A lot of things have been bothering me lately but one that really tickles my freaking pickle is my father's mechanic. Okay, so most of you already know that I'm a spoiled rotten little twerp right? My parents have always footed the bill for any car repairs, oil changes etc. After I got married they stopped doing that so I found another mechanic (one my husband preferred). My parents will still occasionally send me money (send because they live in Texas and I in Montreal) to cover the cost of some bills; especially if they are high. My sister still brings her car to my dad's mechanic.
So why do we go to this mechanic, who will go unnamed? Because my father is LOYAL to the owner's father, its really convenient to my daddy when he comes here for a visit and best of all, after the repairs are done we don't have to pay him straight away. We can take our car and go home and my dad will send money a while later or he'll just pay when he comes to Canada in the winter. That's probably one of the best reasons for going to this specific garage...no wait...thats the ONLY reason you'd go to this garage.
Growing up I was very tom-boyish. I'd help my dad with repairs on all of our cars, I'd mess around with them and I'd learn the various names of things under the hood and their function and purpose. I learned to pick up on certain sounds and if it indicated a problem and if something went wrong with the car I could probably narrow it down to a couple of reasons why. I know what a starter, alternator, transmission, shaft, bushings, bearings, axles, differentials are and what they are meant to do. (But sadly, no I do not know how to change a tire!). So normally when I take my car to the garage I know what the problem could possibly be.
So lets rewind about 4 years ago. I had a 1999 Dodge Durango for a few years. Suddenly the alignment on the car was off. I took it to the mechanic who gave me his professional opinion "It's an SUV it will never have perfect alignment". Ummm then do you care to explain to me why its been driving perfectly straight for a few years?! I already checked the tire pressure and all of that was fine and dandy. I left shaking my head and just saying "okay whatever. If the mechanic thinks its okay its probably in my head." (Very believable because I ALWAYS think my tires look low...ALWAYS!) A few weeks later the problem feels even worse to me. I take it back and I get the same answer from the mechanic. I ask him to take the car for a spin to see if he can FEEL the problem. He does, he says there is no problem. It's an SUV, a few years old, and won't drive straight.... I say fine and go home. Now my mom is in Montreal visiting because my parents just bought a house (and didn't even see it! I saw it, I called them, we did power of attorney and I bought their house...with their money). So I'm taking my mom shopping for some patio furniture for the house and while I'm on the highway I ask her to see my problem. At 120kph I let go of the steering wheel and instead of going straight the car goes straight....towards the barrier on the right hand side of the road. My mom says that OBVIOUSLY there is a problem with the car. We drive to the mechanic and I insist that he put my car on that thingie to make it go in the air. I tell him that the alignment is off, way off and that I am not imagining, I am not crazy, and its not that its an SUV and won't ever have straight alignment. Lo and behold, his employee goes "Um, you might want to see this," to his boss. My mechanic goes over and says "Uh, you need a new bearing. If you would have hit a pothole your tire could have come right off." Oh jeez, THANKS! Because the first 2 times I brought the car here your explanation was it was an SUV. Thanks. You just saved my life dickface.
Now, we leave the car there to get fixed and my boyfriend at the time (now Hubby) came to pick up my mom and I....because apparently we go to the ONLY mechanic in the entire province of Quebec who doesn't have a courtesy car. Luckily for us, we have a spare car (uh, had a spare car, we sold it last year). George took us home and I got the extra car and I went shopping with my mom. Life was fine. While shopping I was explaining to her that I don't like this garage that much because I feel that he thinks because I am a girl that I know fuck all about cars and he can pull a sheet over my eyes. Let's be honest guys, my parents NEVER look at the bill for the garage. They look to the amount that is circled and pay without ever asking questions...EVER!
So, another problem...the Durango again. It's a reoccurring problem. Every summer my air conditioner would be a steam room and every winter my heater was an instacooler. EVERY year. Whatever "fix" the mechanic would give would be a temporary fix. It was seasonal. In the garage every 6 months to undo what he did the last time to make it the right temperature. I asked if we changed the heating core, the answer was yes. I asked if we changed the thermostat the answer was yes. Do you know that the answer was to my heating/cooling problems as per this mechanic? "Your car is old its time to get a new one." Hmmmm if you have that much money that you can just buy a new car every time your car breaks down/ needs repairs/ gets a few years old why are you driving a shit box?
