Please forgive me if this post is buzzy and lack my usual wit and off the wall comments.
Raising kids is hard. It's always been hard but I think its getting harder and harder with each passing day. How can I say this when I don't even have kids yet? Because I'm a very observant person and I notice thing. I watch the trends and I like to keep up with the kids in my family (combining mine and George's family we probably have about 50 kids under the age of 18). I know that listening to parenting advice from someone with no kids sounds foolish but you know what...I know what I'm talking about.
My husband is 15 years older than me therefore the people in that particular circle of friends are all older and have teen aged kids. When the parents talk to the children the kids often shoot back with something like "Gosh, you dint even remember what its like to be a teenager. Times have changed". That's when I pipe in with something along the lines of "Well, I've been there pretty recently and what you are asking for is completely out of line". The kids from that circle of friends/family respect me because I am closer in age to them and I kind of walk that thin line of authority and friend. I try to see things from their perspective and from the parent's perspective. I play the Devil's Advocate for both sides.
Well recently I'm finding that this balance can't exist anymore. I can't be a Devil's Advocate for the kids anymore. They want crazy ass unreasonable things. They have no respect for their families, their friends, and most importantly for themselves.
One of my posts from Monday mentioned how one of the boys had a girlfriend who cheated on him...and how he is willing to sweep that under a rug which is something I can not stand. But I'm not supposed to know about this so I can't say anything to the kid right? I'd be betraying A LOT of people by being all "hey I heard your girlfriend is a slut..."
Well we had a pool party at my house for the above mentioned French Separatist holiday. The boy, Dan, asked me if he could invite his girlfriend, Marie, over to my house. Since I know nothing, I couldn't very well say no. I said yes. The girlfriend had her parents drop her off and then that's when I got disgusted.
Shortly after being at my house, Marie strips down to her swim suit in order to go swimming (normal) and that's when I notice a tattoo on her thigh/butt area (not normal). Let me explain why its NOT normal. MARIE IS 15 YEARS OLD. Do you know what that means? It means that Marie's mother or father went with her and signed a paper saying that they allow the tattoo parlor to permanently ink their child. 15. Fucking 15 years old. FIFTEEN! At 15 years old I was too fickle to thin of something that I'd want to be on my body for the rest of my life...I still am. A 15 year old girl with a tattoo is TRASHY. I don't care if I get hate mail about this. It's TRASHY. It's DIRTY & DISGUSTING.
Then I thought about. One one hand these parents have Marie in a private school that they pay good money for, she is getting top marks in all of her classes, and they encourage her to do well in school. Bravo for them. It's great right? But on the other hand they take their kid to get tattooed. Are you not sending different messages to your child? They also allow Dan to spend the night at their house...in the basement....alone with their daughter. There are two completely different messages being sent to this kid. Basically, do well in school and you can be as skanky as you want to be...but you have to get good marks!?
But wait, it goes on! After being in my pool for a while they start to make out. Um, there are 25 people at my house. A good portion of them are younger (11 to 16) not to mention Dan's FAMILY MEMBERS. I told my husband to say something since it would make more sense coming from him. He said kids are kids and if Dan's parents are going to say anything why should he? I said, "Because its your house and I don't approve. I don't care if his parents don't care if they are making out. My house my rules." Hubby says nothing because he doesn't want to be the bad guy.
Instead of telling Dan and Marie and embarrassing them I told Dan's mom that I want her to talk to them to stop making out in my pool, around my pool, in my house or whatever. It is disrespectful to my home, myself, my husband, his cousins, and most importantly, his mother. No mother wants to see her kid making out. I'm sorry but I'm 27 (for 3 more days...) and I don't make out with my husband in front of my mother. I have respect for myself, my parents, and their rules. I told Dan's mom that I thought that both kids were being disrespectful. She told them and they stopped. But that's when I thought of something.
When I was younger and would go to my boyfriend's house for the first few times I was so timid. I barely wanted to hold my boyfriend's hand in front of his parents and meanwhile Marie thinks its perfectly fine to make out with her boyfriend at some one's house that she'd never met. Who does that? Who meets someone at their house and then makes out right there in the pool in front of 23 other people!? WHO?!?!
