Oh how much someone can change in just a matter of a few years.....
************ Original blog posted ages ago****************
As much as I like to think that Im good with words and I have a way of expressing myself it seems like I cant ever get out my true feelings. Sure I can bitch and moan about things that bother me but I struggle a lot when it comes to expressing what I feel and what I want. In fact Ive started this blog like 5 times and constantly go back and delete everything but the title of it.
So why not delete the title of this blog? Youll find out later on I guess. Have you ever met someone that was so perfect for you but you never got a chance to be with them for some reason or another? They managed to slip away because the two of you werent on the same page or one wasnt ready for the commitment that the other was? You would refer to them as the one that got away, right? Well what do you do if the one that got away somehow found a way to slip back into your life? Do you see that as an opportunity and seize it or do you sit back in the shadows and watch it slip away again?
What if the situation isnt as cut and dry as that? What if there is a third party involved? Do you keep your mouth shut and say nothing because someone else is in the picture or do you follow your heart and go after what it really wants? See my situation isnt that cut and dry. There is a third party and there is all this damn distance. I sit here and I think of everything and a part of me wonders if its not a real attraction on both of our parts, more like a tease but then I really think of what I feel and what I know is true and I dont think its a game. I know on my part its not a game. I have feelings for someone that I had feelings before in the past and never perused, and Im sure even if I had mentioned my true feelings that things would still end up like this. 10 years ago neither of us was in any sort of position to make any kind of commitment to one another, besides didnt I flee the country 8 years ago right after I walked across that stage? (Thats another story all in its self that you dont need to know about.)
So now Im stuck in a situation that I dont find fair to anyone involved. This is the point in life when Mr. Anderson pops into my mind with his little expressionm Rule Number One. Life is not fair. I wonder if Mr. Anderson ever found out how truly right that expression was.
So without putting any pressure on anyone, I feel like my entire life can be fixed by one simple kiss. A kiss that will tell me everything. A kiss that will let me know if the feelings are the same on both parts, a kiss that will tell me what to do with my life. You know, the type of kisses that you see in movies where fireworks go off and the girls leg goes up in the air? Ive been waiting all of my life for a kiss like that and I truly think that this one person in my mind can give me a kiss like that.
That kiss is the only thing Im looking forward to.
So what happened after "THAT kiss"? Were lives shattered? Was everything happily ever after? Did the Earth standstill? Did the world still go on?
Without getting into too many details:
Lives chaged, the world went on, friendships were lost, hearts were broken, and people never spoke again.
Sometimes, THAT kiss is better left as a thought instead of brought to reality. Sometimes having such high expectations ends in upset and hurt.