Are we a weaker race now?

Well well well. What do we have here. Me...blogging? Hell must have frozen over....or wait, maybe I just found a few minutes to myself? I think its the latter no?

I've had this topic in my head for a while and then I finally decided to just go for it. You know what it is? It's about how freaking sensitive we've become as a "people". Everyone gets their panties in a bunch over the smallest thing. They take something not aimed towards them as an attack towards them, their race, their religion, their sex, their sexuality or whatever. It's like, Get over it already! Not only that...are we weaker as a race? As society?

What do I mean? Well...you must be living under a rock if you haven't seen Jersey Shore. All of a sudden all Italian Americans got all offended that they were being misrepresented. Yes...the entire world must think ALL Italians act like horny walking STDs.... When I watch that show do I assume that every Italian likes to be called a guido or guidette? Do I assume they all travel with a carry on full of BRONZER? Do I assume they all like to drink up a storm and will fuck anything that has two legs and a warm hole? Um no. What do I think? I think it makes for some seriously entertaining television. I think that these kids are making asses of THEMSELVES and portraying themselves in a way that I'm sure in 5 years they'll be embarrassed by. If ANYONE watches that show and decides to lump all Italians into one big group...well...how do you put it nicely? They are FUCKING DUMB....Yeah that just about covers it! (Oh and maybe someone should let them know that the majority of the cast are NOT Italian...)


Moving on...


Another hot topic is peanut free schools. Do I get it? Yeah, I can totally get it but at the same time I don't. I realize some people are deathly allergic to nuts but how exactly is it the fault of everyone else?! *Collective gasp* Yeah I said it. I'm sorry when I was in school people were allergic to nuts and they never made our schools peanut free. In fact if you forgot your lunch or lunch money at home the school provided you with....a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and milk! Yes the SCHOOL GAVE OUT PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES! Well what if you are allergic? Um, you speak up and say "I'm allergic can I have a grilled cheese instead!?" Yeah its that simple. Please don't tell me that young kids won't know better. A family friend came over to visit us when Demi was first born. They brought their 3 year old. I said hi to her and she said this, "Hi I'm Eva and I'm allergic to nuts.." THREE YEARS OLD! Right away I knew what NOT to offer her. Did I still leave the nuts out for the adults. I sure as hell did. They, as parents, are responsible for their child. They shouldn't allow their kid to eat nuts...not stop everyone else from having nuts.

If we think about it a lot of people are now being diagnosed with Celiac disease, the inability to breakdown/digest gluten. Do they insist that the school become gluten free? What about those who are allergic to penicillin... do we insist none come into the school?

I think every parent should properly pack their child's lunch. I think the parents should explain to the kids about allergies and the dangers of trading a sandwich or snack with a kid...a kid should know what they are allergic to and just not eat anything with it. Why should the entire school become peanut free?

Was it that allergies weren't that dangerous when I was in grade school? Is it that the school board just didn't give a flying fuck? Maybe our parents didn't care enough about us to insist the school become peanut free? Oh wait, maybe we were just a bit tougher back then and we weren't babied to death. We were supposed to know what could harm us and not harm us...


Okay maybe this one will make you hate me...Why do we coddle our children sooooooo much? What do I mean? The smallest thing happens to our kids and then we think "they need professional help" "they need to speak to someone"... I totally get it if something tragic happens, a parent dies, they are sexually assaulted or whatnot. But NOT EVERYTHING WARRANTS FACE TIME WITH A SHRINK!!

There are two teenagers that I know that have had some medical issues. Nothing that can kill them, not cancer, just medical problems. Guess what? Their doctors recommended they talk to a child therapist in order to discuss how they are feeling because apparently being sick can make you sick in the head. Yeah. I said it. I'm a bitch.

When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with an immune disease that affects my muscles and my use of said muscles. Which muscles? Every single freaking muscle. This is something that would affect my every day life. I had to make changes. I had to take medication...wait, let me rephrase that...I HAVE to make changes, I HAVE to take medication. Do you know how we dealt with that? I went home from the doctor with my dad. I EXPLAINED TO MY PARENTS what the doctor said best I could (old fashioned Greek parents that totally aren't getting what immuno-suppressants and nerons etc are) in some kind of horrible translation, I explained what the medication would do, and we made the changes that we needed to. If I was having a bad day (pitying myself) I'd talk to my mom or sister about it. I'd bitch. I'd complain. I'd read. I'd listen to music. I coped. Nowadays, this type of thing could harm a child. It can make them hate themselves. They need PROFESSIONAL freaking help.

Were we expected to be tougher back then? Did our parents not care about us? Did the doctors not care about us? Was my (and other children patients) mental health not a concern to the doctors? Do we know more today about how certain things can affect a child's mental health then we did back when I was 13? Or is it that we are just softer as a whole. We coddle our children more don't let them develop a thick skin. We don't let them deal with issues. We try to protect them so much that by the time they get out in the real world they are going to be completely and totally fucked up. They aren't going to know what hit them.


I dunno, maybe I'm a bitch but I think that we just coddle EVERYONE, adults and children alike, way too much and its making for a softer, weaker, overly sensitive population. :(

Relationship Rules...oh wait, I mean common sense!

You know the types of things that people post on Twitter and Facebook are extremely alarming. Seriously, people feel so comfortable in the cyberworld that they forget that people in the real world really know them. I don't get why people post half the crap they do...but they do and of course that leaves people like me something to blog about so I don't mind so much.

