both said each other's name. It was great to see you. I was happy to see you actually. I had lost complete touch with you and had no idea what was going on with you. I didn't know if you were still in Texas or had moved... 


Talking to you was great. I was happy to hear that your girlfriend was pregnant. I was happy to hear that you'd gotten a job in the industry you wanted to break into. I was genuinely happy for you. I'm sorry that I couldn't bring myself to go have lunch with you. It's not that I was afraid of what could have happened or getting feelings for you again. Its just that....well...I sort of liked having you in the past and that is where I wanted to keep you. I didn't want to mix you with my present or the future. You were my first love and you taught me a lot about love. You taught me what normal, healthy, happy relationships should be like....the complete opposite of what we had. I'm not saying I was never happy with you because I was happy with you. Really. I was. I just know NOW that I could have been happier, we could have been healthier together, we could have been normal. We weren't and that was a stepping stone for me.


B, I just want to let you know that a little part of my heart will always belong to you. A woman never forgets her first love. Never. 


XOXO


-Jenny


P.S. What my mom said was, "Don't think I don't know who that is" when we said each others names. She remembered you. She wasn't happy but she didn't ask what we talked about when we walked off together. 

Relationship Rules...oh wait, I mean common sense!

You know the types of things that people post on Twitter and Facebook are extremely alarming. Seriously, people feel so comfortable in the cyberworld that they forget that people in the real world really know them. I don't get why people post half the crap they do...but they do and of course that leaves people like me something to blog about so I don't mind so much.

From my past few years of social networking and my recent year of twittering I've picked up a few relationship rules that I figured I'd share with you. Hell, I might be saving your relationship as we speak. You can totally thank me later. I also accept tips via my paypal :)

1. If you don't want people questioning why you are in a certain relationship stop writing crazy shit as your status or latest blog post. If you tell everyone that your husband hits you...people will call him abusive. If you tell people that he constantly ridicules you, they will still call him abusive as well as scum and other choice words. Don't expect because the next day he bought you flowers for everyone to be "Oh that's so freaking sweet!" It's called sucking up because he wants your dumb ass to stick around so that he can continue to beat on you. He's an insecure man and you are insecure therefore an easy target for him. Don't find excuses for him, "Oh he was drunk. Oh he had a hard day at work. Oh his mom had really gotten under his skin that morning". I don't give one fucking shit how bad his day was, how much he drank, or who pissed him off....it doesn't give ANYONE the right to take their shit out on their spouse. STOP complaining about how shitty he is and continue to stay with him and then make excuses. Get the fuck off of that train and soon. I seriously have a feeling in my stomach that one of my twitter friends will end up dead at her husbands hands within the next few years. Yes, its that bad.

2. CHILDREN DO NOT SAVE MARRIAGES. If you and your spouse are thinking of ending your relationship having a baby will NOT help. It might at first, for a few weeks, or months, or even a year but then all those feelings you felt will come up again and you'll still end up divorced....only now you are dragging innocent little kids into it. Eventually you will end up hating your spouse and likely resenting the kid too. Kids shouldn't be used as pawns in a marriage. Have kids when you are happy in your HEALTHY relationship and when BOTH of you want them. I have a friend from HS who was miserable in his marriage. He stayed with his wife for the sake of their first kid. The more they talked about divorce the more angry she got. She got herself knocked up again and now he's staying for the sake of the kids. He's miserable, she's miserable and the kids feel that tension. (Seriously folks, if you are thinking of divorcing your spouse how about you keep your private parts to yourself to this type of shit doesn't happen?)

3. ENTRAPMENT. What do I mean? Say you are that couple that has a super rocky relationship. You are together for a week, broken up for a week, together for 3 months, broken up for 1 month... yeah... those types of couples should seriously invest in birth control. Let's be honest, usually when people have those rocky relationships its because one person wants more than the other. Someone wants to get married and the other doesn't...one wants kids and the other doesn't. People that are on the same page rarely have roller coaster relationships. If you are in a relationship like this USE BIRTH CONTROL. If your girlfriend wants to get married and have kids and you don't....do NOT rely on her for birth control. Use a fucking condom. That is the type of girl who will "accidentally" get pregnant. Why? Because she thinks that by her being pregnant she'll get it all. The ring, the baby, the house, and the perfect life. It's RARELY like that. Okay, so say he does give you a ring. He proposes and agrees to marry you...is that what you really want? You want a guy to marry you ONLY because he wants to do right by his child? He doesn't want to marry YOU for YOU...he's doing it because he feels PRESSURED by either his family or society to "do right by you"? I don't know about you but I have way too much self esteem and self respect to trap a man into marrying me. If you don't want me for me I'm not going to scheme to come up with plans to get you to marry me. I'm moving on honey. I mean, isn't that really shitty? You basically ruined someone else's life by tricking them and forcing them to be a husband and a father when they didn't want that at all for themselves? Oh, word to the wise, for those of you who have done this or plan on doing this DO NOT TELL ANYONE. Why? Because one day the cat will find its way out of the bag and you are going to drag other people through your shit and I'm sure they don't want to be there. Huh? Say you do this and you tell your best friend... or a good friend...or a friend in general. You guys have a huge fight. You both explode and say things that you either really mean or don't mean so much. Now trapped husband is listening and the friend screams something like, "oh yeah, at least I didn't trick "enternamehere" into marrying me bitch!" Yeah, you are pretty much screwed. Especially if boyfriend and you had trust issues prior to that. Do yourself a favor and don't tell anyone...not in real life, not on twitter, not on facebook. Take that shit to the grave.


