Bad Parenting Day

Have you ever had a day that you thought you were the most horrible parent? Maybe you thought you had the most horrible kid? Things just weren't going right no matter how hard you tried. That has been my past two days with D. She has been a terror and nothing is wrong with her.

Like, no fever, no pain, no new teeth. I just can't figure it out. It is like she woke up on the wrong side of the bed for the past two days. From the moment she woke up and I went to pick her up it was screaming/crying. She screamed during the diaper change and getting dressed, she screamed as her dad carried her down the stairs, she cried while we attempted to feed her breakfast. She cried in the car while going to daycare. She probably cried the entire time she was there too but with my luck she was a great child at daycare saving her energy only to make my life hell.

Today I came home from work and everything seemed okay. She was playful and laughing and that lasted for about 15 minutes. From then on it was full out crying (unless she was eating a popicle and I ain't gonna lie, I let her have 3 of them just to have some peace and quiet!). Yesterday while driving to my sister's house I asked George to just pull over so that I could jump in the river. Yeah, that bad.

It's not like I can't handle a crying baby. I get that babies cry, I get that toddlers cry, I get the kids in general can and will cry. I just don't understand WHY she has been moody like that. There is no "logical" reason why she should be crying and that is what gets to me. It makes my head hurt, my skin crawl, and it takes every ounce of willpower to not just flip out.

I feel like she is crying because I did something to her. Yesterday when George and I left she was a pleasant little human for the babysitter. She was all smiles and playful. When I got home it was game on. Cry cry cry. Today when George picked her up she was excellent until I got home. Is she being a pest with me because she knows it gets under my skin? Is she a pest with me because she is mad that I don't give in to her everything? EVERYONE in my family will do whatever D wants in order to keep her quiet. Oh she wants Cheetos instead of apples. Okay. Oh she wants to bang on the keyboard on the computer. Okay. Oh she wants to slap your face because its fun? Okay. Oh she wants up...no down...no up...no down..Okay. I can't do that. I can not allow a 17 month old child to run my house. I can't let her start these bad habits can i?

So people, I'm asking you. How do you handle a toddler who is just....out of control?

I don't hate you but I certainly don't respect you.

Wow. I think I've blogged 3 times this week depending on if you think the week starts on Sunday or not. I'm a Monday to Monday type of girl therefore I have blogged 3 times in one week.  Anyway....

So last night I had some girlfriends over (what else is new) and we were just talking and shooting the shit. One of my friends goes to me, "Dude, is your father in law over every single Saturday" to which I replied, "Don't get me started on this please...and if its not on a Saturday its on the Sunday." My friend looked at me as if she was scared. Seriously, how many people actually have their inlaws at their house EVERY SINGLE FREAKING weekend?  A little while later another friend came over and as we were sitting in the backyard enjoying an iced coffee and talking about everything under the sun (ie, people we dont really like) the other girl goes, "Your father in law is here again right?! And he was here last Saturday too.....and....was he over the Saturday before that?" The friend who asked me earlier basically answered for me, "Dude, don't get her started."

This morning I wake up and as I'm feeding the baby, making my coffee, and unloading the dishwasher I tell my husband what transpired. He was like "well what the heck is that supposed to mean. Does he honestly bother you that much Jenny." I told him that while no his father doesn't bother me in the sense that he gets in my way it DOES in fact bother me that every weekend my plans have to be either in the morning or in the evening because his dad will be here in the afternoon. We basically have to plan our day around a trip to Montreal and back... There is no being spontaneous, there is no day long trips to the zoo, the park, a picnic, or a trip to the US.Yesterday my father in law came over to my house and spent about 2 hours in the backyard by himself. Wait what? Why complain that you are alone all week long and when we bring you up to our house you spend time alone anyway!? Makes no freaking sense to me but I have learned that my weekend has to revolve around my father in law because....

My brother in law and his wife are fucking useless. Yes, I did just say that. I said that on the world wide interweb so that everyone can know! When it comes to my father in law, my brother in law doesn't give a flying fuck, my sister in law doesn't give a flying fuck either. I mean why should they? My husband and I are the idiots who have allowed ourselves to be walked all over by his brother and wife. Wait, let me rephrase that. My husband has allowed US to be walked all over. Why? He's a bleeding heart and on one hand I can totally understand it. He feels bad for his dad. It sucks that he is alone all week long because we all work and are busy. But why is my husband the only one who cares? I don't give a damn if my brother in law moved out of his parents house when he was only 23 years old. Does that mean he loves his parents less? I mean, my sister and I both left Texas when we were 18 and I don't think it means we love our parents less than someone else who lived at home until they were 32 or whatever. If you FEEL for your parents and you LOVE your parents you will do whatever you can to make them comfortable in their old age and to SHOW that love.