From my past few years of social networking and my recent year of twittering I've picked up a few relationship rules that I figured I'd share with you. Hell, I might be saving your relationship as we speak. You can totally thank me later. I also accept tips via my paypal :)

1. If you don't want people questioning why you are in a certain relationship stop writing crazy shit as your status or latest blog post. If you tell everyone that your husband hits you...people will call him abusive. If you tell people that he constantly ridicules you, they will still call him abusive as well as scum and other choice words. Don't expect because the next day he bought you flowers for everyone to be "Oh that's so freaking sweet!" It's called sucking up because he wants your dumb ass to stick around so that he can continue to beat on you. He's an insecure man and you are insecure therefore an easy target for him. Don't find excuses for him, "Oh he was drunk. Oh he had a hard day at work. Oh his mom had really gotten under his skin that morning". I don't give one fucking shit how bad his day was, how much he drank, or who pissed him off....it doesn't give ANYONE the right to take their shit out on their spouse. STOP complaining about how shitty he is and continue to stay with him and then make excuses. Get the fuck off of that train and soon. I seriously have a feeling in my stomach that one of my twitter friends will end up dead at her husbands hands within the next few years. Yes, its that bad.

2. CHILDREN DO NOT SAVE MARRIAGES. If you and your spouse are thinking of ending your relationship having a baby will NOT help. It might at first, for a few weeks, or months, or even a year but then all those feelings you felt will come up again and you'll still end up divorced....only now you are dragging innocent little kids into it. Eventually you will end up hating your spouse and likely resenting the kid too. Kids shouldn't be used as pawns in a marriage. Have kids when you are happy in your HEALTHY relationship and when BOTH of you want them. I have a friend from HS who was miserable in his marriage. He stayed with his wife for the sake of their first kid. The more they talked about divorce the more angry she got. She got herself knocked up again and now he's staying for the sake of the kids. He's miserable, she's miserable and the kids feel that tension. (Seriously folks, if you are thinking of divorcing your spouse how about you keep your private parts to yourself to this type of shit doesn't happen?)

3. ENTRAPMENT. What do I mean? Say you are that couple that has a super rocky relationship. You are together for a week, broken up for a week, together for 3 months, broken up for 1 month... yeah... those types of couples should seriously invest in birth control. Let's be honest, usually when people have those rocky relationships its because one person wants more than the other. Someone wants to get married and the other doesn't...one wants kids and the other doesn't. People that are on the same page rarely have roller coaster relationships. If you are in a relationship like this USE BIRTH CONTROL. If your girlfriend wants to get married and have kids and you don't....do NOT rely on her for birth control. Use a fucking condom. That is the type of girl who will "accidentally" get pregnant. Why? Because she thinks that by her being pregnant she'll get it all. The ring, the baby, the house, and the perfect life. It's RARELY like that. Okay, so say he does give you a ring. He proposes and agrees to marry you...is that what you really want? You want a guy to marry you ONLY because he wants to do right by his child? He doesn't want to marry YOU for YOU...he's doing it because he feels PRESSURED by either his family or society to "do right by you"? I don't know about you but I have way too much self esteem and self respect to trap a man into marrying me. If you don't want me for me I'm not going to scheme to come up with plans to get you to marry me. I'm moving on honey. I mean, isn't that really shitty? You basically ruined someone else's life by tricking them and forcing them to be a husband and a father when they didn't want that at all for themselves? Oh, word to the wise, for those of you who have done this or plan on doing this DO NOT TELL ANYONE. Why? Because one day the cat will find its way out of the bag and you are going to drag other people through your shit and I'm sure they don't want to be there. Huh? Say you do this and you tell your best friend... or a good friend...or a friend in general. You guys have a huge fight. You both explode and say things that you either really mean or don't mean so much. Now trapped husband is listening and the friend screams something like, "oh yeah, at least I didn't trick "enternamehere" into marrying me bitch!" Yeah, you are pretty much screwed. Especially if boyfriend and you had trust issues prior to that. Do yourself a favor and don't tell anyone...not in real life, not on twitter, not on facebook. Take that shit to the grave.


Yeah so those are my few short tips. It's sad to think that its 2010 and some people still don't get it. It's not rocket science people, its freaking common sense! I'm sure I'll see more things and update this list in another blog post at a later date...until then....keep posting random shit for me to see! :)

More Yummy in my Tummy

I don't know if many of you know this but I love food. Like seriously, food makes my world go round (and some times my stomach goes round too!).

I'm always looking for new and interesting recipes to try. A couple of weeks ago I went to a wedding and I didn't want to eat the food because I had been to another wedding there a few years back and the salad left a bad taste in my mouth. I hated it. It was arugula, sliced strawberries, pecans with a raspberry sauce. It didn't go well. So last night my husband made veal in the oven with potatoes and I said I'd make a side dish. I had fresh strawberries and I was dying to use them so I thought I'd try my hand at the wedding salad. I was sure I could do it better. Guess what...It was AWESOME.


Baby Spinach and Strawberry Salad

4 cups baby spinach washed and hand torn
2 cups of hulled and sliced strawberries

1/2 cup of lighted toasted pinenuts (or you can used sliced almonds lightly toasted)

Throw it all in a bowl :) Now comes the amazing dressing.

In a jar with a lid (or in a magic bullet) mix the following:

1 cup oil (your choice between olive oil or vegetable oil. I used olive)

1/2 cup of balsamic vinegar

1 tablespoon granulated sugar PLUS 1 teaspoon granulated sugar

1 teaspoon ground onion

1 teaspoon ground garlic

a dash of dry mustard

Cover the salad with it and toss to coat. Tastes DELISH! :) If you don't like the look of the dressing from the balsamic vinegar you can always use white balsamic vinegar which is a bit sweeter but also more expensive. This is an excellent summer salad.

