Letter #9: A Letter to Someone I Wish I Could Meet

My Dearest Paul Walker --

I have to get something out in the open. I love you. No, really, its true. I have loved you since as long as I can remember. You won me over on Young & The Restless as Brandon Collins, captured my heart in Pleasantville, and have kept me throughly entertained since then. I have to admit, and I'll only say this because I love you, you picked some flops. What were you thinking when you signed on for Time Line? How about The Lazarus Project. I actually tried watching it 5 times before I was able to stay awake long enough to watch the entire movie. The Life and Death of Bobby Z? I only bought that DVD because you were on the cover. Thank God you are beautiful....

I need you to know something. I'm married. No, it shouldn't scare you off Paul. My husband is aware that there is only one man I will leave him for...you. He KNOWS about my undying love for you. No..its not a sign of a habit I will develop in cheating. You are the only person I would cheat FOR therefore I would never cheat on you.

Please don't listen to my friends when they tell you that they love you more than I do. It's not true. I love you more than you will ever know.

I'm coming to Los Angeles in the next couple of years. I think we should meet up for a coffee. I'd love to get to know Meadow as well. She certainly is a cutie ad I think after so many years she wouldn't mind a step sister. ;)

Let me know if you're free.

Love you!

XOXO

Jenny

Letter #8: My Favorite Internet Friend

Dear Dirty Dog (Internet Friend),

Funny how things can change eh? You and I started as nothing more than mere strangers on the internet. We used to chat on a funny website called Greektown connecting all us Greeks together. Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto, Chicago, Texas, Greece, Australia and God knows where else.

We hit it off in the chat room and on the forum and we moved our chitter chatter to ICQ and eventually MSN. It was great. You and I could talk for hours and hours. We moved to the phone. It was even better. You made me laugh so much.

Somewhere along the line you and I had made a pact that if I hit 27 and you 30 and we were unmarried we'd get married. I think we made that pact before we even met.

Kopro, you are and will forever be my unicorn. You know, that mythical creature that no one can ever catch. Sometimes I wonder if you are real or just a figment of my imagination and then I remember the good times we had when you would come to Montreal or I'd go to Toronto.

I remember you getting me good and drunk and then feeling very bad for me when I was vomiting in the club (and yelling at the singer that I was better than her), you managing to not only hit me in the head with a vaacumm cleaner but also finding a way to get all the dust to fly in my face, going for coffee to have my cup read and you ruining the aura by sticking your thumb in it!

Our good times were amazingly good times. I believe that you are my soul mate Kopro. Seriously. No, not that typical Hollywood bullshit type of soul mate but the "you were brought into my life in order to help make me a better person". I honestly couldn't imagine my life without you in it.

At times you just disappear but when you reappear its like we never missed a step. The conversation flows and we pick up where we left off BUT I need you to know that I am very upset about the disappearing act. It's getting old. You can't keep doing it. I always wonder about you. I worry about you.

Anyway. It is sort of hard to write your letter as we chat on MSN. I'm just asking you Peter, stop disappearing on me. Let me know what is going on in your life and what you are up to. I truly miss you and have to make a special trip with George and D to see you.


Here, a few pictures from way back when.

You & Me at Cafe 521

You, Me, and the other Peter. I don't care what you say Kopro, he was totally jealous of you. He was a friend of mine, you are my soul mate. There is NO competition. 

You obviously said something very funny. It was probably a comment about my ass. Lord knows that you love my ass. Ha ha.

I'm also very happy that you and I crossed the line from internet friends to real life friends to life long friends. 

I love you,

--Jenny

XOXO

Okay, fine... Polexeny...

Letter #7: A Letter to an ExBoyfriend

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,


I guess I should start out this letter by thanking you. I should thank you a whole bunch of a lot for helping make me the person that I am today. For a long time I thought that without you life pretty much sucked. For a long time I missed you and longed for you and totally hated moving away a few days after my high school graduation. For a long time I let you ruin a good thing when I had it. For a long time I just came to resent you and then of course...I put the resentment in my back pocket and just continued to love you.


