Friday, June 5, 2009

Pas Gali. :) The bad part of a great vacation!

So I'm back and I'm black, literally. I got the most amazing tan with very little "burnage". If you moisturize that burn you are sure to tan over it as opposed to peeling. Eww.

The Cuba trip was amazing! We all had such a great time! I went with my husband, my sister and her soon to be husband (less than 6 months away!!), my bestfriend and her man. We had such a blast, I ONLY have 9 albums of pictures up on Facebook but I'm waiting on my sister's camera as well. I imagine I'll get about 3 or 4 more albums out of that. Why so many albums? Because Facebook is being a total twat and won't let me upload more than 60 pictures per album even though they now say you can upload up to 200 pictures. BULLSHIT.

Anyway, as I wrote in my last post I had some interesting stories to tell about my vacation so let the story telling begin.

Our arrival and departure times were complete hell but seriously, with the amazing deal we got for the vacation we didn't care. We left Montreal at 9:30pm so we had to be at the airport 3 hours early. We got first class seats so we had priority check in so it went fairly quickly. We went to eat at Casey's in the airport to kill some time (still had two hours before boarding). After our meal we decide to go through security and start walking towards our gate. As we approach the line for security we all groan. Disgusting there are like 1400 people in front of us. Nicole hears her name called and we are like "Shit! She shouldn't have jumped over the line separators" but instead of being called for a bad thing it was a good thing. One of the guys that works at the mall where she works is head of airport security. He passed us in front of all the people waiting and we went straight to the metal detectors and carry on searches. Plus side was we didn't have to wait in line, downside we had to find a way to kill more time. We shop at duty free, pick up some reading material, get some cross word puzzle books and wait and wait. At this point we realize maybe we shouldn't have ALL left our cell phones at home. Having at least one would have killed time. We could have called friends or family, checked facebook, played some games. Nope instead we got stuck having to make conversation with one another which always ends up hilarious!

Boarding starts for our plane and we are sooooo excited! They announce that people needing help boarding, are elderly or have young children to start boarding, then first class, then everyone else in order of their rows. We get on the plane, fasten our seat belts and are just yapping away excited at our first "adult family vacation". My sister and I have never been anywhere together ALONE as adults...alone as in no mommy...and Toronto does NOT count.

Flight is great even though the stewardess was a major cunt. Like major. So much for flying the friendly skies, I think we were on the PMS flight. Nothing friendly about these women.

So we get off the plane in Cuba, go through their customs, collect our luggage, get on the bus that drives us to our hotels (it made 3 stops). We finally pull up to our hotel and the girls decide to get smart. We'll send our husbands to get the luggage while we go check in. Simple right? 40 people got off the bus at Iberostar Varedero, we are 6. Do you want 34 people in front of you? Uh no.

I get to the line and I'm second, Nicole is 3rd, and Alex is 4th. I'm happy. This should take all of ummm what? 5 minutes? WRONG! Do you know who was in front of me? This rude french bitch. Yep I said it. She finished checking herself in and then she starts SCREAMING in the lobby (wait, did I mention its 3AM now!?)"Susane, Francios its your turn!" So these two come and then she starts again "Phillpie, Marie Josie..." after this happened 3 times I couldn't help but get rude. Sorry dude, its 3am and I want to check in and go to my room and get some sleep so I can enjoy the sun. So as we are standing in line getting extremely impatient the men come up with the luggage and start asking what is going on. I tell them to just go sit down on the couch and we'll be checked in soon. Rody asks Nicole something so she yells across the lobby "it's in the white bag!" and the old lady looks at Nicole like why in the fuck are you yelling at 3am. So of course this pisses me off and I look at her and tell her, "Oh so its okay for you to yell but its not okay for us to yell?" I seriously want to punch her, in the nose...hard. (For the record, shes not an old frail lady like 80 years old. She's in her 50's and a complete bitch. She looks like a bitch and you know what....she is a bitch!)