Yeah so those are my few short tips. It's sad to think that its 2010 and some people still don't get it. It's not rocket science people, its freaking common sense! I'm sure I'll see more things and update this list in another blog post at a later date...until then....keep posting random shit for me to see! :)

That Kiss (an old blog from years ago!)

Okay so tomorrow I'm going to have a guest blogger here thanks to the Blog Swap hosted by 20sb.com and I was looking for an old blog to get my inspiration for the topic we both decided to blog about and I came across this jewel.

Oh how much someone can change in just a matter of a few years.....

************ Original blog posted ages ago****************


As much as I like to think that Im good with words and I have a way of expressing myself it seems like I cant ever get out my true feelings. Sure I can bitch and moan about things that bother me but I struggle a lot when it comes to expressing what I feel and what I want. In fact Ive started this blog like 5 times and constantly go back and delete everything but the title of it.

So why not delete the title of this blog? Youll find out later on I guess. Have you ever met someone that was so perfect for you but you never got a chance to be with them for some reason or another? They managed to slip away because the two of you werent on the same page or one wasnt ready for the commitment that the other was? You would refer to them as the one that got away, right? Well what do you do if the one that got away somehow found a way to slip back into your life? Do you see that as an opportunity and seize it or do you sit back in the shadows and watch it slip away again?

What if the situation isnt as cut and dry as that? What if there is a third party involved? Do you keep your mouth shut and say nothing because someone else is in the picture or do you follow your heart and go after what it really wants? See my situation isnt that cut and dry. There is a third party and there is all this damn distance. I sit here and I think of everything and a part of me wonders if its not a real attraction on both of our parts, more like a tease but then I really think of what I feel and what I know is true and I dont think its a game. I know on my part its not a game. I have feelings for someone that I had feelings before in the past and never perused, and Im sure even if I had mentioned my true feelings that things would still end up like this. 10 years ago neither of us was in any sort of position to make any kind of commitment to one another, besides didnt I flee the country 8 years ago right after I walked across that stage? (Thats another story all in its self that you dont need to know about.)

So now Im stuck in a situation that I dont find fair to anyone involved. This is the point in life when Mr. Anderson pops into my mind with his little expressionm Rule Number One. Life is not fair. I wonder if Mr. Anderson ever found out how truly right that expression was.

So without putting any pressure on anyone, I feel like my entire life can be fixed by one simple kiss. A kiss that will tell me everything. A kiss that will let me know if the feelings are the same on both parts, a kiss that will tell me what to do with my life. You know, the type of kisses that you see in movies where fireworks go off and the girls leg goes up in the air? Ive been waiting all of my life for a kiss like that and I truly think that this one person in my mind can give me a kiss like that.

That kiss is the only thing Im looking forward to.


********************The Aftermath*********************


So what happened after "THAT kiss"? Were lives shattered? Was everything happily ever after? Did the Earth standstill? Did the world still go on?

Without getting into too many details:
Lives chaged, the world went on, friendships were lost, hearts were broken, and people never spoke again.

Sometimes, THAT kiss is better left as a thought instead of brought to reality. Sometimes having such high expectations ends in upset and hurt.

Dating a Greek...DRAMA

So Heather and I really seem to be on the same page with a lot of things regarding what we blog about. I do consider her to be some of my blogspiration. Maybe we both just feed off of each other.

Well the other day I was THINKING about blogging about something and I ended up not blogging but she did. Her topic was very similar to mine and we hadn't even talked about it. I found it strange. Maybe we are kindred spirits or something. I personally find it freakishly hilarious.