Another good recipe and slightly more fattening....

Pork Tenderloin Strips

Take a pork fillet (pork tenderloin) and cut it into strips. About 4 inches long each and not too thick. You need:

1/2 cup flour

2 eggs lightly beaten

1 bag of potato chips beaten up (throw the bag in a food processor and spin it around for a couple of seconds)

Put each of the above ingredients in its own shallow bowl.

Take your strips and toss them in the flour, coat them with the egg, and then roll them in the potato chip crumbs. Put on a baking sheet.

Put in a preheated oven of 400 degrees and bake for 7 minutes, remove, turn over the strips and bake for another 7 minutes. If you want them extra golden finish them off under the broiler for a couple of minutes.

Serve with any type of dippin sauce. It's excellent with tzatzaki, honey mustard, barbeque or sweet and sour.

My Birth Story

Well 21 days ago I gave birth to my beautiful little girl. I was BEYOND ready to give birth to her. My OBGYN had informed me that we'd take Demi out a little early due to her being concerned that she was small. I was expecting to deliver my little girl around the end of March, she was due on April 4th. Well after my last ultra sound we saw that Demi was NOT small but "average size" so we'd wait for me to deliver naturally but not allow me to go more than a few days past my due date.

Well I went more than a "few days" past my due date. After a week post due date my OB asked for me to be induced. However there was a long line up of women to be induced PLUS women just going into labor on their own. There was a list of 17 people waiting for an induction. I was getting so annoyed waiting to go into labor. I was freaking out. I wanted to NOT be pregnant anymore. I was so uncomfortable plus anxious. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't breathe. I was just kind of on the miserable side the 11 days. Everyday I would wake up and call the birthing center to see how far they were along on that list of 17 people. Each day I got told that the list was longer and they would call me when it was time. I didn't want to annoy the hospital by calling many times in a day because, lets be honest, you don't want to piss off the staff that is going to help you deliver. When they call they'll call right?

My sister in law came back from her Florida vacation and went to the birthing center to speak to the nurses (she works at the hospital I gave birth at). They told her that I was the next person on the list and of course my sister in law made me seem extremely miserable when speaking to the head nurse. As soon as my sister in law left the hospital they called me and told me to come into the hospital within the next hour and a half so we can start my induction. I was ecstatic as I had insisted that my husband take me to the mall so I could try walking to trigger labor. I got the call while in the mall! I was sooo excited. So I rush home to get my bags and something to eat. I was told by many people to eat before hand since they wouldn't let me eat at the hospital. As George is getting my bag into the trunk of the car I hear my phone ringing. I answer it and its the hospital. They tell me not to come in. Someone who was in the case room was actually in active labor and now they had no room. Seriously? What would happen if I went into labor naturally right then and there?

I hang up the phone and get all pissed off and sad. I sat on my couch and actually cried from anger and frustration. I started to laugh at one point wondering if this would cause me to go into labor. No such luck. Apparently I had scared everyone I know because no one bothered to call me. They knew how badly I wanted Demi out and of course when I got the call to go to the hospital I called and texted everyone that I was going to deliver my angel. When I found out I couldn't go I made George call everyone. I wasn't in the mood to speak to anyone. I was going to flip out. Eventually my sister in law came over. I wasn't happy about that. Not because it was my sister in law but because I wanted to be alone. She went home after a few hours and I told my husband that I was going to bed.

I went upstairs and took a shower and then got into bed. I was hoping to relax a bit. It didn't work. I couldn't sleep. I was in bed but unable to make my brain turn off. Around 1am I decided to wake up George because I wanted to talk. We talked about everything under the sun. We talked about our exes and how our lives would have been different had we ended up with them (I know weird things to talk about while you are heavily pregnant), we talked about how we planned on raising Demi, we talked about a lot of things. At one point I turned and looked at George and just told him, "Something is wrong," and he asked me what I meant by that. I just looked at him and said, "I don't know but something is really wrong." He told me to just relax and stop stressing. After about an hour I asked him, "What if Demi has swallowed meconium?" Again he told me to just relax and take it easy. He said my nerves were stressing me out and causing me to think the worse of everything. A bit later I told him, "I betcha my labor is going to happen so fast that I miss the window for an epidural" and he laughed at me telling me, "With as demanding as you are there is no way you can miss that window. You have signs ready." Eventually I fell asleep. (We had been awake talking from 1am to 6am). I woke up at 8am and told George that it was 8 and the hospital hadn't called yet. He tells me to call them. (My doctor had told me that come hell or high water I'd be induced on Thursday the 15th).

I call the birthing center and tell them my name (although I'm sure by now that they recognize my telephone number or voice!) and the nurse tells me. "We are going to call you in an hour to come in, they are just cleaning the room for you now". I'm over the moon. George and I had made plans in the middle of the night that we'd wake up, get ready for the day, go for breakfast at Le St-James Hotel and then go to the hospital. So of course now that I've heard this news I jump out of bed and go straight to the bathroom to start to get ready. Of course I have to pee. I pee, I wipe, and I see blood. Red blood. Not the blood of losing your mucus plug. I turn white and begin freaking out. I call out to George and tell him, "Something IS wrong. I'm bleeding." He of course freaks out. Then I realize I don't feel the baby moving and I don't remember when the last time I felt her was. While we were talking in the middle of the night I wasn't paying attention to if she was moving or not.