I've spoken to my husband many times how I don't think its fair that we are the only ones who have our lives interrupted by my father in law. I've spoken to my sister in law many times about I'm beyond frustrated because I have my father in law all the time. We had come up with a plan. Every other weekend. We'd bring the father in law up one weekend and get a break the next weekend because he'd be at my brother in laws house. I think that plan lasted all of 3 weeks. I mean of course, my brother in law was very busy golfing, then looking for ideas of a resto to open, then he found one and of course it needed to be updated, then open, and now operated. My sister in law couldn't be bothered because, well, she has a weekly hair appointment, she wants to go see her friends, she wants to live HER life. Jeez, I wonder what that is like. To live my own life without giving a fuck about other people?

What I don't understand is do they not see how selfish and self centered they are? My mother in law died a few months after hubby and I married. It was hard on him because he was very close to his mother. All of a sudden I inherited a father in law. Every single weekend. My brother in law never offered to bring his dad up, my sister in law never offered to take her father in law out for lunch or something. They never offered us a weekend off. We were newly married and had a thorn in our sides from the get go. Hubby's dad was over every single weekend. We had to go out of town to be able to get a weekend away from the father in law and of course while we were gone his brother and sister in law never offered to step up and bring the dad anywhere.

Then I got pregnant and didn't even get to enjoy being home on bed rest in nothing but a bra and underwear because well, my father in law was over every single weekend. My brother in law and his wife never offered to step up and help out so we can just enjoy the moment.

Then I had my daughter. Do you think I got to enjoy being a new mom? Do you think I got to enjoy my new little family? NO of course not. Why? Because I had my father in law over here every single god damn mother fucking weekend! (Yes that did require so many curse words). There are no intimate little family outings, there is no enjoying just us. I work Monday thru Friday. I come home and play with baby, feed baby, put baby to sleep. The weekend is where I'd like to do things with my husband and daughter but I can't. Why not? Because I have the father in law. I always have the father in law. Of course now he wants to be here more often because he wants to see the baby. He wants to enjoy her, he wants to experience her.

I've spoken to my sister in law about this before. I told her woman to woman that eventually my father in law was going drive a wedge between my husband and I. I am not the type of person to sit by and idly watch my life pass me by. I AM the type of person who will throw the towel in, pack my stuff and my baby's stuff and go back home. To Texas. I will one day leave my husband whom I love dearly because I cannot have my father in law here every weekend. It's not that my father in law gets in my way its just that...well...simply put...I don't NEED someone here every weekend. I want my OWN little family. I don't need an extension on a weekly basis.  My sister in law doesn't accept any of the blame, instead she tells me that it is my husband's fault for allowing his dad over every weekend.

You know what? Because I am a logical person, I do understand how that can be. It is partially hubby's fault. He doesn't put his foot down and he feels bad telling his dad that he is busy. BUT he feels bad because he knows that his brother and his wife will NOT step up and bring the father in law up to Laval for a few hours or take him out to lunch/dinner. Hubby doesn't want to KNOW that his dad is alone and lonely and bitching and moaning (because if we are being honest if hubby doesn't bring him up he bitches and moans and complains and says no one cares for him).

I've asked my husband many times to talk to his side of the family about helping out with his dad. He always tells me "Jen just let it get to the point I want it to...I will handle it" Sorry honey but your method of handling it only gets me more frustrated, more angry, and to the point that I want to wrangle up every member of your family and give them a bitch slap with my beautiful Prada boots. When my sister in law comes back from her month long vacation to the condo that my father in law paid for and wasn't invited to go to..... I told my husband I want a family meeting and I will do the talking. I told my husband not to pull the typical "Greek manly" thing and tell the wife not to talk because I will talk. I will speak and I will be heard. He asked me, "Jen you can talk all you want but please be respectful". I told him I plan on being respectful but to the point.  My speech will basically end with, "How come people who come over randomly are able to notice that the father in law is here every single weekend but you don't? Oh that is right, you are selfish and see it but don't give a damn."

I'm not joking when I say this but my in-laws lack of caring and helping will ultimately be the only reason my marriage will fail. I did not get married and sign up for inheriting a live in father in-law. I don't care if its weekends only, its the ONLY time I have to enjoy my family and I don't get to enjoy them because I have HIM all the time.