So what was I going to blog about? An ex boyfriend of course!!!! So what brought this one? I don't remember exactly what it was but it was something my co-worker had said. He mentioned something and I started laughing saying, "Oh yeah?" and then I made a mental note to blog about it. I misplaced my mental note until just now.

So without further adieu I bring you "Dating A Greek.....DRAMA".


***********************************

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent)


When I first moved to Montreal 10 years ago I started hanging out with my God brother Peter since everyone else related to me was much older or they were my age but thought that marriage at 18 was a great idea. Peter and I, along with his brother (my other God brother) Bobby would hang out. They'd take me out and introduce me to people. They introduced me to Peter's friend Billy. Billy was hot. I was told I couldn't date him because he was my God brother's best friend. I understood but I hated it. I hated being told what to do. I got pissed at Billy for following direct orders from Peter. What was he a dog(In hindsight I respect Billy for not dating his best friends godsister)? Needless to say I stopped hanging out with my God brothers. I was upset okay?

Now my two uncles who are about mine and my sisters age (so we actually call them cousins although they are our uncles) decide to take me under their wing. There was a Greek dance party and they invited me to join them and their friend Lazo. I said I'd come just to get out but 1. I don't like Greek music 2. I don't dance to Greek music and 3. I can't freaking dance. They take me anyway because hey, who can resist a good night out meeting new people.

They pick me up and I go to their house to get ready. I meet Lazo and I'm interested. He's cute but a little short for my liking (hey at 5'9" A LOT of guys are short) but cute nonetheless. We get into the car and we go to the club. Everyone is really nice and buying me drinks. Lazo wants to teach me to dance and I tell him that I'm horrible, I have 2 left feet. He teaches me anyway and I start to have a good time (I think the liquor is helping at this point as its the first time I'm drinking anything non beer like, hey legal drinking age in the US is 21. I'm 17 in Montreal and drinking!)

They drop me off that night and I tell them I had a great time and that we should do it again soon. I speak to one of my uncles a few days later and I ask him whats up with Lazo, what the 411 on him. My uncle tells me that he wouldn't dare date me because he's a womanizer and my uncle would break his legs. I am down with that. I don't want my heart broken!

My surgery gets scheduled. I go in. They cut me open. I'm not enjoying life at all. Canada sucks. Cute guys but all non datable and they freaking cut me open? I want a refund. I want to go back to Texas. Guess who visits me at the hospital? LAZO! Yeah, strange eh? He won't date me but he shows up to see me a day after my surgery when I'm in dire pain, hair all messy, and bad breath because the nurses won't let me brush my teeth. Wow, just how every girl wants a cute boy to see her!! He says hi, sticks around for a while while I drift in and out of consciousness. My uncles show up. They talk. And some how I'm hearing the Bible story of Lazarus for the first time..and I wake up thinking Lazo died while I was semi awake. I get over that pretty quickly. End result is after I leave the hospital Lazo and I still aren't heading for datesville and I don't mind. I mean, I have to un-enroll from college, stay home for 6 months while I heal properly, and wallow in self pity being in a country where I know NO ONE!

So being in a new country with people I didn't know and hardly any friends (college hadn't started yet) what was I to do? I had gotten online and installed a nifty little program named ICQ. I added some local people, I added some folks from Texas and blah blah blah. I ended up talking to some dude named FingerElven. My chat name was Prigkipsha (Princess in Greek (horribly misspelled)). We spoke almost every day but we NEVER met up!You know why?! He KNEW my Godbrother! FOR CRYING OUTLOUD!!

Blah blah blah blah blah fast forward to about 3 or 4 years later (my time lines are horrible). I had just broken up with my boyfriend L.C and was just dating people. My mechanics son (John) (yeah from when we were on good terms!) was looking to hook one of his friends up with someone and I was looking to hook up my friend with someone. It sounded perfect. Oh, I should mention here that John had a huge crush on me but I was totally oblivious to this. John and I said that we'd take our respective friends with us for coffee and see if they hit it off. We all meet up and my friend decided to invite someone else, my friend Joe. Blah! 5 people set ups were kind of strange. When you are 4 people you force the two you are trying to hook up to sit next to each other and then you just ignore them...that wasn't going to work now.