I tell him to go cut me some oranges so I can jump start the baby. Normally an orange gets her kicking my ass. It didn't work. In the car driving to the hospital, George kept asking me if I felt her moving or not and she wasn't. HELLO if she was moving I would have told you so maybe you can stop driving like a freaking maniac. As I'm in the car I'm using my telephone in order to google what would cause bleeding in late pregnancy. What did I find? Most common cause is a detached placenta. I start crying in the car because I'm bleeding, I can't feel the baby move and I'm thinking that I'm going to deliver a still born baby or something. I am totally freaking out. I go through my mind and tell myself that at 2am I peed and there was no blood, at 5am I peed and there was no blood...so if something serious happened it had only happened between 5am and 8am.

We get to the hospital and go straight to the birthing center. I go to the nurses desk and tell them that they are meant to call me in an hour to come in for induction but I'm bleeding and can't feel my kid moving. They take me straight to a case room and tell me to get into the hospital gown so they can hook me up to fetal monitors. They tell my husband to go down to admitting and have me admitted to the hospital. They have to do this before hooking me up to monitors. George looks at the nurse and says in a stern voice, "Hook my wife up to that machine so I can hear my daughter's heart beat and I'll be more than happy to go admit her." The nurse kind of rolled her eyes but hooked me up. Right away I heard Demi's heart beating strong and I relaxed instantly. I almost cried at this point.

George went downstairs to admit me to the hospital and my sister, cousin, and best friend all showed up at the hospital. As we were just sitting around talking my cousin told me, "Oh my God Jenny you are having contractions" and I said, "I am?!" Apparently the monitor was showing that I was having contractions every 3 to 4 minutes but they weren't very painful. Then they got painful but manageable. Apparently my threshold for pain is a lot higher than I thought it was.

A nurse comes into the room and starts to speak to me in French and I just looked at her as if she was from another planet. Nicole did the translation and informed me that I was now going to a room to give birth instead of sitting in the case room. The case room is where they decide if you are in active labor or not and the birthing room is...well thats pretty much clear cut and dry no?

So I go into a birthing room where I am told to change into yet another hospital gown and take off all my clothes including under garments.(Because apparently you can't have a vaginal delivery if you are wearing panties! Imagine that!). The nurse now puts an IV line in and hooks me up to something that is NOT saline. I ask the nurse what is happening and she says that they are inducing me.(Mind you I'm having a hard time understanding this lady. Her English is horrible and apparently she doesn't speak French very well either!). I ask her why they would be inducing me when I am having contractions steadily. She tells me that I'm not. I insist that she look at the print out from the monitors and she goes "Oh yes you are. Well you are on the schedule for an induction therefore we are inducing you." At this point I just want to give birth so I don't care how it happens although it doesn't make sense. Why cause me more pain when I'm in ACTIVE labor?

Two ladies walk into the room and introduce themselves as my nurses. One is a nurse with over 20 years experience and the other is a nursing student (this is a teaching hospital). I'm immediately relieved that the lady who didn't speak English or French isn't my nurse. I then ask the nurse for the epidural. I obviously don't waste any time. I know that when you are induced you have stronger (aka more painful) contractions so I want to be prepared. The nurse tells me that I have to wait for the resident to come see me to make sure that I'm dilated enough. They won't give an epidural before 4cms and while I was in the case room no one checked me.

About half an hour later the resident comes in and inspects me and tells me that I'm 2cm and about 90% effaced. He also informs me that they are going to break my water. They break the water and the first thing I hear from the student nurse is "Is that meconium in the water" and the resident replies with "Yes. Make sure a pediatrician is here when the baby is delivered." So of course I'm freaking out. Didn't I tell George this would happen? I'm fairly certain I did. George at this point doesn't understand what meconium is or how that is dangerous for a baby to aspirate. I ask the resident, "Excuse me did you say that there was meconium in the water," and he said yes. George asks me what that meant. I tell him in Greek that I'll explain when we are alone. Of course George being George wants to know right then and there. He asks the nurses what that meant and they explain to him. He gets up and leaves the room and goes outside and expresses to his sister in law that he'd like to punch my OBGYN for letting me go so far post due. If I delivered sooner maybe Demi wouldn't have pooped in her water bubble home. He didn't want to show me that he was angry because he knew that I was upset and if I saw him upset or angry it would only upset me more. The nurses explained to George why a pediatrician was going to be here and how they were going to deal with it. If Demi was born and had a hard time breathing they would clean out her lungs. He asked how they planned on doing it and he asked if it was painful to the baby and they told him that it wasn't comfortable. Of course this upsets George further. I tell him to relax that everything would be okay. Seriously I didn't carry this baby for 41.5 weeks for her to be born sick. She would be okay.

The resident leaves and about an hour later I ask the nurse for the epidural again. She tells me that they can't give it to me until I'm at least 4cms along and asks if I read the pros/cons of the epidural. I explain that I'm very much aware of the risks associated with the epidural and with my luck I will be one of the few people whom the epidural does not catch on. They laugh and say that its so rare to happen that the chances are like slim to none. The nurses also tell me that normally you dilate about 1 cm every hour and a half. I still insist on getting the epidural right away. The nurse tells me that in order to get the epidural the resident will have to check me again and they want to limit the number of internal examinations due to them breaking my water and NOT wanting me to get an infection. I demanded to be rechecked. The resident comes and examines me explaining that if I get an epidural now or in early labor is can slow things down and we wouldn't want that now would we? Um yes, I would. I don't care if labor gets slowed down ever since they started me on the Pitocin my contractions are extremely painful. Whereas I could have carried on a normal conversation about an hour ago now I was gritting my teeth and cursing my life. I told George, "No more kids" at one point when a contraction was particularly uncomfortable.