I never really understood our relationship B. It was a freaking roller coaster, our highs were super high and our lows were extremely low and the time it took to get from up to down was short. Both of us had a temper that didn't take too long to flare up and took forever to calm down. You and I were never destined to be together. You know when you just meet someone and know that they were brought into your life for a good reason? I do not know what God was thinking when he had the two of us meet. Even our meeting was a complete fluke. Our relationship was just never meant to happen but you and I just went against all odds. We didn't listen to our mutual friends when they told us how bad we were together. We both chalked up their opinions to "They are just jealous" "They didn't want us to meet because he wanted to date you...she wanted to date you..." (Let's be honest though, that was totally part of the reason. I know. Years later it was admitted to me by BOTH parties. She wanted you, he wanted me), and other stupidities. You know how sometimes you can't really see what is wrong because you are smack dab in the middle? Well when you are an outsider you have a perfect view. People saw that two people like you and I should not date. We thought they were crazy because we were obviously passionate about one another and about our relationship. 


The downfall to our relationship was your jealous and my indifference towards that jealousy. You had graduated high school 4 years earlier and had a job. We didn't get to spend those school hours together that most people my age did. I mean we didn't get to walk each other to class and hold hands in the hallways, go to lunch together, or drive home together. When school let out for the day you were still at work. When you were off of work my parents were home and we all know how much my parents LOVED you and let me spend time with you. Basically we could only sneak around on the weekends...after I finished work at my parents place...or after school let out on your break from work. 


We did everything we could to spend time together and we had a blast together...when we weren't fighting. But if we are being honest with each other we have to admit that you and I had some hilarious times together too. Like, how about when I fell into a mini hole the first night we met (talk about lasting impressions), you showing up 45 minutes late on our first date that my parents KNEW about (what is that I said about impressions), having to hide out at the lake when we were there after hours...therefore making me come home past my curfew (see why my parents loved you so much?), making out at the stop light and not realizing when the light turned green and everyone honking at us, you coming to my window in the middle of the night just for a kiss... Oh yes. We shared a lot of laughs and giggles. But then again all the times we'd fight because of the after school practices with the wrestling team, the fact that most of my friends were guys (did you forget that our relationship alienated me from two of my best girlfriends?!), and of course the lack of time spent together because of my parents not approving of our relationship.


Looking back on everything I see that out of the two of us I made the most sacrifices. I lost my best friends for a while (after dating you and moving away there wasn't much left to salvage), I fought with my parents (mainly mom) all the time, and I just stopped feeling like I was me. You didn't really give up much. Your friends adored me (and warned me against dating you), your mother loved me (although I'm not sure a 2am meeting is the proper time to meet your boyfriends mom) as did your little brother. I was good to you. A lot better than you were too me. I tried so many times to easy your jealousy. I tried to get you to come to a wrestling match to meet the guys so you could see that we were all just very good friends (truth is they didn't want to meet you either). I tried to get you to understand that while my parents disapproving of you made no sense in OUR world they did it for their reasons...


Life got hard for me B. Really hard. I felt like I had to choose between my family and you. Between my friends and you. It was always something versus you. That should have been sign enough that you weren't for me but it wasn't. 


Graduation was nearing and I had a choice to make. I could take a full scholarship to the University of Miami and be with you since that is where you were going for your music program (and lose my parents since they'd essentially disown me since its not what they wanted for me) or move to Montreal which would mean that I would lose you and keep my family happy in in tact. I didn't tell you I was leaving. I'm sorry about that, really, I'm sorry. I called you up one day after graduation and told you I needed some time. I had a big decision to make and just needed time. What I didn't tell you was that my bags were packed and my ticket was purchased. The next time you heard from me I was in Montreal. I made a choice. My family just meant more to me.


I think because I just left you high and dry that I felt guilty. B, you have no idea how many times I cried myself to sleep missing you. Missing your arms around me, missing your kisses, missing all of you. No matter how insanely stupid our relationship was I really did feel safe when I was with you. You were really mad at me, understandably so, and refused to talk to me for a long time. Funny thing though, everytime you'd decide to call me, email me, ICQ me or whatever it was when I was just getting to know a new guy. It's like you just had a "Jenny is over me" sensor and you'd have to interfere. My guilt for leaving you always kicked in and I'd abandon my thoughts of dating whatever guy I was getting to know. I'd come home from my college classes and talk to you on the phone, I'd stay up late every night and we'd talk. It's like we were long distance dating without ever really saying that is what we were doing. I kept coming back to Texas for visits and our roller coaster relationship continued. You tried to convince me to move back. I refused. We'd fight. We'd make up. I came back to Montreal. You disappeared.  Repeat cycle for about 3 years. 


Why did I feel so guilty? I guess its because while I was trying to move on our friends would tell me that you weren't. That you still read the letters I had written you while I was bored in class so many years ago. That my picture was still framed in your room. That you were still stuck in 1999 while I had moved on. I'm sorry about that but I couldn't really change things. Try putting yourself in my shoes.


