Letter #2: A Letter to My Crush

This is day 2 of the Letter A Day Blog Challenge. Yes I wrote a letter to My Best Friend and today I have to write a letter to my crush. This one is really hard. I mean, c'mon I'm married. I guess I can preface this blog with this: Thank God my husband is NOT a jealous man. He sometimes reads my blogs.


Without further adieu...

Dear Crush,

My God, how many years have we known each other? Almost all of our adolescence and adult lives. We went from merely knowing each other, to being friends, to being best friends, to feeling something for one of another, to merely knowing each other again, to being best of friends. Isn't it crazy how life works out?


You remember how a few years ago we played the "What If" game? What if I hadn't moved. What if your girlfriend hadn't gotten pregnant. What if we spent more time together while still in school. What if we had known how similar we actually were...there as so many whatifs in this world and we just can't live our lives wondering what could have been. We'll never know if its a "what should have been". I pretty much think that my life has turned out the way it SHOULD have....you are what COULD have been.


A little piece of my heart will always belong to you. You've been a great friend, a confidant, and rock. I know I can always count on you for a shoulder to cry on, a voice to comfort me, and you always ALWAYS provide me with sound advice.  


Isn't it funny how that works? No matter the feelings we once shared for one another (or still may have...I don't know what you are thinking anymore) we are always there for one another. Helping, listening, comforting, and consoling.  I know that you have been going through a hard time lately and I hope you work things out. I hope that everything goes just the way you want it to...and remember, there is no shame in leaving an unhappy relationship. Don't you dare let yourself suffer because you don't want to be a statistic. You are far too good to give a damn what people think or say. (And I think you've proven that in other aspects of your life).


I just want to let you know that I love you dearly. No seriously, I don't say it nearly often enough but I really do. You are one of my favorite things about going "home" for a visit. I look forward to the time we spend together. I love driving around in your car listening to music that I would normally  punch myself in the face for listening to (Snake Farm...sounds kinda nasty....kinda is), talking about anything and everything, going to the zoo and making ridiculously funny comments about all the animals (and you reminding me not to go camera happy until I see the white tigers....because my battery DID die as soon as I snapped the last picture.), going to eat at "our restaurant" and just talking about anything under the sun.


So my darling crush. I love you and I'll talk to you soon.


XOXO,


Jenny






Yesterday's letter can be found HERE


Other bloggers doing a blogging challenge can be found:

Heather @ Tomorrow Starts Today

Tasha @ TashSparkles

Blog Hop Monday

So I'm all for trying new things. I'm always interested in finding new blogs to read....and yes...boost my follow count.  So today I am trying a blog hop.

It's simple:

1) Follow the people in the first 4 slots {the Fourth Spot will ALWAYS feature a blogger who participated in the blog hop the week before} If you want the hosts to follow you back leave a comment on their MFM post.

2) Grab the button! Post it in your sidebar or in a post with a little something about you so everyone who comes to follow you has a space to say Hey, Following from MFM! 

3) Have Fun. Make New Friends, because it’s cool to be popular 

-This weeks fourth spot is Life With Levi-

Here are the people participating in this blog hop so far....

Letter #1: A Letter to My Best Friend

As I mentioned in my last post I am doing a blog challenge in which I have to write a letter to someone everyday. The list of people I have to write is found on the previous post along with my notes on how easy I think it'll be.

Well....here goes!

Dear Best Friend,


I'm happy that this challenge started off with such an easy person to write. Honestly, this is probably the easiest one on the list.  I just wanted to tell you how proud of you I am.


You have honestly inspired me. You had a dream and went after it and nothing can possibly stop you. In a way, I'm slightly envious of you and what you have accomplished. I know that at times you doubt yourself when it comes to life due to relationships, finances, and living situation but it doesn't remotely compare to the amazing things you HAVE done.


By doing everything that you have done you have inspired me to light a candle under my ass and get going. I have the means to follow my dreams just not the motivation. You motivate me. You give me verbal ass kickings every time we talk about getting my butt in gear.


When I think back to our relationship I can't help but laugh. We've had our ups, our downs, our sideways, and any which way but in the end we always come out on top together. You bothered me for 2 years straight. I barely knew anything about you besides the fact that you sat behind me in class and bugged me. Daily. 