What do you know, I'm 4cms dilated and they call the anesthesiologist who is actually on that floor to come by and give me the epidural. The nurses tell me to get up and go pee because I won't be able to walk for a while after the epidural. I get up and pee and go back to the bed. The anesthesiologist explains to me the procedure of getting an epidural and that I'll be sitting up when they give it to me. They explain how important it is that I do not move. As I am sitting up waiting for the anesthesiologist to get ready I have the urge to vomit. I tell the nurses this and and they explain that its normal to feel from the intense pain I'm experiencing. They give me a barf bucket and I throw up...three times. It wasn't fun. I start to cry because for some reason every single time I throw up I cry. They go hand in hand.

I'm leaning over waiting for the epidural when I get that first pinch. It makes me jump. Oops. They tell me that I can't move like that when they are doing the epidural. I can seriously cause some damage to me. Now the nurse is holding me in place, George is holding my feet and the anesthesiologist is doing her thing behind me. They finish and tell me to lay on my side because I can't lay directly on my back right now. I roll over to my side. They tell me it takes about 20 minutes for the epidural to catch so I will still feel pain but then it will ease into just pressure. Most women are able to rest once the epidural catches so to prepare to drift off to sleep.

As I'm on my side the baby's fetal heart monitor starts to shrill. I am on my side and the baby didn't like that position so she moved causing her heart monitor to no longer be able to catch her heart beat. A new nurse walks in and tells me that shes the replacement nurse while mine are on lunch. She asks me to change sides because Demi might like it more. I am happy to oblige. We start to talk about my rings. She fell inlove with my blue diamond ring that George got me while we were on our honeymoon. Then I felt something...strange?

I tell the nurse, "Stephanie I feel something...different down there." She asks what I mean by different and down there. I tell her I feel an intense pressure but still a lot of pain and by down there I mean, literally down there. It's not in my stomach but literally on my vagina. She tells me, "Thats impossible that you are feeling pain and that intense pressure you are only 4cms dilated." I tell her "No I feel a lot of pressure down there." Again I'm told that I am freaking crazy.

I then let out a scream that would wake the dead and probably did. I look at George and tell him, "I'm going to give birth right now and no one believes me and there isn't even a doctor in the room". Then I bear down with all my strength on the bed rails and I say through gritted teeth to the nurse, "I feel my baby's head coming out." At this point she decided to lift the sheet to examine me herself. Obviously she isn't going to do an internal exam but she'd like to reassure me that it isn't Demi's head trying to make its way out.

The next words out of her mouth scare the crap out of me. "Oh my God, shes crowning". Did I mention that this is a mere 10 minutes after getting the epidural? The epidural which still hasn't caught yet? She rushes to the phone and calls a resident. Over the intercom you hear "Resident needed in room 30 stat!" The resident comes in freaking out. How in the hell did I go from 4 to 10 so quickly? Before I knew it the room was filled with the nurses, the resident, the pediatrician, and a few other people. They quickly converted my bed to where the leg sleeves popped out and they put my legs in them. The doctor told me to push. What already!?!?!

At one point a nurse says that they have to put in a catheter so that I can know when to push. I feel a crazy pain and a sting and I yell out, "what the fuck are you doing to me," (I know I shouldn't have cussed but um, ow!). The resident put his hands up and said, "It's not us its your baby. She's pushing her way out." Two pushes and Demi was there. Yep just 2 pushes. Demi was born exactly 20 minutes after I got the epidural, which NEVER caught. After my second push they put Demi on my belly and I asked them, "That's it? It's over?!" One of the nurses laughed and said yes besides the delivery of the after birth and placenta which might be uncomfortable. I didn't feel that. Everything happened so quickly that I was in a daze. I didn't cry at the birth of my first born. My OB walks in and looks at the resident all angrily and demands to know why I was delivered. She was on her way. The resident told my OB that if they didn't deliver that Demi was going to deliver herself.

My OB decides that she'll finish up (you know the fun sewing part which really, doesn't feel nice when there is no epidural). Apparently my "WTF are you doing to me" episode was when Demi decided to rip me. This kid saw the light and just ran for it. As I'm being repaired the student nurse looks at me and tells me, "I've seen a lot of births while I've been here but I've NEVER seen anything like that before. Your labor progressed so quickly and you delivered without even breaking a sweat."

They handed me Demi after George cut the umbilical cord and they cleaned her up. She was gorgeous. Seriously, I'm not lying and I'm not saying it because she is my kid but she was the cleanest most beautiful baby I've ever seen. George cried. After I was all patched up and had a few minutes with just the three of us I decided I could allow some visitors. There were SO MANY people at the hospital waiting for her birth. Everyone who walked into the room cried when they saw her. I felt like such a douchebag mom since I didn't cry. Everyone said how beautiful she was. I was a proud mom, I still am.

When my sister in law came into the room she tells me that I'm the talk of the floor. Every nurse or doctor who walked by the waiting room was talking about the incredible birth that happened in room 30.

For those who were wondering, no Demi didn't inhale any of her poop. The pediatrician gave her a clean bill of health. The second she was out of me she started to cry, loudly on her own. :)

Today Demi is healthy and still even more beautiful then the day she was born.

When I had originally wanted to write this blog post I wanted to go into more details but having a three week baby at home is a bit time consuming. She takes up a lot of time and I love spending time with her.

And click HERE if you want to see pictures of Demi Hope! :)

Feeling a Little, I Dunno What?!

Would it be wrong to say that I'm feeling like a bad mother already? I guess it just doesn't make sense to anyone but me. I've been feeling miserable these past few days. I'm uncomfortable, I'm moody, and I'm just plain not very nice. Why? Because I'm pastdue/overdue/late to delivery Demi. I hate that I'm still pregnant and then I feel guilty for wanting to evict my child from my body.

