Monday, January 30, 2012

Cartoons Suck

So a long time ago, maybe not that long ago, my beautiful friend Veronica over at CrunchyVTMommy wrote a blog post about which cartoon characters she hated and why. People got in an uproar not understanding how a mom can hate on tv designed especially for kids. I can't find that post but I did find this one where it talked about how Caillou is a douche.


Guess what? I agree. I totally do. What a whiny little bitch. "But Daddy I want to play hockey with the big kids even though I can't skate, shoot the puck, or have a hockey stick...please daddddddy" "Oh no mommy I broke the ugly cup that grandma made you and I went to the craft store with grandma to make you a new one and these paints are sooooooo ugly...." "Gilbert doesn't want to play with me...." Oh shut the frak up you stupid whiny brat.




Excuse me, he's 4 (according to the theme song) why does he not have any hair? Why hasn't he been to a doctor to see why he has no hair. This is seriously bothering me. You know what else bothers me? At the end of the opening "credits" Caillou jumps out of the car and runs to his grandparents on their porch BEFORE mommy or daddy are even out of the car. Um how did he get out of his car seat? Is it really that easy for him to get out? And HELLO mom and dad were still in the car....no child safety locks? I'd be concerned if my 4 year old made a habit of jumping out of moving cars.

For the record, I never put Caillou on at my house. I saw how my cousin's kids liked him (ie WORSHIPED) him and I hated it. I wouldn't put it on EVER. Then daycare happened. For 15 minutes a day while the educator gets the class room ready for lunch she puts the tv on. It's always Caillou. ALWAYS. She came home after her first week there and was saying CAILLOU. God how I hated my life. I now have set my DVR to record episodes of that stupid show because an average show is 11 minutes which is perfect for post bath relaxing. I put her on my bed while we put on a diaper, massage her little body, get her dressed, and brush her hair. After the show is over she goes to bed.



I started looking at other shows and I realize that they are all about setting kids up for failure. I personally LOVE Mickey Mouse ClubHouse. Seriously. I love the songs they sing and watching D dance to them. But I don't get it. All their Mousektools make no sense. They need to get from one side of a creek to another side so you know what they do? They use hippos to hop on or they use a giant bendy straw as a slide... Does that make sense? Kids are going to think that they'll always have the right thing in their backpack to solve all the worlds problems. They need to get something off a very high shelf (if its there maybe it is because someone didn't want Mickey et al to have it) so they use GIANT BUILDING BLOCKS! Sure, let's teach kids how to stack and climb on blocks. Yes, that is exactly what I want to teach my kids. Hey Walt Disney, give me your address so I can send you the bill for all of D's broken bones from following Mickey's lead. I especially like teaching the kids how to use a giant candy cane to get things out of the sky or again off a top shelf. Maybe Mickey should tell his friends that if Professor Von Drake up something that high up its because the gang shouldn't be messing with it. Maybe Mickey should tell kids that if they use something long to get something off a shelf that they risk knocking other things down and knocking them in the head with it...

I kind of would rather have D watching those old "violent racist" cartoons. You know like Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote. Bad guy tries to catch the good guy and he gets in all kinds of trouble. Speedy Gonzales. Sure we are being "racist" by saying Mexicans run fast and speak with an accent but it was just FUNNY. They weren't trying to TEACH use anything. Just keep us entertained. But nope, those are now considered dangerous, violent, racist, and too racy for our children. Cuz you know, watching Pepe Le Pew would make our children start whoring themselves out.



Cartoons now a days suck. They all TRY to teach our kids something but they are just setting them up for failure. I'm waiting for the day that D sees a large puddle and calls out for Toodles waiting for a magic carpet or giant bendy straw to appear while I drag her ass AROUND the puddle, you know....common sense! And seriously why can't they ever use the wrong tool!? They NEVER pick the wrong tool. Why? Mickey doesn't make mistakes?! Maybe he should have picked the piggy bank over the balloons just ONCE! Speaking of piggy banks, Um Pete... Yeah that guy is straight up a creep. He's like a bookie and a pan handler all at once, always begging for money, beans, corn kernels or something.."No Mickey you can't get on this ferris wheel to rescue Daisy who is floating away unless you pay me 10 coins per level..you need 7 levels so I need 7 coins!" "Dude my friend is floating away...we are missing our window of opportunity to save her with this giant candy cane if I don't get high enough." "70 coins or that bitch gets lost in the treetops"....."Fine, its a good thing that Toodle's packed my piggy bank with exactly 70 coins".

6 comments:

  1. Thanks for the giggles. Even though I don't have children of my own, I do have 2 nieces who watch cartoons. With the 5 year old we've gone through the Phineas & Ferb phase and yes, she, much to our dismay, took after Candace. We're still working on the tattling thing. With the cartoons you and I grew up on though it is surprising we turned out as well as we did, you know with them being "racist," "violent," and promoting "horing" ourselves out. ;) lol

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  2. I totally get where you are coming from, and agree completely. Caillou is banned in my house. My solution was to introduce the cartoons that I grew up with, like The Little's, She-ra and He-man, Rainbow Brite, The Smurfs, Grape Ape, Fraggle Rock, etc. I figure my husband and I turned out okay and we grew up watching the Coyote get squashed with a boulder, so she ought to be fine, right?

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  3. I do have to agree. I really do BUT there are some really freaking good ones out there Bubble Guppies are cute and I know im in the minority but I love Dora. Im kind of a kid though. I love almost all cartoons except for all the ones you mentioned. They can suck it.

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  4. omg i wish i had my glasses on because this gets funnier every time i read it

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  5. Sure, there are usually a lot of things that don't really make sense in cartoons, but I find that in any cartoon you pick. Animation isn't even "normal." Now that I really think about it, animation itself was probably made to "draw" kids into something they would watch, or have films they could market to kids. If it started with Walt Disney which I'm not sure btw, then I'm not really sure his intent was just to have shows he could market to kids. He seems like a happy guy that just wanted to make animae films for kids. Kids are naturally attracted to the heightened color and imagery on the screen. Most experts say tv in itself is not all that great. I just got cable 3 months ago after not having it for 5 years. We used Netflix soley before. We have the Digital + view channels that incorporate a lot of the older cartoons I grew up with, and a favorite of my 4 yr old is now Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony. But she also likes all the others too like Olivia, Caillou. We used to religiously watch Caillou or Tangled everyday on Netflix, and I kind of figure if the kiddo likes it and you're going to let them watch tv anyway, let them watch the ones they like. All of them are "made up" in some way, and my kids really do love Caillou and Rosie. Even if he's whiny and his parents seem perfect -lol- what I really like about the "first to think, slow to speak" cartoons, is my kids don't get that droneish glazed over eye look like they do watching Spongebob, which they also like. One thing I do wish though with Caillou is they'd do a segment with his hair starting to grow and having his Daddy take out the buzzers because he likes his hair buzzed off. Also, I would greatly appreciate Caillou and Rosie to be in real car seats with 5 pt harnesses and get rid of those outdated over the belly shield car seats which are dangerous. But on the same note, I want all cartoons to show proper car seat use. :)

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