While I don't hate my brother in law and his wife I have absolutely no respect for them.

I'm going to Blogher 2012

I want to kick myself in the ass. Seriously. Maybe if one of you would like to come up here and kick me in the ass, or to make your life easier, my husband has already volunteered to kick me in the ass. For the past two Bloghers I've been like "Can you STFU already about it" or "What the crap is so special about it" and other things of the sort. This year I actually read a few blogs about Blogher, I've spoken to a lot of people that were attending or had attended in past years and I decided it would be a great opportunity to go.

I am not delusional and think that my trip will be sponsored by anyone other than my darling husband and myself. Yeah, we'll sponsor me all the way. :) Hey, if someone wants to sponsor my blog without asking me to be nicer or whatever than more power to them.

Anyway, yesterday morning I was talking to my husband about Blogher and how it was in San Diego this year and how I'd like to go to one if it ever came back to the East Coast. Later on in the day it was announced that BlogHer12 was going to be in New York City! I was so excited. I spoke to my husband and gave him a run down on the costs of going (I sort of over estimated, I thought tickets just to the conference were like 500-600$ but it turns out its closer to 200-300$), a hotel for 3 or 4 nights, a flight, and of course cab money. I figured out at least 2 roommates for sure and the third is still up in the air.

There are so many interesting bloggers that I can't wait to meet, can't wait to hug, and yes, I'm sure there will be a few I'd like to spit on or accidentally spill a drink on but hey...at least I'm honest right? We can't like EVERYONE!

Are you going to blogher12? Could you care less? Have you gone to a past blog her and did you like it? Hate it?

Conversations with my sister in law

First of all, I want to say sorry for just dropping off the face of the earth. It really does feel like there isn't enough time in each day to do everything that I say I would like to do. I make a list of things I want to blog about and sort of just don't get to it by the time I have some "me" time. After I put D to bed I just want to unwind by reading a book, watching tv, writing or just vegging out. I hate that I put my blog last but sometimes relaxing my brain is the most important thing. :)

That being said I want to let you guys know about this conversation I had with my sister in law that completely blew my mind. Actually, it fucking completely blew my mind. It was THAT mind blowing. Now if you have been following this blog for a while you probably already know that my sister and I do NOT see eye to eye when it comes to parenting and raising children. Seriously its like night and day, hot and cold, sane and insane. I tend to think that I am more on the sane side of things while my sister in law is on the insane side. Why?

Well my sister in law is now in Florida and we had this conversation on Thursday of last week. It kinda came up with, "So are you guys ready for Florida" and her reply was "Yeah most of us are ready." "Oh, who isn't ready yet?" She went on to mention how her sister had booked the tickets out of the wrong airport and that her son's girlfriend would be joining them.

Now I'm really sorry, call me old fashioned, call me stupid, call me whatever in the hell you want to call me but bringing your 16 year old son's 15 or 16 year old girlfriend on vacation with you to another country is just insane. It's really really fucking stupid if you ask me. I mean, taking a girlfriend on a vacation is a huge responsibility, especially taking a girlfriend on vacation in another country. I still find it incredible that the girlfriends parents ALLOWED her to go on vacation with her boyfriend.

Then what floored me was this comment from my sister in law: "Well I'm not really happy about it but my son and his cousins wanted her to come."  Um excuse me are we seriously allowing a 16 year old BOY and his cousins that don't even live in the house to make decisions in your house? Is this for real?

I spent the following hour telling my sister in law that I thought she was insane, that although I like the girlfriend I do not think that it is appropriate for a girlfriend or boyfriend to go on vacation with the family at that age. It's like throwing them a box of condoms and saying "Yeah, uh, I'll pretend to not know what is happening okay?"

I have a feeling that one day issues that we see on Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant will be a lot more than just on TV for people who believe this is "ok" and "normal".

So how many of you have taken or would consider taking your child's boyfriend/girlfriend on vacation.

The Porn Star Secretary

So the other day I check my email from my phone. There was an email that must have been forwarded 10,000 times as I kept reading comments like, "Oh my gosh. How disgusting. I'd be enraged if this happened at my child's school." "Why suspended with pay they should have fired her." And things of that sort. The subject of the email was "Can you believe it"? I get to the bottom of the email and there is a link. Great. I decided not to read it until I could check my email from home because these are usual videos or something.

When I get home I went to the computer and click on the link. It brought me to the following news article about a secretary at a school in Quebec in which a secretary was suspended for two weeks with pay because she used to be an internet porn actress. The school board has two weeks to decide if they should fire her or not and she has worked there with no incidents for the past two years.