I mean, its not like I want her out just for the sake of kicking her out. Everyone I talk to (family members) tell me, "She will come when she is ready". No, listen hear fuckers, she IS ready. I saw on the ultra sound. She has 2 arms, 2 legs, 10 fingers, 10 toes, two working lungs (we watched her take practice breaths!), a cute little stomach, a brain and a fully functioning 4 chamber heart. Um she's done. She could have been born a month ago and all would have been great. I'm currently 10 days past due and my discomfort grows by the minute. She is putting so much pressure on my pelvis that walking is NOT something I can do comfortably anymore. I can't find a comfortable position to sleep and well, at this point I'm just plain paranoid.

My bad mood is affecting my family and friends. I am avoiding their telephone calls and emails because, well, lets be honest. If you were past due wouldn't you hate answering calls about..."So are you still pregnant?" "Aren't you in labour yet?" "Why hasn't your doctor induced you yet?" and a plethora of other questions. Um don't you think if I was in labor or had delivered my baby that you would know? I'm not the type of person to hide that. I'd most likely call one person and then the chain would start and within 10 minutes everyone who has to know would know. STOP ASKING.

I was even polite on Saturday and asked my family members to, "Please stop asking me questions about when I'll deliver. When it happens you'll find out," but apparently my family doesn't know how to take a hint. The best part is when I refuse to answer the phone because I know why they are calling these are the messages that get left on my phone. "Hi Jenny and George, I'm just calling to see how you are doing. I was wondering how you are feeling..well I don't want to keep calling to bother you so..." Um you are bothering me and you are calling me so stop.

I guess I sound ungrateful but you have to understand that at a certain point and time you just get frustrated! I think the best is when someone who has had a kid (or 4) tries to pretend to be your doctor. "Oh my god. I think you need to change doctors, this is ridiculous, why would they let you go over so much. This isn't normal. You need to complain." Um lets see how many ways you are wrong. My doctor is head of OBGYN, she's one of the top rated OBGYNs in Canada, she is a high risk SPECIALIST and if she thought there was a reason to be concerned she'd do something about it. My doctor is YOUR doctors boss so how about you shut your pie hole and just leave me alone?

The hospital has a list of 20 women that are currently waiting to be induced. I'm number 8 on the list. Yesterday they told my husband that I would most likely be called in today. I still haven't gotten a call. Just to be on the safe side I called my doctor yesterday just to see if I'd need to see her for an appointment since I have to go once a week. My doctor told me to come in at 430pm. I get there and wait patiently in the waiting room. She gets paged to go deliver a baby and I'm freaking out now thinking she isn't going to see me.

She asks her assistant to get the room ready for me. She wants to examine me before she runs off to deliver the baby. I go to the examining room. Doctor comes in, I'm 2cm dilated. She's furious that I haven't been called in for an induction yet. She said she's been watching my name move up on the list but she isn't happy about where I am. She told me if I don't go into labor on my own by Thursday that she is inducing me same day no matter what. The hospital is full right now. The birthing center is over flowing (I guess people had nothing better to do in July...its true we had a miserable summer!!) and they have no beds (great perk to free health care eh?). She is going to find me a place if I don't do this on my own by Thursday. She told me to take it easy though. She doesn't want me walking around trying to get labor started because she doesn't want my MG to flare up and then cause problems when it comes time to push. We really want to do a natural birth (with epidural) and avoid a c-section at all costs. If my body gets too tired, I'll have no choice but to get a c-section.

So now here I am Wednesday morning at nearly 7am writing a blog. My spirits are in a bit better mood because I know that no matter what, this will all be over with by tomorrow. I'll finally get to hold my little princess in my arms.

Breast is Best?

So I've been debating writing this post or not. Its been a long time coming. All day long on blogs I read and people I follow on Twitter are pushing breast feeding. No, not recommending it, basically shoving it down peoples throats with their random facts, trying to brain wash you that if you don't breastfeed that you are poisoning your child with formula and that you are a bad mother. A horrible mother. A mother who basically shouldn't have children if you aren't willing to breast feed.


The other day I read a quote on twitter that kind of got my blood boiling. It was something along the lines of "Breastfeeding may not be the right choice for all mothers but it is the best choice for all babies". Um excuse me? Is that so? Is breastfeeding really right for every child? Do the benefits of breastfeeding really outweigh those of formula feeding no questions asked?

I seriously doubt that. Now, let me explain to you my situation. I was never the type of person to even consider breastfeeding. No particular reason why, I just didn't want to. I'm not going to say it repulses me because it doesn't. I'm not going to say there aren't health benefits because there are. I'm not going to say much other than I simply didn't want to. My mom never breastfed my sister or I and we turned out pretty damn okay. My husband wasn't breastfeed and he's alright too. Over the past what, 40 years they have said "Ohhhh breastfeed its the best thing you can do for your kid...." then a few years later its like "Ohhhh formula feeding is best you should do that..." and then a few years later... yeah it just goes back and forth.

When I was 13 years old I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Myasthenia Gravis. My body produces way too many antibodies which causes my muscles to get weak and when they are weak they affect the way I live my everyday life. I have trouble going up stairs when I'm weak, I have trouble getting off of the couch, chewing and swallowing become labored, and even speaking is hard because my throat will lock up. All in all its NOT a fun disease to have but I have managed to control it. I've been in remission for a few years with only an occasional flare up.

