Running Out of Time....

Where to start where to start. I seem to have a lot on my mind but can't decide what is the beginning and what is the end. I could always start off this blog as a rant post kind of like my old Myspace blog but nah. I'm not worked up enough.

In fact, I guess that is what this blog is about. I'm just so overwhelmed with everything and I feel like I don't have enough time for anything. I have so much that needs to get accomplished yet I find that I don't have the patience to get it done nor the drive to get it done.

For example, I have some wedding planning courses that I need to get through in order to get my certification. First of all, I can never find time to do the courses because it requires reading books, watching DVDs, answering questions in essay format, finding images online etc. Part of the reason I can't bring myself to do this is because I've worked for an executive caterer planning menus for weddings before, I've been event planning and planning events for corporate companies for a while (obviously without certification) and I just get so bored answering stupid questions like "Jane is in the lobby of a hotel checking in with all her female attendants. As she turns around she sees her fiance' in front of her. She starts crying hysterically about how its bad luck and her entire wedding and married is now cursed. How do you deal with it?" Ummm how about slapping the shit out of Jane and telling her its a freaking superstition and if she thinks that something like that will curse her wedding or marriage that shes a stupid twit. People make it through death in the family, bankruptcy, horrible car accidents and their marriages are fine...but you think him seeing you BEFORE the wedding, not even IN your dress.... then I don't think you need a wedding planner I think you need a therapist.

It just boggles my mind that there are some people out there that wouldn't know how to handle a situation like this unless they read an article, a book, or watch a DVD. Do people no longer have people skills? Can you not think "Hey maybe I'll tell the bride that everything will be okay and try to make her relax a bit. Maybe I'll inform her that in this day and age some couples actually see each other before the wedding to take some professional photos together...or how some couples live together before marriage and they see each other at home before the wedding before going somewhere to get ready?"

Another reason I can't bring myself to do this course work is that I'm just exhausted after work. Sure, I don't have have a physically straining job but I do have a mentally straining job. I'm always thinking super fast and coming up with solutions on the fly. Then I get home and have to think of what to cook for dinner, clean up a little bit, play with the dog and blah blah blah. I don't feel like doing the course work but I know I have to. I paid good money to enroll in the courses, its something that will really help me with my company and I know that its really beneficial.

Another thing I wish I had more time for was exercising. Something as simple as walking the dog after work or after dinner. I used the excuse that we had crap weather since Dallas was a wee little puppy but now our spring is finally rolling around. The snow is melting and you can actually be outside wearing a hoodie or a light jacket and not freeze to death. I should take the little guy out more often to try to get him to use up some of his energy but I just feel so drained by the end of the day. Not only that but my disease, Myasthenia Gravis, really acts up when the weather changes, when my period is about to start, when I'm really stressed out. I hate it but its true. I've always said I wouldn't let my disease control me (and it hasn't since I've been diagnosed at 13 years old) but the thought of walking the dog and him seeing a kid or another dog and just trying to dart away and me being unable to control him on his leash scares the crap out of me! Dallas is just a puppy and hes really friendly but he doesn't understand that he shouldn't jump on people and that his claws, although cut short, can do some serious damage on the skin.

Ideally, walking the dog would serve two functions. First of all, the dog would get out of the house and get some exercise. Secondly, I'd get off my ass and get some exercise squeezed in and work on my own damn body. I need to lose 40 pounds before I end up killing myself.

Then I'd really like to start making wonderful creations in the kitchen again. Before I got married I had so much free time that I could spend hours online looking up interesting things to cook, different things to try, and planning dinner parties to host. Between working, cleaning, making simple dinners, spending time with the dog, and trying to do course work..who has time to come up with interesting creations or experiment in the kitchen? Hell up to 3 months ago I was a bread baking queen. My aunts who have been baking for 50 years freaked out at how good the breads were and asked what machine I used. I told them the truth, I bought a bread making machine and maybe made 10 loaves in it before I found it better to make bread by hand. When I take a baked loaf out of the oven I feel like I've accomplished something. Throwing water, oil, salt, and flour in a machine and walking away for 4 hours isn't exactly baking bread.

I just wish that I had more time to be in the kitchen more often. I used to live in the kitchen and love making everything from scratch. I miss it and wish I could find the motivation to do it more often. Maybe I have a time management problem?!

The biggest thing that I wish I could find more time to do would be to write. I don't just mean writing in my blog, but actually writing my stories/books. For those of you who don't know, I love to read and write. It's actually one of my favorite pass times and biggest passion. From a very young age I was always told that I write well and have a way with words and I've always written short stories, poems, etc. Well about 6 years ago I started to participate in an online forums RPG (Role Playing Game) but its not the type of RPG a lot of you may be thinking of where you make a character who has to move up levels and kill people, hone their magic skills or whatever. It's an RPG where you create a character and basically just live their life and create story lines with other people. I got involved in one in the dead of winter and it occupied my time (because I don't do harsh outdoor winters in Montreal!!) and I realized exactly how much I liked to write. Not only did I enjoy it but others did too. I'd get messages about my writing, having people asking to do story lines with me and it was just great.

Then I started to write fan fictions, you know when you talk already existing characters (most likely from a TV show) and then you write where you think the show should go, or change the ending and carry on from there. My writing would always get a lot of compliments and I enjoyed it. It's probably been about 2 months since my last update and I keep on getting emails asking me to update the story....

Then I decided, from coaxing from an amazing friend, that I should write something with all original characters because I have the talent for it. I started to write about 3 weeks ago and I have only gotten one chapter in and I'm not sure how I feel about that chapter. I want to write more but every time I sit in front of the computer I end up doing other things. I fiddle around on Facebook, I look up exercises and things for training the dog, help George out with work, do my wedding planning courses.... I guess my hobbies just take a backseat to everything.


Okay thats enough of my bitching and moaning about how I'm crappy at managing my personal time but my professional time is completely well managed! You know what I need? A freaking vacation. Not a vacation where I just sit on a beach and relax but a vacation that I can take my laptop on and get some writing done, take a few books and read, learn a new craft. Just something to get the hell out of Montreal and my stupid rut.

Thanks for being bored to death by me!