I thought about it a lot. I thought about what would happen if I had gone to Florida with you. This would have been my life. Living on campus for the first year, living with you in an apartment after that, probably dropping out of school because I was pregnant. Then we'd accidentally have a second one. 3 years later I'd be alone because our relationship would have completely fizzled. I'm saying that all of that would have happened in three years if not sooner. I would have eventually tired of your jealousy and fights would ensue. We'd wake up one day and be like "Fuck me. What did I do." For that, I'm not sorry. I think my life turned out pretty good and I can only hope that yours turned out like that too.


How odd that a few years ago I was in Texas visiting my parents when you came to their store and I was there? I swear I just stood there staring at you in awe wondering if you recognized the woman I had become because she was so different from the girl that moved away. I almost thought it wasn't you. I kept telling myself, "if he turns around and there is a tattoo on the back of his neck it IS B. I'm not imagining it." There was a tattoo. At the exact same second we both said each other's name. It was great to see you. I was happy to see you actually. I had lost complete touch with you and had no idea what was going on with you. I didn't know if you were still in Texas or had moved... 


Talking to you was great. I was happy to hear that your girlfriend was pregnant. I was happy to hear that you'd gotten a job in the industry you wanted to break into. I was genuinely happy for you. I'm sorry that I couldn't bring myself to go have lunch with you. It's not that I was afraid of what could have happened or getting feelings for you again. Its just that....well...I sort of liked having you in the past and that is where I wanted to keep you. I didn't want to mix you with my present or the future. You were my first love and you taught me a lot about love. You taught me what normal, healthy, happy relationships should be like....the complete opposite of what we had. I'm not saying I was never happy with you because I was happy with you. Really. I was. I just know NOW that I could have been happier, we could have been healthier together, we could have been normal. We weren't and that was a stepping stone for me.


B, I just want to let you know that a little part of my heart will always belong to you. A woman never forgets her first love. Never. 


XOXO


-Jenny


P.S. What my mom said was, "Don't think I don't know who that is" when we said each others names. She remembered you. She wasn't happy but she didn't ask what we talked about when we walked off together. 

Blog Challenge Update

So if you've noticed I didn't post letters number 6 (to a stranger), 7 (to an exboyfriend) and 8 (favorite internet friend). It's not that I don't want to write them letters. I just really don't have time. I seriously don't get how mommy blog people have time to mommy blog. Woah. Maybe they blog while they ship their kid off to their friends, parents, or maybe even a nanny. Yep. I'm gonna go with nanny.

I have decided that in order to keep my sanity I will NOT be doing the challenges on the weekends. I just don't have time on the weekends. I normally write my posts during D's nap time. If she isn't napping, I'm not writing. Our weekends here are fairly full...and I'm OUT during D's nap time. I have a standing hair appointment every Saturday until my dresser or I shall die....and I will NOT miss those to write a blog post.

So I'll be skipping those letters OR writing them on Monday if I like the topic. :) I know I'm kind of cheating on 30 days of letters...but I promise you'll get a good 25. :)

Letter #5: A Letter to My Dreams

Today’s letter is being posted late in the day. I know. I’m so sorry. If you don’t have any kids you will quickly learn they take a lot more of your time than you thought they would. Seriously. D is crawling and moving quicker than I thought she would and is 100% hands on!

Moving On, the letter…

Dear Dreams,

Oh my. It’s been a long time since I’ve even thought of you. I never thought that you guys would be on the backburner. Growing up I was sure that you were the front and center. Everything was about YOU! But then something happened. Something changed. It was me. I thought I was changing and leaving you behind but then the funniest thing happened…YOU also changed.

Little did I know that the both of us would change together.  Like the Greeks say, “san kolo kai vraki” (like underwear and an ass). One of us would change and the other would accommodate the change. It wasn’t so much a change as it was a shift. Hey, at least we have the best partnership.

I know that I haven’t really paid much attention to you lately but you need to understand that in order for everything between you and me to work out I need a bit of time. I have other things right now that sort of take priority but once everything goes back to normal (or as normal as it can get) then you and I will be right back on track.

Seriously, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you. I’m always thinking of you and making little modifications. Life will be good Dreams, that is one promise I intend to keep. You and I will go very far in life. You and I will be extremely successful. You and I….together this is nothing that the two of us can’t accomplish…and hey, we already got the ball rolling didn’t we?