Getting pregnant was bittersweet for me. I wanted nothing in the world more than to be pregnant and start a family but at the same time I was scared shitless. My disease could flare up hardcore and send me into a really big relapse which would have me bedridden for the entire duration of my pregnancy. I was extremely lucky. I had a minor flare up right around 4 months pregnant and my neurologist just increased the dosage of my medication but the disease has been manageable. Not much has changes in the way I live my life pregnant vs not pregnant. The pregnancy didn't make me ultra weak like we were expecting.

So whats the point? The point is that when you breastfeed your child your antibodies are transferred to your child. Is that really what I want to give my child? I want the things that make me sick to go into my little girl? No, its not a hereditary disease and I can't give it to her BUT she does have a 20% chance of being born with neonatal MG until her body starts producing her own antibodies. Because of this I had decided before I got pregnant that I would not breastfeed. I wouldn't even entertain the thought.

Then I did. I did entertain the thought. I had an appointment with my neurologist who has followed a few pregnant myasthenics in his career and asked him on his thoughts regarding breastfeeding and MG. He recommended that I NOT breastfeed. He explained to me that breastfeeding was very taxing on a womans body regardless of MG or not so imagine how that would amplify my condition. Again, I had decided against breastfeeding. Sorry, call me selfish call me vain but I don't like being weak. The thought of my body relapsing because I am breastfeeding scares the crap out of me. The thought of my child sitting in her crib crying for me to pick her up but I'm too exhausted to get off the couch/bed freaks me out. I just don't want to risk it. How can I properly care for my child if breastfeeding will cause me to have a MG flare up or relapse?

Then at my 35 week appointment with my OBGYN I started to ask her more questions about how exactly would we deliver. Would I be pushing or would that be too taxing on my body and we would schedule a C-section. How would my labor be different from non myasthenics and have any of her other patients breastfed? (Mind you blogs and twitter are forcing me to look into this entire situation. I'm being told I'm a horrible mother for even THINKING of using formula!!) She explained to me that she does recommend that I breastfeed for at least 3 weeks after giving birth but to call MotherRisk and ask more questions just to be sure. Mother Risk told me that there wasn't enough information on MG and breastfeeding BUT I can be sure that the medication I am taking will not pass through to the milk so the medication is safe. That's fine. I appreciated the honesty of the lady I spoke with and thanked her for the little information she was able to find. About 20 minutes later she called me back with a little more information she was able to dig up.

The lady from Mother Risk informed me that although I can not pass the disease on to my child I can pass the symptoms on to her if I'm having a flare up. Basically she won't have MG but she will have the symptoms such as weakness in the muscles, trouble swallowing etc. So while feeding her I'd have to really be watching her sucking/swallowing motion because I'm making her sick. Yeah, I'd be making my kid sick. I'm 28 years old and I get so frustrated when I have a flare up I could not imagine what its like being a few weeks old and unable to swallow the food I need to survive. How can I do that to my kid? How do I do that with a clear conscious because hey, breastfeeding may not be best for me but its best for EVERY kid...no questions asked.

Still, I said I'd look into it even further. Yes, with all this information coming my way screaming NO DON'T DO IT, I'm still looking into it. I was advised to contact La Leche League Canada as they provide mothers and mothers to be with breastfeeding questions, support, help, consultation etc. I looked up the contact number to one local to me and I gave the lady a call. I filled her in ONLY on the condition I had and my questions regarding breastfeeding. I did NOT tell her what other doctors, research, etc had told me. I wanted to hear what she had to say for herself. Again she was honest and told me that she didn't have too much information but she would make some calls and get me the information I desired. The next morning she called me back and told me what she had found out. Although 98% of the information she gave me was AGAINST breastfeeding she was adamant that I try it. She told me about my child picking up symptoms of MG and how it could be dangerous for the kid (choking instead of swallowing!) but that breast is best. I told her that I would feel guilty knowing that I am causing my child to be ill and her response had me floored. It was along the lines of, "Not as guilty as you will feel not breastfeeding and knowing what other diseases you can cause her to get. Did you know that non breastfed children are 30% more likely to get leukemia than breastfed children?"

Are you fucking kidding me? You want to use scare tactics in order to push your agenda? You are meant to be SUPPORTING mothers but instead you want to scare them into doing something they aren't completely comfortable with and that most research points AGAINST? You want to scare me into breastfeeding my child by telling me what can potentially happen in many years from now?

Now, I'm not the best at statistics, in fact I think I had to take the course twice in university before I passed it but there is one quote I will NEVER forget from a very smart professor. "If you beat data hard enough it will give you the results that you want." What does that mean? I'm not saying there aren't proven benefits to breastfeeding children but I am saying that saying my kids is more likely to develop leukemia because shes going to be fed by a bottle is complete and utter bullshit. Did scientist go around to every person with leukemia and poll them on if they were breastfed or not? Did they go to a region where breastfeeding isn't as popular to get their numbers? Really? Seriously? Don't try to scare me into doing something I'm not comfortable with because I'm not as naive as other people you may speak to or as easy to influence.

I kindly told the LLLC lady to go fly a kite and that scaring me was not a way to convince me to try anything, but its actually more likely to piss me off into NOT doing something. Here are some stats for you.

I have one cousin who has 4 children, all 4 of her children were breastfed for different periods of time ranging between 6 months to 2 years (she had to quit breastfeeding during her pregnancies because she was high risk which is why the ranges are so broad.) and all 4 of her children are sick or are sicker than "the average kid".

Another one of my cousin has 3 children and all 3 of them were breastfed and they are all extremely healthy. They barely even get the sniffles.

My other cousin has 2 kids. Both of them were formula fed until they were able to start on cows milk solid food. Never breastfed. These kids are totally healthy and extremely smart.