Apparently kids in today's society. They see NOTHING wrong with that. They think its normal or some way of claiming the boy or girl as their own. It's disgusting and will NOT be tolerated in my home. The same rules I'll have for my children extend to my nieces and nephews and friend's children. This is my home, not some random brothel.
The way kids dress today is unnerving. Okay, not all kids but a lot of kids. Everything is so short and so revealing. It leaves nothing to the imagination (not that people should be imaging what a 15 year old girl looks like underneath her clothes) and to put it bluntly, is cheap looking.
I understand that parents don't really go shopping with their teenagers anymore because the teens don't want to be at the mall with their parents but when you kid comes home with shopping bags do you not check what is in there? Daisy dukes aren't right for anyone, especially young teenagers. Stilettos with metal spikes..NOPE! Those should be reserved for the strippers, not the teenagers. Short ruffly skirts that basically only hide the pounai hairs is NOT right for a child.
Parents when your kids come home you MUST go through their bags and see what they purchased. Do you really want your kid to be walking to the ice cream parlor down the street from your house and everyone thinking your kid is a street walker? Should girls that young dress so provocatively? I don't think so. Kids need to be covered up. I agree they can't walk around in turtle necks and jeans all day but why can't they get normal shorts instead of those daisy dukes? Why can't their skirts come a little lower on their thighs? Why are their tank tops so low cut and tight?
A huge problem in what kids wear is when the parents don't agree. If dad is saying that something shouldn't be in their house because its inappropriate and then mom says well all the kids are wearing it, its normal, let them express themselves...the kids never get the right idea. They think dad is wrong and a tyrant bastard while mom is totally awesome and cool.
You are sending mixed messages to your children. Get with your spouse and speak about what is and isn't allowed in your house and enforce the rules. Or let the kid buy what they want and don't let them wear it outside of their bedroom.
I'll keep this section very short. You should always set an example for your child. I am sorry but you cannot drink, get drunk and then get behind the wheel of the car and preach to your kids about drinking and driving. Lead by example.
My husband likes to drink his Chivas and you know what...I don't mind. He never drinks and drives. I'm always the sober one when we go out because I'm not really a big drinker. I can have fun naturally without getting drunk off of my tree. I told him that once we have children he can't drink to the point where he is drunk. The last thing I want is for my child to turn around and tell me "Mommy, why is daddy always drunk?" Or for my teen aged son to tell me, "Well why can't I have a drink, dad has had 4 and Uncle Tony had 6". I believe in leading by example.
Set an example for your children and practice what you preach. Don't be a hypocrite.
A blogger Constant Complainer commented on my last post Even More Cheating, about how TV shows such as Sex and the City promote this kind of behaviour. In a way I agree and in a way I don't agree. In a post on Complainer's website I mentioned how TV shows, movies, news, video games, music etc CANNOT be used as an excuse for violence or stupidity.
When I was growing up my parents taught me the difference between a TV show and real life. I never got the impression that if I wiggled my nose that something could appear. I never thought that I could spin/roll myself into a blue ball of fury and collect coins and jump on my enemies and be a winner. I never thought that the shows on HBO were real and never wanted to model my life off of them. Growing up I had cable in my room. Probably from the time I was 6 years old. My parents never felt the need to put those parental supervision things on my tv. They knew that I knew what I should and shouldn't be watching. As I got older I would stop with the Nick Jr., Nickeloden, and Nick at Night and went over to Showtime, Cinamax, and HBO. I always knew what I was watching and new it was fiction (although some of the things happen all the time in real life settings (Sex and the City, OZ, Dangerous Women).
I would never go to prison and shank someone because "Beecher did it to Keller", and I wouldn't cheat on my husband because "Big did it with Carrie". So using a tv show, movie or anything along those lines as an excuse is incredibly absurd. These things are dramatized for more and more ratings.
People have to learn how to think for themselves.
The end. Please comment! :)