It's been like 15 years we've known each other and I can't picture my life without you. You are such a great person on the inside and outside. I've never met a person who has so much passion, drive, and determination (some might call that stubborn and I guess I can agree from time to time) . No matter what you do you put 110% into it. You always give it your all and that is something to be admired.


I'm going to end this letter by saying two things.


1. I wish we were closer so that we could hang out in person instead of via MSN, text messages, and telephone calls.


2. I love you. A lot.


Love Always.


-J


Others that are particpiating in one of the writing challenges....

• Heather @ Tomorrow Starts Today
• Tasha @ TashSparkles

Writing Challenge times 2.

I've decided to do a writing challenge on my blog as per my friend TashSparkles and she basically got her challenge from another blog located  HERE. Tash is doing two challenges, I'm doing one for the time being. I might join in on the other one another day or I might just start the second challenge after the first ends.

I don't know how well I'll do on this. Do you remember how badly I failed at NoBlPoMo or whatever it was called?

If you feel like participating in this challenge let me know and I'll link your blog to the bottom of my Challenge Posts daily. This way we can spread around the love.


So here is the challenge (and my notes on them) . I sort of want the friends, crushes, etc ones to be anonymous. I'm not going to start off the letter with "My darling dear crush _________" I'll leave out the names....this is merely to protect the innocent.

The 30 Day Letter Challenge

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend -- People probably won't know who this person is. They assume they do but when they read the post they'll be like?!?

Day 2 — Your Crush -- Considering I"m married this will be based on an old crush UNLESS celebrities count. 

Day 3 — Your parents -- Oh jeez. 

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative) -- This one should be fairly easy.

Day 5 — Your dreams -- Ohhhh that can be hard.

Day 6 — A stranger -- This one is probably the easiest.

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush  -- Fuck! Another one!?

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend -- How do I narrow that person down?

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet -- Here is where the celebrities come in!

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to  --Yeah. I totally know who this one is too.

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to -- This one is hard. Very hard.

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain -- I think this kind of...yeah they might be covered in an earlier letter.

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you  -- I know EXACTLY who this one goes out to.

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from -- Some of these seem repetitive to me. I'll have to keep ALL subjects in mind before writing. 

Day 15 — The person you miss the most  - This one is so easy. 

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country -- That is like 95% of the people that I know!

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood -- I can dig it.

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be -- That's hard. 

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad  LMAO. So easy.

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest -- Oh. Yeah. I can write it.

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression -- Ha ha. That would be 85% of the world.

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to -- Uh I'm  not good at forgiving and forgetting.

Day 23 — The last person you kissed  - My husband....that one has to be obvious.

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory -- Wow. I have to think.

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times -- Uh huh. I have this one covered too. 

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to  -- I only pinkie promise with one person...

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day  -- Uh?

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life -- This could possibly be a teacher. 

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to -- Yep. This one is totally covered in a letter above.  

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror -- Darling, you are beautiful! 

Don't forget to let me know if you are participating in this writing challenge so that I can link to your post. The easiest way to leave me your post link is by sending me a DM on twitter (@Tzenaki81) OR by dropping me an email at Tzenaki(AT)gmail(DOT)com

Do you think before you post?

Have you ever really wanted to say something on the internet and then stopped and thought..."Wait, my cousin can read this...." I'm sure we've all been there. We want to say something on Facebook, Twitter, your blog, or wherever, and you just can't because a family member, a friend, or a co-worker may see it.

I hate it. I seriously do. I'm a venter. I do NOT keep things inside and normally my blog is the place I turn to in order to just let it all out. I don't feel like it is wrong but I do feel like it can be seen as wrong. I mean we've all heard the horror stories of people getting fired (or sometimes not hired), family members not talking to each other any longer, or long time friends throwing a friendship away based on something posted on the internet.

I've been there. Well, I was never fired but I did start an anonymous blog about a year and a half ago because I needed to vent and I knew that one of my co-workers stalked my blog, twitter, and facebook in order to email my boss anytime I'd refer to her. My co-worker was obviously extremely intimidated by me and then I just got fed up of hiding behind an anonymous blog. It's not who I am. I got rid of that blog and just said "Fuck it". If someone gets offended by what I say then too damn bad for them. It's not like I write something online and never own up to it. Anything I write online I can, will, and probably have said to their face.