Well during conversation I noticed that Costa (John's friend) wasn't interested in my friend. He seemed to be paying more attention to me, talking to me more, and I didn't really mind because like I said, I was dating too! I was single and mingling, going on random dates. I tried to see if my friend was interested in Costa or not but it didn't appear to be the case. (Turns out she invited her BOYFRIEND that she hadn't told me about yet but didn't want to let me down so she still showed up!!!). Anyway, as we are talking John mentioned that I had just moved from Texas a few years ago and then he called me Prigkipsha. Costa's face looked like a light bulb went off. He asked me if I had ICQ and if I used to chat with someone named FingerElven. I was shocked. 3 or 4 years later I end up meeting a dude who wouldn't meet me because of who I was related to. The night ends, we pay our bill (well, the guys paid) and we all said our good byes. No telephone numbers exchanged, no email addresses, nothing.

A few weeks go by and now I'm hanging out with one a guy who ended up not dating me because he was friends with my uncle. (Dude, the Greek community in Montreal is small. You can fart and the whole Greektown will know about it!). After seeing me again after so many years he told me that now that I was older and more settled he didn't mind hanging out with me. He wasn't afraid of my uncles, he just didn't want to be the first Canadian/Greek boy I dated. I thought that was cool and didn't mind hanging out with him. We were hanging out for a while (and by hanging out I mean, like dating and making out. So now Lazo and I had tickets to go see a Tori Amos concert but something happened and I had to go to the hospital. Lazo came with me but somehow my car ended up with John who was on a date. After I got home from the hospital I called John (this is before texting was super popular and people still called one another)to tell him that I was home and he could drop off my truck whenever he was free. John rushed right over thankful to get away from his date that was apparently going crappy. He rings my apartment number, I buzz him in. He asks for me to make him an iced coffee and he and Lazo are sitting at my kitchen table talking. John is going on about how his date sucks and how she was a crazy chick and she asks Lazo "Do you have a girlfriend" and he answers, "yeah shes making you coffee right now." I almost dropped the glass because at that point I didn't know that Lazo and I were boyfriend and girlfriend. I thought we were still getting to know one another and we were just dating. I wasn't seeing anyone else as all my free time was with Lazo but whatever. I was happy and smiling.

Lazo left to take John home. Everything is fine.I go to Lazo's soccer games which was really odd because I'd never gone to any of my uncles and they are on the same team. I was a girlie cheerleader for them always screaming and shouting for them to win. My uncle's girlfriend was there too so it was fun. Everything was great. For now. Lazo and I go to a soccer banquet. I run around with him to pick up some decorations and pick up the flowers that were donated. We go home, get ready, and then go back to the banquet for the reception. Lazo was having a great time dancing and mingling. I wasn't having such a great night. I'm not a dancer and my disease really limits the amount of dancing I can do as I get tired super easily. I was mingling with some of the girls there (that from conversation I picked up that a few of them had dated Lazo, a few wanted to date Lazo, and that I was not so well liked because I WAS dating Lazo). Anyway at the end of the night I was taking Lazo home when he asked me if instead I wanted to go to a Greek dance bar that was a hole in the wall. I told him that no, I'd rather go home I was very tired and just wanted to sleep. He got upset and broke up with me that night because we were too different (yes one had a disease that made us tired and the other had a chip on his shoulder!). I was all like, okay. I was sad but I'd get over it right?

The next day I called my friend Joe (who had broken up with my friend by this point) to see what was up and we talked and I told him about what happened with Lazo. He suggested we go out and party. We did. I think its the first time I ever lit a cigarette and put it to my lips. I wasn't stressed but it was a huge shock to me to just be broken up with because I didn't dance. I was actually angry. Joe suggested that we go home, pack a suitcase and go to Toronto for the weekend. I was game with that plan. We did. We did a lot of bonding on that road trip too. He told me why he and my friend had broken up, he told me how he was hating his job and all that other stuff. We got to know each other and I understood why he and my friend broke up.

We came back to Montreal a few days later all well rested and me being a non smoker again. I was over this BS with Lazo. A few weeks after the break up John calls me to see what I'm doing. I tell him all is well. He asks about Lazo. I tell him about the break up and he said thats why he hadn't called. He didn't want to be calling a girl who was in a relationship. I told him its stupid. We are friends, friends hang out whenever. The subject of Costa came up and John told me that the night he had come over he was going to tell me that Costa kept asking about me but with me dating Lazo he didn't think it was the right time to bring it up.

John did the nice friend thing and invited me to hang out with him and some of his friends, Costa included. Costa and I spoke, we got to know one another more, and eventually we started dating. Go figure. It's been long enough right?