So according to my "research" my stats show that breastfeeding is WORSE. Out of 7 breastfed kids 4 are chronically ill or have life lasting illnesses. Out of the 2 formula fed babies 2 are very healthy and show no developmental issues or anything else that the breastfeeding police try to shovel our way.

What I'm not understanding at all is why is it that breastfeeding parents/advocates are allowed to push their agenda on non breastfeeding people however if formula feeders do that we are horrible people? We are trying to poison the world and our children and we are spreading lies.

Hmmm maybe next time someone asks me if I'm going to breastfeed or not and then give a shocked/disgusted look when I say "No" I'll just reply with, "Oh please, don't hate me because you couldn't afford to formula feed your child."

Wait, I forgot...I'm a better person than that and I don't judge others for their decisions. Breastfeeding maybe right for person X whereas formula feeding is right for person Y. I don't tell people "Oh my God, you are breastfeeding, what are you a freaking cow!?" and at the same time I don't tell people "Well why don't you try formula feeding, its much less taxing on your body...". I let people make their own decisions regarding how they choose to raise their children and how they choose to feed their children. If someone I know is formula feeding my first response isn't, "Did you at least TRY to breastfeed and found you had problems?" I just accept that was their decision.

No one questions WHY YOU choose to breastfeed, why would you question why I choose to formula feed? When a few people found out about my MG and thats why I'm not breastfeeding they ask me if I've considered donor milk. Um, sorry but thats just wrong to ME. You may like it, you may choose to use that option if you can't breastfeed but I just can't see me doing that or even liking that. My best friend is pregnant and is due a month after I am. I can't see her sitting over here feeding her child and then I tell her "Hey I'll burp your little girl, can you feed mine?" Like I said before, breastfeeding doesn't sicken me but that does. It's just not an option that I am willing to consider because I don't believe that the benefits of breastfeeding are enough to make me feel like an inadequate mother by having other mothers pool their milk, have it bagged and shipped to me. Sorry, I'll take formula over that one.


I guess the entire point of this long winded post is that as mothers we face enough challenges in this world, why do we choose to berate, belittle, and insult those of us who choose to make different decisions than you? Support each other in whatever method of feeding they choose. If its not what you have chosen or would have chosen for your child and you can't accept that, then just shut up and keep your opinions to yourself.

Scary Doctors Visit

So it has been a while since I've actually blogged anything with content. My last blog was a bunch of useless rambling I think but hey, its my blog. I can write whatever I wish right?

So anyway, last Wednesday I had a prenatal check up with my OBGYN. I was going every 3 weeks but now that I've entered my 3rd trimester I have to go every two weeks. The last time I went to the doctors she was insisting that I get more rest. I explained to her that if I got any more rest that I'd be at the spa every single day. In all honesty, I work in an office sitting down most of the day. I come home and my husband has picked up around the house and even started cooking dinner. Now that its winter and my mom is here she'll call us over to invite us for dinner or tell us to swing by and pick up some food and just go home with it. I relax a lot. Mind you my job is stressful because I do work with SUB and DQ but I'm okay with that. I don't let it affect me right? At least I didn't think I let it bother me.

My doctor told me that week that she wanted me to take it easier. I agreed and began to not stress as much about work. I asked her if I had anything to be concerned about and she told me that my uterus was lower than normal for where I was in my pregnancy but nothing to worry about.

When I went last week again she stressed how much I had to take it easy. She measured me to see how far I've expanded and she told me that I was about 5cms LESS than I should be. Since I was 30 weeks I should be 30cms but I am only 25cms. Then she told me that I was going to have a small baby. I asked her again if I had anything to be concerned about and she told me no...but then she told me to go upstairs and schedule an ultra sound for two weeks and to come downstairs right away with my results. So I start to freak out. Obviously my kid isn't going to be huge. I've barely gained any weight so I wouldn't expect for Demi to be huge. Then I stopped to think about it and if the doctor, who is a high risk specialist and head of OBGYN in my hospital, was really concerned wouldn't she make me schedule the U/S right away? Why wait for two weeks?

Then she also mentioned that I wasn't going to make it to full term pregnancy. I technically have 10 weeks of pregnancy left but the doctor said that she'd be happy to keep Demi in her uterus home for the next 6 weeks. She also made me stop work effective Jan 29th but I already had that day off so the 28th was my last official day of work. I'm still working from home and training my replacement via email and telephone and I do still go in but for half days. I promised my boss I wouldn't leave him high and dry. My replacement is good but she does still need some training. She's unsure of how to do some things even though they've been clearly laid out for her in the binder...some people need to DO things and not read about them so its completely understandable!

I've been trying to stuff my face since my doctors appointment to gain weight so that Demi can gain weight but I'm not getting any more plump. I took it ultra easy at my sister's wedding. I only danced to the english portion of the music and not for the entire time either. I barely went up and down the stairs (the owners of the reception hall were nice enough to open the handicapped bathroom upstairs for Nicole and I).

I have to admit I'm really freaking out about Demi being small. I'm a planner for everything and I never planned on having a small baby. I never planned for anything to go wrong with my pregnancy, not that anything went wrong. I know I'm high risk and thats why I see a specialist. Considering that we were expecting the worst for my pregnancy with my mysathenia gravis and everything had gone so well we were never expecting to hear that Demi is small. Like, how small is small? I guess only time will tell...aka the ultra sound. It's going to tell me how big she is. According to What to Expect when Expecting she should be about 3 pounds by now. Doesn't that seem small?


So am I over reacting and stressing over nothing or did my doctor give me stuff to truly be concerned about? I'm having a mini heart attack here but I do a good job of covering it up so my hubby and parents don't see me worrying. If I worry aloud they worry too.