So what brings this up? I had a dream last night and it was very odd. I had a dream that George and I were celebrating some kind of event. It was probably Demi's baptism but I have no idea since that part wasn't in the dream. Anyway, people give envelope gifts (cash!) at these types of events so it was the next morning and George and I were opening the envelopes. I opened an envelope from my God brother Bobby. It was a big fold out card and he had written a lot in the card. He wrote, 1st Congratulations. The next fold had a 2nd and then it had small writing on it. I remember in my dream I brought the card closer to me so I could read it and it said something about "the chaos the internet caused". Then George woke me up. I didn't get to read any more and I was very upset. I got woken up from something interesting that didn't feature Paul Walker.

So when I woke up from bed I tried to think of why would Bobby write something like that in a card. Then I thought about it. I totally bashed his mom on my Facebook last year around my baby shower. I didn't invite my God mother, the lady who baptized me, to my baby shower. I felt (and still feel) like that relationship is dead in the water and we only invite each other to events out of "obligation" and not because we want to. Actually, wait, no, she doesn't invite me, my mom MADE me invite her. My mom made me invite my god parents to my engagement, wedding shower, and wedding. My god mother did NOT invite me to her sons' (both sons) engagements, wedding showers for their brides, baptism for one grandchild, but invited me to both weddings. Like seriously?

Why would you invite me to the wedding but none of the events leading up to it? Why would you NOT invite me but you invite all your other god children? I'll tell you why. Our relationship is very strained. I moved away when I was 4. She didn't see me again until I was 14. I moved back when I was 18. We saw each other in the beginning a lot and then I moved out of my aunt's house and I never saw my god mother again unless it was a special occasion. I got sick of it. I don't want them to come because they feel they HAVE to and I don't want to be invited because they HAVE to invite me. So I made a decision and told my mom that I would NOT be inviting my god mother to my baby shower nor would I be inviting their family to Demi's baptism. The last event that I would attend for them would be Bobby's wedding.

My God mother bought me a gift for Demi. She knew she wasn't invited to the baby shower because my aunt and uncle are some how related to her. What does she do? She goes and buys D an outfit (A Christmas dress for a 3 month old (D was set to be born in April), a snow suit for a 3 month old (again baby was born in April), and some ugly shoes. The whole thing must have cost $12 from the Wal-Mart post Christmas sale ( baby shower was in February). She doesn't bring the gift to me. She takes it to my sister's work and asks my sister to bring it to me. Seriously? How fucking ghetto are you? She writes a card and in that card she writes that she is very sorry that we have lost touch over the years but it's my fault. So wait, are you giving me a gift solely to find a way to turn the situation around and make me at fault?

My mom kept on urging me to call my god mother and thank her very much for the gift. I told her that I would be sending a thank you card to her like I am for everyone else who attended the baby shower. But my thank you card isn't a generic "thank you". I always write "thank you for the _______ I'm sure Demi will enjoy it when _____" or something to that extent.

My thank you to my God mother was a bit harsh. I thanked her for the gift and then continued to tell her that blaming me for her errors was tacky. I told her that after my engagement I sent her a thank you card telling her how thankful I was for the thoughtful gift she got me and how we've lost touch and should get together for dinner or coffee one day. I left my cell number and said to call when she is ready. She never called. I said "Fuck it". In the card I told her she was to blame and that after her son's wedding we could consider it the end of the relationship. I also told her how I was holding back/being nice in my card out of respect for my parents. She did not congratulate me on the birth of my daughter at her son's wedding and she barely acknowledged my being there. It was great. It made ending the relationship even easier.

So then I started thinking this morning. Do I really trash people that badly on the internet that it causes chaos in their lives? Yeah I do...BUT...lets be honest here. I do NOT write anything on my blog that I haven't already said to their face. Sure I called my god mother a bitch on Facebook. I basically wrote the exact same thing in the card I sent her only I worded it more nice. I've posted about how my co-worker can drive me up the wall and back and called her out on her lies BUT I have discussed the issue with my boss and let him know how I feel about her and the situation. I've called the co-worker a liar to my boss and he's confronted her on it. I've called out my cousin for not sharing holidays on my blog and YES I've told her how I think its very selfish of her and how I hated it and would not go to her home until she learns to share (guess what this year she shared).

You always hear people talk tough on twitter and on their blogs. I may talk tough but I do back it up and I'll always say it to your face.

So my advice to you, before blogging, tweeting, or updating your status about your friends, family, and co-workers, be sure that you can own up to it if ever confronted. If you can't then think twice before hitting submit!