One day I had gotten sick but had plans to meet with John and Costa at a coffee shop near my apartment. I called John and told him that he had to come get me because I didn't feel well. He told me he was sending Costa and I was refusing. I didn't want Costa to see me sick...I mean didn't that cost me my relationship with Lazo. John told me that Costa should come and he had his reasons for it. Costa shows up. Before we go to the car he sits me down in this little lobby area of my apartment building and explains to me that he had an exgf who had cancer. He wasn't very supportive when she had cancer, he didn't know how to handle it and they broke up. I was floored. I was expecting another "See ya". He told me that he regrets that and he'd never do that to me. Thats when he told me he loved me for the first time. It was sweet. I almost cried. He helped me to the car and helped me into the coffee shop (where ironically enough my friend and Joe were there getting together again! LOL).

I was in school and guess who was in one of my classes? Costa's bestfriends girlfriend. We recognized one another from the few time's we'd all hung out together. We made arranagements for just the girls to go out one night. Everything was going great. We'd been together for months and everything was perfect. We'd all go out as big groups, just the two of us, just the girls, just the boys, double date with my sister and her boyfriend at the time (Kosta....yeah thats weird. We both dated a Nick at the same time too). Life was grand.

Then everything isn't so perfect anymore. I was at the coffee place by my house with John and we were talking about what everyone was up to. I told him Costa was working late and I'd be seeing him later. He gave me a look. I looked at him and demanded he spill the beans. He told me Costa wasn't working late but was at his firend's house just hanging out. I was furious. I was angry and of course confused. How do things go so well and then just kind of die? And for no reason? I called Costa as soon as I got home and told him I didn't want a bullshit answer but to be straight up with me. Why would he lie to me? His answer: "Baby, I love you but you aren't dating material. You are marriage material and I'm not ready for something that serious right now." I was shocked, I was confused, and I was just plain fucking pissed off. Guess what smartass? I'm YOUNGER than you and not looking for marriage right now EITHER! I hung up the phone and was just.... I don't even have the words for it.

Fast forward another 2 or 3 years. I'm at a concert with my friends and boyfriend (now husband and at the time we were engaged). As I'm walking to the bathroom guess who stops me to chit chat? Costa and John. John and I hadn't spoken in about a year or so because he decided to inform me that he liked me and I was apparently too stupid to see it. He was mad because I dated Costa....Umm buddy, you hooked us up! Costa is looking at me like I was an alien. John walked away. We exchange the greek air kisses and a hug and ask how we each are doing. I inform him I'm engaged now and he looked shocked. Whats so shocking? Aren't I marriage material? He tells me if I wanted to come join them what table I could find them at and then as he's hugging me good bye he whispers in my ear, "I was stupid to let you get away." I wanted to laugh and let him know that he had really left me heartbroken because I just didn't understand why we broke up. I wasn't pressuring him to get married, to move in, to meet his parents. We were just taking things day by day. A few months after our break up I sort of wondered if maybe what happened with his ex happened with me too. Maybe he couldn't handle dating someone who was sick? Yes, my disease affects my everyday life but not THAT dramatically. I whisper back in his ear and inhale the wonderful scent of Jean Paul Gauliter that he always wore, "Yes you were, but thank you for doing it."

I could probably go on writing for days on end about my experiences dating Greek guys here in Montreal but I'm gonna end it here. Obviously things worked out for the better. I ended up getting married to George who treats me like a princess. He spoils me rotten and worships the ground I walk on. I love him to death and we are happy together. All of my dating experiences just made me stronger.

Guess what? Costa is still single.

Even More Cheating....

So earlier today I wrote a post about Dan and Marie and I wasn't able to get into too many details because I wrote the post while I was at work and on my lunch break. Oddly enough, I actually DO have to do some work while I'm in the office so my post was a little rushed.

Actually, it was a lot of rushed. There was so much more that I wanted to discuss but I wasn't able to because my boss came in and I had to quickly publish the story and move about my day.

I logged onto my email and saw a comment from Heather where she told me she would be blogging about something similar. After Weight Watcher, dinner, a walk with the dog I'm home and got to read Heather's post Why Am I Not Good Enough and it struck a cord with me.

If you read Heather's blog she talks about how two of her friends slept with their ex boyfriends, who now have new girlfriends. It's an interesting read and I suggest you go there and read it. This post isn't about girls sleeping with their exes even though they've moved on it about CHEATING in general.

I know a girl who was cheated on by the "love of her life" (at least he was for this particular story. This girl (lets call her Emily) was totally in love with her boyfriend (we'll call him dickface of DF for short okay?). She did everything for DF and she could see herself spending the rest of her life with DF.