XOXO –

Jenny

Letter #4: A Letter to my sister

When I saw who this letter was meant to be written to I thought, oh easy breezy! Guess what. It totally isn't that easy. There is so much to say and not sure of how much I would like for the entire web to read (see how I am assuming my blog is read by a bajillion people!?)

Anyway....here goes nothing!

Dearest Sister,


Oh where to start a letter to someone that I have shared the past 29.678 years with? If anyone on this earth knows me...its you. Sometimes you know me way too well. It's kind of scary. It's like we share the same brain or something.


I just wanted to let you know that I am proud of how you turned out regardless of the road you that got you to where you are. Unlike me, you weren't really afraid to break the rules. You followed the beat of your own drum and did what you needed to go. Sometimes I wish your brain was as big as your heart (and I'm sure you sometimes wish my mouth wasn't as big as my ass...but hey we play the hand we are dealt right?!).


You would give anyone the shirt off your back and while its a great thing, I don't necessarily think its the smartest thing. You are willing to give anyone a chance and you have no problem with forgiveness. That makes you a big person with a great big heart. (And hey, this is the only time I'll admit this...a better person than I am)


Even though you and I have had our ups and downs we always end up in the same place. Together. I couldn't imagine a life where I didn't speak to you daily or see you at least weekly. Growing up I never thought that you and I would be this close to one another. I mean seriously there were some stages in our lives where we were all "get the fuck away from me" and now its like "If you fucking look at her funny I'll break every bone in your sorry ass body". We've seen some of our friends relationships with their siblings fail and that is one place I'd never want to be with you. I love you with all my heart and soul. Life without my sister would be pretty fucking bland.


Anyway, I will end this now because I am TRYING to watch a movie while Demi sleeps AND I am already one day behind in my letters! Sorry its a day late but hey, its better late then never right?


I love you,


XOXOXO


Jenny




Yesterday's Letter  tomorrow's topic is Letter to My Dreams




Other's Doing a blog challenge:
Heather @ Tomorrow Starts Today
Tash @ Tashsparkles
Dana @ Undercover Super Mom




This letter was posted a day late. Sorry.

Letter #3: A Letter to my Parents

First of all, this is my 100th post. C'mon thats freaking awesome. I probably wrote more in 2011 than I did in 2010. Kinda sad and pathetic right?

Well here is my letter.

Dear Mom and Dad,


Gosh where does one start a letter to their parents? It seems like there is so much that can be said but other times I feel as if we've said every thing there is to say. You both know that I love you both very very much and wouldn't change my parents for anything. 


Remember how I used to tell you guys that when I had kids I totally wouldn't raise them like you guys raised my sister and me? Well...It's sorta true sorta not.


Now that I am older I realize that you guys were strict on us because you saw everything that was happening in our society and you just weren't used to it. Let's be honest, the way YOU were raised in Greece was most certainly not the way kids were raised in Arlington, TX. I though that you were insanely strict and just didn't want us to have fun, fit in, or be normal. (Hey I'll admit I was allowed to do a lot more than my sister was...) But now that I am a mom I see all the crazy shit that you tried to protect us from...only now its worse. Now its 10 times worse. Today's society is completely insane and I'm very happy to have you both as examples on how to raise children and how to protect them.


Looking back on everything I now know that you didn't miss school plays, talent shows, parent-teacher nights because you wanted to...you did it because you had to work to provide for us the life that we had. (A rather good life if I do say so myself).


If I had to say anything I disliked about your parenting (hey we are being honest right) I'd have to say that I wish you would have given us a little more freedom, given us a bit of space to spread our wings. (Funny I say US but I'm only speaking for myself. I'm not sure what Alex is thinking). I know you wanted to protect us from making mistakes but sometimes learning from our own mistakes is much more powerful than hearing anecdotes and examples of other people's mistakes. Learning and experiencing are very powerful tools.


So mommy and daddy...I basically want to end this the same way I started it. With letting you know that I love you both from the bottom of my heart.


By the way mom: Now I totally get it when you'd tell me "Just become a mom Polexeny and then tell me that I'm crazy!" but can you please STOP telling me,"Wait until you become a grandma...then you'll know why I am the way I am".




Love you,


Your favorite daughter,  (ha ha. I'm kidding Alex now fuck off!)


Jenny 




Other people doing writing challenges:


Heather @ Tomorrow Starts Today


Tash @ Tashsparkles

Dana @ Undercover Super Mom