Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Oh Piss Off Already

I had promised myself that I wouldn't use my blog as an output for anger. I had said that I would use it for more positive things and just keep a sort of online journal type of thing or whatnot but I can't help it. It's a proven fact that people are more likely to talk about a bad event then a good one so here I am complaining/bitching/ranting or whatever all over again.

My little nephew came over on Saturday afternoon and told us how he and his father joined Weight Watchers on Monday and how they had each lost 5 pounds to date. I was pretty impressed but then again remembered how the wrestlers were in high school. They'd starve themselves to death the entire day, sweat off the water weight and then make their weight at weigh in and then binge right after the wrestling match. CiCi's Pizza was a hit after our wrestling meets. They'd even stay open late for us if we called ahead. Always willing to help out our local school ya know!?

Anyway my nephew went on to explain how the points system worked and he told me how much his favorite foods were worth and how the points were calculated and how he got to his number of allotted points. I was interested. I'd like to lose some weight. I'd like to lose a lot of weight actually.

So I decided I was going to join Weight Watchers with my husband and we'd join our nephew and my brother in law. Hey, don't they say strength in numbers? I know its easier when you have a support team behind you and if two people live in the same house and are on the same "diet" then it had to be good right? We'd help each other out. We'd encourage each other to eat right, to exercise, and we'd help monitor each others points. (Really can someone please remind me that I don't need a large iced vanilla latte every single morning?)

I was supposed to go to my first meeting tonight, to sign up and all that jazz but plans didn't pan out with the rest of the family so we are going to start next week. We are still trying to eat healthy right now not even knowing how many points we'd be allotted.

Sooooo I went on WeightWatchers.ca in order to find out what my "ideal" weight would be and boy was I floored. The ideal weight for me was between 128 and 160. Ummmm isn't that a little, I dunno, broad? I mean, thats 32 pounds difference. I am happily in between that range but the bad thing is that I'm towards the end of that scale. In fact, I'm about to break the woman code and make my weight known to the entire world wide web, well, umm those that are reading this blog. I weigh a whopping 158 pounds. Yes, me. Those of you who remember me from high school, the little twig is now a full fledged branch.

I think one of the things that really irk me the most is I put on my Facebook status that I'm joining WW and I got mixed comments. I got the "it's great, look at me I'm a success" type of responses, I got the "WTF are you talking about you don't need it," and I got the "if you go there others will look at you funny" responses. I think it irks me because no one can tell how much I weigh because I'm one of the few people that dresses for their size.

What do I mean like that? I don't let my fat hang out. I'm not in denial about having gained weight and still try to squeeze myself into jeans that don't fit and do the muffin top thing, I don't still try to wear a small sized shirt and have my arms begging to be free or my boobs (little as they may be) hoping for some room. I have gained weight, I have purchased new clothes, and I dress for my new body.

Does it bother me? HELL YES. I used to be so fucking skinny. I used to get made fun of in junior high and high school for being so skinny. I got called ANA for anorexic (how original), I got called Olive Oil from Popeye because I was so skinny. I was a twig. In fact, I can remember my weight during those times because I was the same weight for 3 years at a time. Grades 7 thru 9 I was 92 pounds. Grades 10 thru 12 I was 112 pounds. After I graduated high school and moved to Montreal I had surgery and I dropped down to 83 pounds then I got put on steroids and I jumped up to 140. After I stopped those I leveled out the playing field and was about 120 pounds and I was sooooooooo happy. Finally a NORMAL HEALTHY weight. I couldn't get called a toothpick anymore....and no one would tell me that I looked like "a chipmunk storing nuts for the winter," (obviously when I gained weight my cheeks filled out). I was at a weight where people couldn't make fun of me.

All of my bones not only had skin on them but also some meat. I was sooooooooooooo happy!! I managed to stay at my healthy weight for many many years. I think about 6 of them (yes thats many years to go between 120 to 125 and back down. I was always right there in that weight).