To put things into perspective Emily was a full time student and DF was employed. He worked in an office building. Can you see where this story is going? DF did the totally typical thing and decided to cheat on Emily with his secretary. Emily eventually found out and she wasn't as livid as I was. She was more upset and hurt. She immediately broke things off with DF and she couldn't stop talking shit about the secretary. Now I don't blame her for that but it does take two to tango. I mean, DF wasn't fucking himself on that wooden desk now was he?

So secretary got a horrible wrap. She was a bitch, a slut, a home wrecker, an evil whore. There were synonyms upon synonyms we called her. And if you ask me, she deserved it. It's not like she didn't know about Emily. She was the one putting the calls thru from Emily to DF. She was the one who would see Emily come into the office for visits.

Emily was disgusted by that evil little home wrecking whore face cunt. I was too. Do you know why I was disgusted? My second serious boyfriend in Montreal cheated on me almost the ENTIRE duration of our 18 month relationship. I couldn't believe it when I found out but thanks to a Greek website and a lot of gossiping girls we finally got to the bottom of it. ExBF of mine was actually cheating on HIS girlfriend with me! WHAAAAAAAAAAT?! Can someone explain that to me? Let's see if any signs of cheating were there.

1. Is with me DAILY. Either to go out to eat dinner or to come hang out at my apartment or to go see a movie. We saw each other EVERYDAY for HOURS at a time.

2. I met his entire family. Mom, Dad, Brother, and Grandmother. I met all of the friends. The friends referred to me as "GF".

3. All major holidays were spent together: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, Easter, my birthday, his birthday.

4. We dated for 18 months.

5. On that Greek website we referred to one another as girlfriend/boyfriend and there were pictures of together (hugging, kissing, cuddling) on that website.

Yeah. I couldn't believe all the gossip at first. I mean, how could ExBF have another girlfriend? How was I the other woman?

Well apparently the "real" girlfriend was studying to be a doctor or a lawyer (I don't remember now) and was a real book worm. She'd never leave her house to do anything because she was too busy studying. He'd leave my house at night and go see her. Ummm what?

Yeah so when I found out and actually believed it (Yes it took a lot of convincing. I was young and completely in love) I broke off with him and never wanted to see him again. Although I saw him a lot after that. We'd end up going to the same bars/clubs. I'd see him and stand within a few feet from him and ignore the fact that he was alive. You should have seen the look on his face when both me and the "real" (now also ex) girlfriend were dancing together being *gasp* friends!

But in all seriousness, nothing beats the look on his face when it was my birthday and there was this huge party at a club. He was looking like he was having a good time and my boyfriend at the time decided to send him & his friends some shots (the new boyfriend new the story of the ex). So as they are taking the shots the DJ announces on the speakers how its time to celebrate a very specials person's birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! Like, how dumb are you to come to that club on that particular night when you KNOW its my birthday party?


Anyway, back to the story of Emily and DF. Emily eventually moved on and got a new BF. He was a pretty awesome guy if I do say so myself. I mean, her BF was my friend way before Emily was my friend so I liked the guy. He was awesome to party with and a great friend. They ended up not working out and life moved on.

Well lets fast forward a few years. Emily now meets this other guy. This guy is a total tool so we will call him Tool. Tool was a bum. I don't recall him ever working. All he'd do was hang out at this coffee shop all the time. Emily and him hit it off and everything was going great...then he had to go on vacation to the "mother land". While he was in the mother land he started to become distant and thats when he informed Emily that although he was head over heels for her he somehow managed to get someone else pregnant. Yeah, I know. Don't you hate when you suddenly impregnate someone and don't even know how?

After having to convince Emily for MONTHS that Tool was...well.... a tool she got it. She went back to her single life and enjoyed it. Then she met someone at school. She met a guy who she considered to be a great guy, only there was a problem.

This guy had a girlfriend. But that doesn't matter. He didn't want to be with his girlfriend she just didn't understand what a break up was? She couldn't accept the fact that it was over. He didn't really love her and was waiting for the right time to break up with her.

Soooo there were all these excuses (from Emily) on why new guy still had a GF. I told Emily that even thinking of being with this guy was a huge mistake. Doesn't she remember what it felt like to be cheated on? She feed me all the excuses from above when I just asked her, "What if DF was telling his secretary the same thing?" What if secretary though that DF was just waiting for the right time to end it with her? What if secretary was being told Emily just didn't get the clue and that it was really over?"

Emily suddenly didn't care. This was the guy for her. The girlfriend was just a little pothole in a perfectly paved high way to Happily Ever After Bliss.

I didn't agree. I mean. I know what its like to find out that your boyfriend is cheating on you. Emily knows what its like to be cheated on. She was pissed off that the secretary was banging her BF KNOWING that EMILY existed but wasn't EMILY doing the very same thing?