After waiting for like 20 minutes my husband decides he wants to bitch at the receptionist because why is she allowing this to happen? I on the other hand actually feel really bad for the receptionist because she is only one person and there are so many of us to check in and I'm sure she's just as confused as hell anyway. So Nicole starts mouthing off to old french bitch (OFB) in French and they start mouthing off back. George is yelling at the receptionist, I'm yelling at the receptionist, and Mike is speaking in French to Nicole and OFB trying to get them to calm the freak down! So I'm mad and I'm telling the OFB and her entire entourage that its not fair what they are doing. Some guy pipes up and says "well they are old and have been travelling all night, let them pass in front of you."

That statement makes me angry. I'm sorry but I've been traveling just as long as they have and I may not be old but I do have a disease which affects my muscles and I get tired really easy but I'm not using that as a pass to go in front of everyone. So of course I start telling him off, "Sorry but they CHOSE to fly out late at night instead of taking and earlier flight and WE have ALL been traveling the same amount of time. And not everyone in their group is old. They have people in their 30's and 40's with them and they can WAIT!"

Mike, being the only reasonable person in the group, lets the OFB and family pass in front of us and then explains to the receptionist how it wasn't fair of her to let OFB call her family members one by one to check in when there was a line formed for a reason. As we are checking in OFB comes back all angry and starts complaining that her key card does not work and she wants it fixed immediately. I ignore the OFB and start explaining to the receptionist that we want to be in the same building. We are 6 people, 3 couples who booked our vacations together and asked to be together so why are we in 3 different building. She goes to her computer to put us all in the same building and OFB is standing there impatiently tapping her foot. "Excuse me," she yells out, "I said my key doesn't work". I give OFB a look over with my evil glare (seriously, you should all fear this evil glare) and tell her "She's busy in case you can't tell. The line starts there," and I point to behind my sister.

OFB gives me a look that she can only wish rivals my evil glare but it fails miserably. "Is there a problem," I ask. She says "My key doesn't work and I can't get into my room." So I just said, "Okay just wait until we are checked in...just like we had to wait for you!" So now my husband being a nice guy asks the receptionist, "Can you just fix her key so we can stop looking at her face." The receptionist goes, "No she has to wait her turn. I'm almost finished with you guys."

Yippie! Victory for us. Loss for OFB et al.

So now during the entire duration of our trip the OFB and her family is constantly giving us evil looks and trying to piss us the hell off. I swear, I wanted to give them a beat down, daily. They deserve it. We are at the nightly entertainment shows and their stupid group sits down in front of our group. My husband was smoking cigars and with the wind the cigar smoke would blow in their faces. They asked him to stop smoking his cigar. Umm excuse me? This is Cuba where you can smoke ANYWHERE! No he isn't going to stop smoking. If you don't like where the smoke is blowing you can feel free to move anytime you want. They say that the cigar smoke is blowing in their children's faces...well move your children. They have children seating in the very front of the show, go there. No they want their kids close to them. Well go sit in the front with your kids. No they like the feel of the wind blowing on them but not the cigar smoke. Well sorry we were here first. Would we like to change seats? No we like the wind blowing on us as well. Can he stop smoking for just 10 minutes. No. They get up and leave!

Yippe! Victory for us. Lose for OFB et all...again!

Now fast forward to the very very very last day! We had to check out of our hotel at NOON (05/30)but our bus left for the airport at 12AM the next day (05/31). The hotel has a storage room for our luggage and the bell boy can let you in to get something from your luggage and this room has two private showers for you to shower and change. (This way you can spend the entire day using the hotel facilities and swim in the beach and then get fresh for the airport). Rody went in to get something out of his luggage and OFB came in with her husband and turns around and goes to Rody, "Lock the door before you leave" and Rody tells her all sarcastically, "yes boss." Why wouldn't he lock the door? Does he really want his stuff to get stolen?! Seriously OFB get your head out of your ass.