I read the article and re-read the article trying to understand where everyone's outrage was coming from. Why is everyone so upset? How could everyone just judge this woman and think that firing her is the solution. Maybe she is a single mother who was struggling to make ends meet and couldn't put food on the table without doing some porn. Sure, maybe you wouldn't do porn if you were in this position, maybe you would get a job flipping burgers at a McDonalds...that isn't the point. The point is that this woman did what she felt she had to do in order to make a living.

I wrote an email back to everyone, yeah I hate those people who Reply All but I felt everyone had to read my reply, my reply was this:

 I don't get the anger. She's an adult working on the side to make money. She ISN'T a teacher and to boot, its on an ADULT site. Therefore the PARENTS aren't doing their job if their children are navigating to those types of websites.  If you can't monitor what your kid does online then the issue is much deeper than a school employee being an adult film actress.

Everyone seemed to have missed the point that this woman was an ADULT. That these videos were on an ADULT website. The children in the school she worked technically shouldn't have access to websites like that. (In Quebec a high school considered grade 7 to 11, therefore roughly 12 to 17 MAX).  This woman broke NO laws.

So later on that evening my sister in law (who originally sent me the email) called me to let me know that she really didn't understand how I couldn't be upset over this. I said it was simple, an adult woman chose to make a decision in star in adult videos. She isn't affecting my life or my child's life in any way and shouldn't lose her job over that. She came back with something that blew me out of the water. "Yeah well I bet you that woman saw a pretty girl in the school and told her, 'Hey if you want to make some money I have an offer for you' and then proceed to offer her a job in a porn." I was floored. Really? So the article says she broke no laws (I'm fairly certain that offering a MINOR a job in a porn is breaking some sort of law) and in the time that she had been working for the school did nothing to raise any flags. I told my sister in law that making assumptions like that make an ass out of her. Let's be honest, if I had to do something like sell my body to put food on my table, I wouldn't want to recruit a child into that industry....I'd try to SHIELD a child from that!

I told her a story of a girl in high school who got pregnant and knew her parents would flip. You know what she did? She claimed she was RAPED ON CAMPUS during a Saturday practice in a locker bank. Yeah, she did that. In the end it came out that she wasn't raped and that she lied, and they pressed charges against her for filing a false report. So yeah, its really possible that NOW after this secretary is exposed someone can make up a lie and be like "Oh she told me to be in a porn with her" but how come no one said anything PRIOR to this? Oh...that is because she DID NOTHING WRONG!!

Another thing I suggested to my sister in law was this: Someone we both know, a father of three, was convicted of drinking and driving. His license was suspended for a period of time, he has a breathalyser in his car, and isn't allowed to cross the border into the United States. Would it be fair one of his kid's friends's parent to say, "Oh sweetie you can't go to THAT friend's house because her father is an alcoholic and offers alcoholic drinks to underage kids....and the only reason that your friend goes to school is so that she can make friends with kids and bring them home to create more alcoholics." Sure sounds stupid when you say it that way right? First of all just because someone drinks and drives doesn't make them an alcoholic, it means someone made a mistake. It could be that they ARE an alcoholic, it could be that they didn't realize how much they drank, it could be that they do it all the time and this is the only time they got caught...it could be many things. Secondly, just because someone is convicted of drinking and driving (or just because someone is an alcoholic) does NOT mean that they offer alcohol to minors.  Doing harm to yourself doesn't mean you want to do harm to others....its a completely different story if they are drinking and driving with their families in their car! Thirdly, the kids go to school in order to get an education, not to find future alcoholics!

I got a reply to my email (another reply all) that stated:

I AGREE WITH JENNY ON THIS ONE…………….SHE IS TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING, JUST LIKE THE REST OF US……SHE’S DOING HER JOB AT THE SCHOOL, AND AS JENNY SAID, IF CANNOT MONITOR YOUR CHILDREN AT THAT AGE, THEN YOUR IN TROUBLE!!!!


I said nothing because I knew there would be other replies..... Here came a good one.....

On the topic of secretary and adult porn.........yes, she as an adult has every right to do what she does.....hey, our proffesions sure don't make that kind of money and no one knows her situation.