So, now I'm in college and I've been having some problems with my car. It keeps on over heating. I take it the garage they fix the problem. I drive to the US to run an errand for my husband's car and while I'm waiting at the border (to get back into Canada) the temperature gauge SKY ROCKETS! I'm about to shit bricks. Great, my car is gonna die on the other side of the border. I call George and he tells me to roll down my windows and put my cars HEATER on as hot as it goes. The car has to expel the hot air and quick. The problem was solved for a bit. I crossed the border and went straight to the mechanic and was like "Uh, problem still exists, car almost left me at the US border," they look under the hood, fiddle with something and say problem solved. I leave. Three days later I'm driving to class to take an exam and then going to get my hair done as a reward for a successful semester complete. As I'm driving to school my car starts smoking. Yeah... my car is totally smoking. I'm freaking. I roll down the windows, i turn on the heater, I'm melting. I call the garage and tell them I'm on my way but if I'm not there in 10 minutes it means my car BLEW UP or caught on fire! (Now, I've already checked at home to be sure that all my fluids were filled up for the radiator. I know that an empty rad can literally make your engine explode!...from experience....) I get to the mechanic and now I'm fuming just as much as my car is.
Here is the scene:
J (thats me): *pulls up with smoking engine while on the phone with my dad explaining my near death experience*
M (thats the mechanic): Whats the matter Jenny?
J: *crying from anger* Whats the matter? Do you not see the smoke coming from my car!?!? I thought we FIXED this problem TWICE already....FUCKING TWICE!
M: Well whats the problem?
J: *to my dad* Wait up Dad, *to Mechanic* Do you know what you are? You are like a doctor for cars. I'm the cars mom. I come to your hospital and explain to you my cars symptoms and your JOB is to narrow down what the problem is with a series of tests and FIX THE FUCKING PROBLEM. Can you NOT see the symptoms? My car is here for the 3rd time and its SMOKING from UNDER the HOOD! *to my dad* No I will not lower my voice I'm so fucking pissed off daddy, I nearly died and I'm going to miss my hair appointment now!
M: *not saying anything looking at me like I'm an alien with 3 heads and 72 toes.
D (thats my dad): I'll call you back in 15 minutes.
J: Um okay. So Mechanic, whats the deal. Can you fix this or not because I dont like thinking my car is going to catch fire and I'll be burnt and then need surgeries and skin graphs...
*my phone rings* Hello? Yeah dad...Oh okay...Thanks... *hangs up* So my dad said fix the problem. His friend is coming to pick me up for my hair appointment.
So that's the type of shit we have to put up with. Now my sisters car has been at the garage for a WEEK AND A HALF and they still don't know what the problem is. They had the car since July 1st. I went with my sister to drop off the car. We said something is wrong with the alarm, windshield wipers and automatic door locks. We also explained the the bearing the should have been replaced from her car accident still wasn't fixed. I called on Friday, July 3rd to see if the car was ready. I was told that they hadn't even looked at the car yet...they were waiting for a guy from BMW to come see what the problem is. Okay...so the electrical problem couldn't be fixed while waiting..but why not fix the bearing?
I called yesterday, July 8th, to see if the car was ready. Still nope. I'm told the car has been taken apart to find the problem. I get mad. I call my mom. My mom says tell him to put the car together and that I'm gonna take the car to the garage that services my car now. (I go to a mechanic that only works on European cars since I have a Mercedes and George has a Range Rover). The garage calls me back and wants to talk to my sister. I tell the mechanic that shes at work but as we all know I'm responsible for all car related problems for any car my father owns and that the message from the boss (my momma) is put the fucking car together and I'll pick it up today. He got mad (he is soooooo stupid to lose business from my family). He said he wanted my daddy to call him. I call my dad I tell my dad what mom told me to say to the mechanic. My dad calls him. "If the car isn't fixed by noon tomorrow, the car is going to BMW...."
So now I'm waiting...let's see.... Oh, and my parents swore they'd never go back to this garage...ever. This isn't even a QUARTER of the stories I have with this mechanic. You should hear how he fucked up my husbands Porsche and my daddy's Caddy.... how I almost died because they didn't fix the brakes properly....
It's just that I have to go now because my lunch is over and my boss is working today...I think. He said he'd be back in 45 minutes....2 hours ago!
Oh, and I just LOVE how now the mechanic thinks I'm a bitch...Um dude, after 10 years of fucking with my family, I think you more than deserve some bitchiness okay?