Jealousy & Hypocrisy

So here I am blogging again. That makes twice in one week. I am patting myself on the back and I think you should all give me a high five. I don't think I've EVER done that....at least not since Demi was born.

So my last blog post got some people worked up. There wasn't much action in terms of comments on the blogs but the feedback on Twitter was overwhelming. (That is a great thing). Apparently I was not the only Tweeter/Blogger to get annoyed by BMM. One of BMM's friends, mignons, lovers, admirers, asshole lickers was very quick to attack on twitter while NOT saying it to me.

BirthBabiesBitch (BBB) was making passive aggressive comments on Twitter regarding my blog but apparently didn't have the balls to address her comments or concerns directly to me. Now seeing as how I unfollowed her I had her tweets brought to my attention from other people who think she is as dumb as I KNOW she is.

Her snide comments were along the lines of "I love how jealous people trying to slam popular bloggers to get attention to their blog" "Some people are just so jealous of other bloggers success" Once I saw those tweets I replied directly to BBB telling her that I'm NOT jealous. What do I care if someone has 203478023948203942 sponsors? Does this look like a blog that is actively looking for sponsors? Does my writing scream "Please let me pimp out your products and I'll write great things about it?" Uh no. This is a venting blog, a personal blog, MY BLOG. I don't want sponsors, I don't want people paying me to write about their products by either giving me advertising money or free products, I don't want to feel like my blog is a job.

So apparently I was just blogging about BMM in order to get attention to my blog. Seriously? Before the post I wrote earlier in the week my last blog was written in September. Two freaking months ago...three now that we hit December. Do you really think I'm trying to up my follower count? Do you really think that was my purpose? If you do then you really are a stupid cu- Oh wait, I'd call you a cunt but you really don't have the depth of the warmth.....

Then I got called a hypocrite because I wrote on Twitter that my blog hits had gotten really high off of one post. BBB writes (again not to me) something along the lines of "I like how people who slam popular bloggers in one tweet talk about their blog hits in the next. Hypocrite". Really? I'm a hypocrite? Really? Me?! I'm not allowed to be shocked at the number of people who read that blog? I'm not allowed to comment on it? I wonder if BBB has ever heard of cause and effect? But really, me? A hypocrite?

Isn't a hypocrite someone who says they won't do something and then they do it? Like, "Oh my god. I believe every woman should fight till her dying breath for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) and then they schedule a c-section". I'm fairly certain that falls under the category of hypocrite. Now don't get me wrong. I have nothing against c-sections. I'm not an "vist" of any kind (lactavist, VBACvist, Intactivist). I believe everyone should do what is best for their family and their current situation but I HATE when people are like "No....so many c-sections in this country are done for no medical reason what so ever. More women should fight for their right to have a VBAC. They need to find doctors willing to support their decision yadda yadda yadda. And what do they do next? They decide to schedule a c-section because "well my case is a medical case". Um are you sure? You can't try? You preach to everyone about at least TRYING a VBAC yet you schedule a c-section months in advance of your due date! Oh but I forgot. I'm a hypocrite! Whatever.

BBB has also called me an internet thug, or trying to act all hard behind a computer screen. I just have one thing to tell her and all of you. THIS IS ME. I'm exactly the same way in real life. I have a big mouth and if it pops into my head you'll hear about it. I'm not afraid to say what I feel. My blog is named Giftedly-Outspoken for a reason. I'm outspoken. My mother always taught me to speak my mind (although I'm sure she hoped I'd be more tactful). My grade 9 Physical Science teacher wrote in year book that my openness and honesty was refreshing but sometimes I'd look better if I held my tongue. After I read that I opened my mouth, grabbed my tongue and started talking to her. I let go of my tongue and I told her "I guess you're wrong. Holding my tongue isn't a good look for me."

I'm not an internet thug, I'm not a bully, and I'm not acting hard. This is just who I am. If you don't like it I invite you to unfollow the blog, unfollow me on twitter, or click the X in the upper right hand corner of your computer screen.

'Til next time!

Open Letter to CuntfaceBabyMakingMama

Let me preface this blog by warning you all that it's NOT nice. Let me also warn you that I don't give a damn if you think I'm not nice and I don't care if you post comments calling me a bitch. Let's try telling me something I don't already know!!