Cheaters never change. Once a cheater always a cheater. I just don't understand if you are unhappy with your current relationship why don't you just end it and instead of cheating on someone and making them feel like shit?

People who cheat make me sick.

The Problem with Young People Today....

is that they don't respect anyone. That includes themselves.

I don't even know how to start this blog especially because I never know who is reading this blog. I'm not trying to be "private" or anonymous in writing this blog but for the sake of people involved I don't want to give out too much information. But this story NEEDS information, it NEEDS details.

Do you guys remember my post from last week My First Reality Check? Well this past weekend I found out that someone else very close to me had their first real reality check too regarding young relationships.

A kid I know, a great kid in fact, has a girlfriend. Let's call these kids Dan and Marie. Dan is a great kid with a huge heart. He hasn't really ever gotten into any trouble, no attitude problem. He's far from perfect but he's a great kid. Dan has been in a relationship for a while with Marie. Dan treats Marie amazingly. He is always taking her out, going to her place, having her at his house. He's introduced her to a lot of his extended family.

Well guess how Marie decided to repay him? Yep, she totally cheated on him! Gasp! Yeah a 16 year old little slut cheated on Dan. I know, it freaked me out. She actually cheated on sweet little Dan.

How do I know this? I won't go into details but the mother, a cell phone, and some spying was all involved. What we were able to come up with was this Marie cheated on Dan by giving head to another guy.

I'll wait while you all pick your jaws up off the floor.

So not only is she having sex regularly with her boyfriend, Dan, she is also giving head to random guys. Um Where exactly is the self respect?

I know, I get it, people are having sex younger and younger these days. Hell, they were apparently having sex young during my time too. I mean Corrie fucked Wayne and she was young. Dan and Marie are having sex and they are young.

It makes me shudder to think what kind of things MY kids will grow up to see.

Aren't you parents of young children completely freaked out by things like this? How do you plan on raising your kids to respect their bodies? What age is the "right" age for starting to have sex?


BTW: An alternate title for this blog was: "She put it in her mouth".

Mystery Date Night -- Keeping the Romance Alive.

So the other day I was reading a blog TheNearlyweds when Jen gave me an idea. Her and her boyfriend, oops fiancé', do a date night every once in a while. I thought it was a great idea and a nice way to spend some time together.

My husband and I were married for 2.5 months when his mother passed away and it hit him really hard and it affects our relationship big time. Not only were we dealing with him mourning the loss of his mother but we also had to "take in" his father. No we didn't move him into our home but we would have him over all the time, in fact as I write this blog he is sitting on the couch across the living room from me. So needless to say, George and I don't exactly get to spend a lot of time together unless its bed time. We enjoy entertaining so we invite friends over, we like to go out with our friends, and then the times we want to be alone, his father feels lonely so George will bring him over.

We’ve butted heads about this a few times. I don’t mean to be a bitch and not want his father over all of the time but c’mon, all of the time? When do we get our alone time? Why can’t your father go to your brother’s house? Why can’t your father get a hobby? How come he isn’t bored Monday through Friday but suddenly he’s bored the days he knows you are home?

But I give in and someone goes and picks up the father in law and drops him off at the end of the day. But any way you look at it, it too has strained the relationship. The “newlywed” experience wasn’t really grand for me; much less for George.

So when I read Jen & Ted’s blog, I loved the idea. We used to date a lot before we got married and engaged and it was so much fun. We’ve decided to do a mystery date night and we set out some ground rules.

1. We will do mystery date night every two weeks only taking off December because of the holidays and January of 2010 because we have a lot to do for my sisters wedding.

2. It MUST be done on a weekend (Friday or Satuday night or Sunday DAY).

3. Although it’s a surprise (mystery) you have to tell the other person how to dress. (No dresses for a surprise horseback riding trip).

4. Must be paid for through our joint account but it also has to be reasonable, we have no set budget for this but we will use our best judgement.

5. We can’t do something that will embarrass or scare the other person. (So no nude beaches (like I’d go!!) or jumping off of bridges or out of planes (being pushed out isn’t the same as jumping right!?)

6. No other couples unless its agreed upon by both parties.

7. The non planning person must agree to go wherever the planning party says. Person planning must do the driving.

8. Once I become pregnant I am allowed to veto any planned date night due to feeling sick, not in the mood for it, or I’m just being emotional and want to cuddle in bed with Dallas and Twilight.

9. We sign a 25 year contract for this (like a mortgage) with certain terms for 5 years (current terms) and we can renegotiate the terms every 5 years.