Hours pass by and now the bus is about to be there! OFB and her family go to the luggage room and get their luggage and leave the door not only unlocked but OPEN with OUR stuff still inside. Rody sees this and goes up to OFB and goes "Why did you demand I lock the door with your stuff inside but you just left the door wide open with our stuff still inside" and she goes "It wasn't me." Rody goes" I saw you" and she goes "Whatever" and thats when Rody just lost it on her. Words like "you dirty old fucking cunt bag..." were heard flying. No one from her family tried to defend her or her actions. C'mon that bitch was just low. I like how only HER stuff matters but our stuff...who cares! Makes me so happy that Nicole swam by them in the pool and pissed! :)

So now we all get on the bus and start our trek to the airports (picking up people we dropped off along the way). We get to the first hotel where 4 drunk french boys get on. How do I know they are french? They get on the bus all loud speaking in french about how drunk they are. We tolerate it for a few minutes. We get to the second hotel where more kids get on the bus but those 4 boys got OFF the bus to go into this hotels bar to get drinks! We bus is now WAITING for them to get on the bus and they get on WITH DRINKS being LOUD again. On their way to the back of the bus (where they are all being loud) they run into Rody and a huge argument ensues. They start yelling at Rody to calm down. Rody asks them to be quiet. They get up in Rody's face. George gets up and gets in their faces telling them to shut the fuck up before he shuts them up. Nicole tells the French girls that are trying to defend the French boys to sit down and shut up before she breaks her. Alex and I are looking at everyone like they are on drugs. Mike once again tries to reason with drunks. It doesn't work.

The drunk kids start to insult us in Haitian but we understand and tell them to fuck off. They then try Italian, we still understand and tell them to fuck off. The tour guide operator comes to the back of the bus and asks if everything is okay. We say its okay but its her fault this is happening. She should NOT have let drunk kids on the bus ESPECIALLY carrying more alcohol on the bus. The kids finally quiet down and say to George, "If you wanted us to be quiet all you had to do was ask." and George shoots back with, "You should know better. You are in your 20's, you get on a bus at 1am and see babies sleeping in the front and you think you need to be TOLD to be quiet?" The kid says "But we are on vacation". Um no. Vacation is over. You are on the bus going to the airport.

We get to the airport where the youngins decide to apologize for being complete douchebags. We say everything is fine and we get our luggage and go to check in (where I am wondering if OFB is going to try to check everyone in like she did at the hotel). We go to the express check in because that is just how we roll :) And one of the kids from the bus is giving us a look like he wants to kill us. In fact he says something like, "C'mon tough guy" to George. I tell George to just walk away and ignore the stupid kid. How can you take someone seriously that has a t-shirt on that says T.I. for President!?

We board the plane. We sit in our first class seats. OFB gets on the plane and gives us an evil look. Rody says "Oh look our friends are here" OFB looks at her husband and goes "what did he just say...what did he say". I said, "Why don't you ask him?" she walks off.

We fly home. We get off the plane. We get our luggage. We go through customs. I go home and see my dog. I'm happy. I decide that I'm going to buy an island and name it Pas Gali (pas in french as in "not" and Gali Greek for French.) my island is NOT FRENCH! I also decided that next time I go on vacation I'm going to fly from Montreal to some US airport (not in Vermont or NYC since Frenchies go there) to my final destination. I am just so sick and tired of dealing with these french people. Seriously, Frenchies...if you want to seperate from Canada JUST leave. Just don't go to France...even they can't stand you!


  1. Okay, Jenny - you seriously have me laughing out loud. I think my favorite part of this hysterical story was, "makes me so happy that Nicole swam by them in the pool and pissed!"....hahaha.

    Seriously though, it was good that you put OFB in her place and didn't let people get away with stuff that they shouldn't. I also cannot believe she screamed about locking the door and then left it unlocked with all your stuff in it. The boys in their 20's sound really ignorant and it sucks you had to deal with that.

    I'm glad you got to go away with friends and family though and yay for sitting in first class. You should connect through Philly next time :)

  2. Jenny, OK, I just typed up a response and when I went to submit it, I got an error. So I think it disappeared! Sorry about that.

    Let's see... I said that I loved this post and just like Jules, I was laughing out loud as I read it. Oh, and I love how you're just like me, an "A" personality, and tell people exactly how it is. It's always fun to stir the pot

  3. That is why I hate traveling.


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