I then got a new job and got married and I gained weight. I seriously blame a lot of the weight gain on my latte addiction that I never had before I started to work "a real job". So I'm determined to lose the weight I gained. I'm going to try to get myself down to a healthy 130 pounds, even lower if possible but I'm not delusional. I know that its hard and 120 or 125 may not look right on me anymore but I'm aiming for the stars.

So I guess I'll be using this blog to track my progress as well as the comments I get regarding my attendance at WW meetings. I wonder will the people who look larger at me make snide remarks as to why I am there. Will the welcome me with open arms? Will I feel uncomfortable?

But I've come to a conclusion and that is no matter what your weight is you will get comments on it. I've been teased to high hell for being skinny and people sometimes make jabs (literal and figuratively) at my extra weight gain. It's so annoying that no matter what weight you are people are going to pop a comment. To those people, I'd like to pop your fucking face! :) So basically, don't let people get you down. Let their negativity get you down, instead let it motivate you.

5 comments:

  1. I completely understand what you're saying! When I tell people I wanna lose some lb's, they say "WHAT!? From where?" Hello. Clothes hide the body. Thank God for clothes. In jr high and the beginning of high school I was pretty small. When I got my car in 11th grade, I went to eat all the time, as you know.LOL. I gained weight so fast in 2 years. I am 5'3" and went from like 115 to 140. My weight for my height is like near 100 to 140 which is stupid. After high school, I realized I was chubby. I lost 20 lbs. I changed my diet and yes took diet pills which worked. I am the same as you and want to lose weight and I dress for the weight I am now. I don't pretend to be smaller than I am. I am not overweight by any means but wanna be thinner and healthier. I completely understand what you're saying. Lose weight for the right reasons. To me, you look skinny already, but I get it. I have been called names by people and it hurts. There are a lot of physical things I dislike about myself. I remember you being called those names in school. People's words can really affect a person. I rarely forget the mean things people say to me. A guy at my church has lost 35 lbs and he is lean and looks great. He runs, has a trainer and is now starting the south beach diet. I think it's good cuz it a complete lifestyle change, not a diet. I have tried it and it was very hard. I would do it now if they had a vegetarian book. I work out about 3 days a week now, and eat fruits and veggies every day. I had gained back about 10 lbs of the 20 I had lost. Anyway, I get your point and see where you're coming from. I think weight watchers can be good for overwight people AND people who just wanna get in shape, or get lean. There's nothng wrong with that. Good luck. :)

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  2. Sometimes change is inevitable. I understand where you are coming from. Looking at your pic on your blog I think you look great. Everyone's weight has been up and down like a yo-yo. I know one things for sure I could never be a size 2. It's just not me. I have curves that I luv. Do WW for you and here's to being the healthiest person you can be.

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  3. I've been trying to track my weight loss progress too. I was actually always really skinny too. I never even reached 30 pounds until the beginning of 4th grade. But when I quit dancing, I ballooned out. Then I got down to a healthier weight but now I put some weight back on. So I'm trying to get back down so my pants at least fit more comfortably. Right now my 2's are too tight but my 4's are too big. I know size 2 sounds small, but I'm only 5'2" and have a naturally small frame. So I'm trying to get down to about 105-110 pounds (again, it sounds small but it suits my body to look healthy and not too skinny or too big). So Im looking forward to your progess too!

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  4. Jenny, this was a great post. And yes, always use your blog as an outlet for anger! LOL. I've made a career out of it. Hehe. But seriously, it amazes me how some people can just stop drinking pop and they're dropping 10 pounds. While others have to starve themselves and work out like freaks to accomplish the same thing. I've found my best course of action is to watch my calories and work out several times a week. Good luck!

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  5. I completely get where you're coming from about not wanting to use the blog as an outlet for anger! Sometimes I feel like I blog too much about negative things, or I'm whining! I hope I'm not... :(
    Good luck on the diet! I'm right there with ya! 125 would be fabulous, hopefully neither of us have far to go! :)

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