So the rules are pretty straight forward and George decided that he wants to be the first to plan our date night. We are doing our first date night on our Good Friday (Our as in Orthodox) so I’m wondering what its going to be. I hope its not something super religious but he did tell me to get dressed up.

Now I need some ideas on something we can do together that we’ll both enjoy since George made sure to take away my best ideas (bungee jumping and sky diving). A few ideas I had were:

Going to a vineyard and doing some wine tasting
Going to some museums downtown since George loves history and we’ve never gone to the museums in Montreal.
Go to Granby Zoo when it opens.
Horseback riding
Fishing (ewwww this one is going to kill me)
Take a cooking course together
Surprise picnic.
Sending him away for the majority of the day so I can cook and clean and then have a nice romantic night in, with candles and all that usual nonsense I laugh at.

Any other ideas? Can you guys help me out with things that guys enjoy doing that won’t make me squirmy?

He's Just Not That Into You

He spit on your sandwhich because he likes you. He teases you in front of everyone because he has a crush on you. He didn't ask you out because he doesn't want to be the only guy in his group of friends in a relationship. He's just not ready for a serious relationship. He just got out of a serious relationship. He's intimidated by your career/education/social status. He probably lost your number. He just doesn't want to seem to eager.

So...tonight I went out with one of my best friends to see this movie (ignore the medicore reviews, the movie is AMAZING and hilarious!) and I found that the both of us kept on laughing at the most inapproriate times. Well, maybe we weren't laughing at the inapproriate times, maybe we just realized what relationships were like and laughed at the actual funny parts. Why is it funny? Because its true.

Well during the movie and after the movie I thought, "Why do women do this to each other"? Why are we always coming up with these crazy ass excuses as to why a guy never called back or something of that sort. We sit there and read off a grocery list of potential reasons why a guy isn't expressing interest after a initial meeting. We'll say something like he's following the three day rule or he wants to take it slow so he doesn't seem to eager. If more time has passed we tell one another that he guy is probably just scared because we are so beautiful, so smart, so career driven or something. It's so annoying.

Do we all really think that women are such delicate flowers that the truth will cause our petals to wilt? Why are we always trying to sheild one anothers feelings by trying to sugar coat things or try to make excuses for people who obviously aren't interested. I've never been the type of person to sugar coat things and I actually tell my friends what I really feel but I do remember being on the recieving end of some of their advice regarding guys and it was always the same thing. I'm sure that every single person who watches the movie or reads the book can related to one or more of the excuses that were given and it made me laugh. Looking back on past relationships and seeing the mistakes that I made or excuses I made for people. God, are we truly that pathetic?

Whatever happened to being open and honest? What ever happened to going on a date with someone and knowing if you hit it off or not and just saying "I really enjoyed tonight" and really mean it or being honest and saying "Thanks for dinner but I just don't feel anything..." Wouldn't that kind of thing just make life so much easier for everyone?

I guess the reason this struck a chord so much is because one of my friends and her boyfriend recently broke up (oddly enough due to one of the reasons in the movie) and I hate to think that shes going to have to join the dating scene again and have to go through that. Go through wondering if the person really meant what he said or not. Sitting down over coffee and analyzing and reanalyzes everything that a guy said. Did it mean this or that? Did he say it with this type of look on his face or that type of look? Was there a lot of light gentle touching.

Wouldn't it be great if at the end of a date people had to give each other a score hard that had little yes/no check boxes and questions like, "Did you honestly enjoy your date tonight" "Would you go out with your date again" "Do you find the person you went on a date with tonight attractive" etc so people have a better understanding of where they stand by the time they part ways.

Anyways a hilarious part of the movie had nothing to do with the movie but rather someone next to us watching the movie. One of the characters mentioned something about marriage and a guy tells his girlfriend, "See, now back off". LOL. It was just too funny for words.

I recommend that everyone go see this movie and take notes. It's pretty damn obvious if someone is into you or not and if he's not into you... you don't have to drive by where he hangs out, make up excuses for him, call him every 20 minutes until he picks up, stalk his myspace/facebook pages to see if he has other dates etc.

As for my most out of the blue breakup...that has to be courtsey of Costa T. Broke up on Valentines Day when I was 21 years old because, "You aren't dating material, you're marriage material and I'm just not ready for that type of relationship right now." Well guess what buddy, I wasn't ready for marriage at 21 years old but you were completely right, I'm not just dating material I've always been marriage material and I'm very happy in my life so thanks for not making me waste my time. :) Love you lots for that....by the way it was great to see the look on your face when you found out I was in a seriously relationship a few years later.