The only thing is.......when it comes to porn, drugs, etc.......(adult stuff) it should never be around miners........and no teacher/administrator should work with children when you have a shady job! You will see young moms, as your kids grow older.......and they are aware of things like that.....you will do anything to protect htem and to have them sheltered. Yes, we do our best as parents to always know what our kids are watching/going/doing.........but as they grow older.....they find ways.....to do things out of our reach......and you might think that you will always know what your kids are doing........BUT they will always find a way........Mothers with teenage kids and older.......know that far too much.

Teenagers especially, are very volrunable........some come from broken homes.....difficult times and a pretedor of any kind......can offer help in a negative setting......after all........this secretary feels that adult movies are ok to do........do we all feel like that? Do we all, no matter how tough our financial situtation are....would we do that???? Not that many of us......we would get a tough job.....like stupid that we are.....just to make an honest living........

You can never say......the state of mind of this secretary and the agency she works for........she was put in a high school setting just to be a pretedor for young girls who are weak.......and you might think that I am paranoid......call it that. I have teenagers.......and I hear horor stories........there are some kids that have to do things......in order to get by......because they have parents.......who don't give a shit........So, if they are offfered something that is promising.....

So ladies......that are my thoughts........and if you have a something in your closet.....go girls go! LOLOLOLOLOL



I found it hard to take that last reply seriously. Let's be honest, you can't spell for shit therefore why in the hell would I take what she has to say seriously? To assume that all teenagers that come from broken homes are vulnerable is stupid.  To assume that the secretary was put in a high school to prey on young women is also stupid.

So as it turns out (via on the news therefore I have no link) the secretary decided to QUIT her job at the school and find another job. She NO LONGER did the videos, she had done them many years ago when internet porn was just starting out...she hadn't done one in YEARS AND YEARS! Oh, and although the article states that children in the school were talking about the secretary in the porn videos it doesn't mention how the topic came up.... A PARENT went into the school to take care of some business and HE recognized HER from the videos that HE watched. HE felt uncomfortable with her in his child's school so he told his kid about it and asked his kid to talk about it with his/her friends in order to get the word to spread like wild fire.

So in response to the email above about:

"and a pretedor of any kind......can offer help in a negative setting......after all........this secretary feels that adult movies are ok to do"  

As a parent he choose adult movies are okay to watch. Maybe he is a predator to children and maybe he shouldn't be allowed to have children. I mean, what if he leaves porn movies stored on the family computer hard drive and exposes his children to these awful vile things?

So, what do you think? Would you be up in arms about this? Would you want the secretary fired although she broke no laws?

So here I am. Wednesday night. 9:15pm. Baby is sleeping and I want to blog but I don't have the slightest clue what to blog about. I don't want to write about how the baby is being a brat when it comes to sleeping. I don't want to write about how the fasting is making me slightly insane (dude cut meat out of your diet and all of a sudden your carb intake increases exponentially). I have been wanting to blog for a while but I just don't know what to write about.

Someone give me a suggestion, a prompt, a something...anything.

5 Question Friday

I'm trying something new today. It's called 5 Question Friday and its brought to you by http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/.

1. Have you ever forgotten your child in a store or at school?

Baby D is only 10 months old. I haven't lost my mind completely yet. I haven't forgotten her anywhere so far. I don't plan on forgetting her but you never know. 

2. Where did you go on your very first date? (Like...first first, not first with your spouse or current significant other!)

Well when B and I first met we were on a group get together. It was my friends meeting my best friend's brother's friends. We all went for a walk on the lake. It wasn't a real date so...first REAL date. We went to the Sundance movie theatre in downtown Fort Worth to see a movie.

3. What's your "silly" fear? (We're not talking water and heights.)

I call this one my irrational fear. Seriously, its stupid. I have a fear of driving and drinking something (bottle of water) and while breaking for a red light or stop sign I get rear ended and choke and die. Yeah, I actually think that will happen. No it doesn't stop me from drinking in the car although I never drink while breaking...EVER

4. Confrontation: do you cause it, deal with is as it comes, or run far far away?

I totally deal with it head on. Always. I don't tippy toe around anything. So far it has worked out great for me. I deal with issues as they come up, my friends and family know thats how I deal with it (and then blog about it).

5. Wood floors or carpet?

My house has wood floors plus ceramic tiles. It depends on the room. I hate kitchens with wood floors and carpet, I hate bedrooms with carpet (unless its a kids room)....my sister in laws bathroom has carpet. Eww how can you carpet a bathroom? Living room, family room, dining room, and bedrooms should have wood floors (with area rugs where needed), bathrooms and kitchen should have a ceramic tile. I personally find both of those floor types easier to clean vs carpet. I hate carpet.