Dear CuntfaceBabyMakingMama,
Over the past few months I've watched you go from nice, to tolerable, to slightly annoying, to shut the fuck up you stupid bitch. It really didn't take long to get from Point A to Point B. Your annoying factor would escalate by the minute...second even.At first I didn't understand why people thought you were annoying. I thought you were just a lost little soul who was utterly confused about every aspect of pregnancy, breast feeding, and raising a kid. I mean, for fucksake, you posted questions on your blog and twitter practically every 15 minutes. Then upon closer examination I realized what you were doing. You were PURPOSELY asking controversial questions on twitter to drive traffic to your blog. Why would someone do that? Ohhhh I know. You wanted a sponsored pregnancy! You wanted companies to pay you or give you shit to advertise on your blog since you were getting traffic. Hmmmmm...

What I find hilarious is that you claim to be a journalist and that you post these types of questions in order to "get both sides of the story". I have an idea... Why don't you shut the fuck up and do what most normal journalist do. RESEARCH. Woah. What a fucking new concept. I mean crack open books, bust out the computer and research what doctors have said, what experts think. Why take it to Twitter and your blog? You want to know what "real" people think? Oh c'mon. How many people lie on the internet?! I can sit there and say that I'm a 100% Attachment Parenting type of person and I co-sleep, baby wear, breast feed etc.... and give YOU advice about something I know NOTHING of. So no you dumb bitch, you aren't doing it to find out what people think or to get both sides of every story. You are doing it in order to get more traffic to your blog in order to get people to pay you. Basically, you are whoring yourself out. I'm very sure that the Church of Latterday Saints is happy that you are not only whoring out yourself but your kid too.

So, one of your main reasons for breast feeding is because you were "cheap" (Your words not mine) and you weren't "broke enough yet" to cloth diaper (I guess you got broke enough since you do it now?) yet you suddenly have money to buy a skeptic of cloth diapering a starter set? Ironically enough this starter set is the same kind from a company that sponsors you. I'm gonna go out on a not so big limb here and say that you aren't buying shit. It's being given to you like a whole bunch of other things. Do I have an issue with free things? Not at all. I do however have issues with sponsored pregnancies and sponsored "raising of children". Stop and think...Would Lil J actually have all the stuff she has if you weren't a "sponsored" parent. If companies weren't giving you shit for free would your kid have the shit she has? The answer is NO because you are a self proclaimed cheapo. I mean, 20$ on your water bill increase has made you start washing less often etc. So basically Lil J would have a completely different life if it weren't for your "sponsors". I wonder if all your sponsors know what a two faced bitch you are.

You like to come across as completely sweet and innocent and get oh so offended if someone writes something mean about you. You like to play the victim. You aren't the victim you are the anti-victim. You like controversy because it gets you attention. Well here is the last bit of it you'll ever get from me.

By the way, before you call someone a troll I suggest you take a family picture and stare at it and try to figure out who actually LOOKS like a troll.

In case you need a little refresher... TROLL

ETA: I've decided to edit this post a little bit in order to add a few important bits!

1. I have NO issue with mother who generate revenue from their blogs. I don't mind people who do giveaways on their blogs (Hell, I enter them). I don't like when people pretend to be all about the "info" and "interaction" while they are actually trying to get sponsored or make money off their blogs.

2. The Cuntface mentioned above keeps on posting on Twitter about Cry It Out (CIO) or Feberizing her baby. CIO is basically letting your child cry themselves to sleep. They call it "self soothing". This dumb bitch claims to be doing a "softer" Feber method...then later admits that she is trying a technique that she HASN'T read the book on! She is just picking and choosing what she wants to hear. A soft or hard version of Feber still equals CRYING IT OUT. Doesn't matter if your kid cries for 2 minutes or 3 hours, crying it out is crying it out. DUMB BITCH.

3. As you can see from the comments below, I'm not the only person who thinks this about her and I am NOT the first one who has called her out on it. @CrunchyVTMommy also has written a post on her. (Find it by clicking on her Twitter user name! Links you directly to her post!)

4. I still think shes stupid. That opinion will not be changing any time soon.

5. It irks me that people actually sponsor her and let her spew random shit out. How can Bravado let her blog for them? Do I want to take breast feeding advice from someone who doesn't know shit about it? Do I want to take breast feeding advice or follow the journey from someone who started giving their kid "sneaks" of her adult food. Seriously? Bravado wants us to learn something from her!? I use the term "us" loosely because I am not a breastfeeding mom but you get my point right?