Cartoons Suck

So a long time ago, maybe not that long ago, my beautiful friend Veronica over at CrunchyVTMommy wrote a blog post about which cartoon characters she hated and why. People got in an uproar not understanding how a mom can hate on tv designed especially for kids. I can't find that post but I did find this one where it talked about how Caillou is a douche.


Guess what? I agree. I totally do. What a whiny little bitch. "But Daddy I want to play hockey with the big kids even though I can't skate, shoot the puck, or have a hockey stick...please daddddddy" "Oh no mommy I broke the ugly cup that grandma made you and I went to the craft store with grandma to make you a new one and these paints are sooooooo ugly...." "Gilbert doesn't want to play with me...." Oh shut the frak up you stupid whiny brat.

Excuse me, he's 4 (according to the theme song) why does he not have any hair? Why hasn't he been to a doctor to see why he has no hair. This is seriously bothering me. You know what else bothers me? At the end of the opening "credits" Caillou jumps out of the car and runs to his grandparents on their porch BEFORE mommy or daddy are even out of the car. Um how did he get out of his car seat? Is it really that easy for him to get out? And HELLO mom and dad were still in the car....no child safety locks? I'd be concerned if my 4 year old made a habit of jumping out of moving cars.

For the record, I never put Caillou on at my house. I saw how my cousin's kids liked him (ie WORSHIPED) him and I hated it. I wouldn't put it on EVER. Then daycare happened. For 15 minutes a day while the educator gets the class room ready for lunch she puts the tv on. It's always Caillou. ALWAYS. She came home after her first week there and was saying CAILLOU. God how I hated my life. I now have set my DVR to record episodes of that stupid show because an average show is 11 minutes which is perfect for post bath relaxing. I put her on my bed while we put on a diaper, massage her little body, get her dressed, and brush her hair. After the show is over she goes to bed.



I started looking at other shows and I realize that they are all about setting kids up for failure. I personally LOVE Mickey Mouse ClubHouse. Seriously. I love the songs they sing and watching D dance to them. But I don't get it. All their Mousektools make no sense. They need to get from one side of a creek to another side so you know what they do? They use hippos to hop on or they use a giant bendy straw as a slide... Does that make sense? Kids are going to think that they'll always have the right thing in their backpack to solve all the worlds problems. They need to get something off a very high shelf (if its there maybe it is because someone didn't want Mickey et al to have it) so they use GIANT BUILDING BLOCKS! Sure, let's teach kids how to stack and climb on blocks. Yes, that is exactly what I want to teach my kids. Hey Walt Disney, give me your address so I can send you the bill for all of D's broken bones from following Mickey's lead. I especially like teaching the kids how to use a giant candy cane to get things out of the sky or again off a top shelf. Maybe Mickey should tell his friends that if Professor Von Drake up something that high up its because the gang shouldn't be messing with it. Maybe Mickey should tell kids that if they use something long to get something off a shelf that they risk knocking other things down and knocking them in the head with it...

I kind of would rather have D watching those old "violent racist" cartoons. You know like Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote. Bad guy tries to catch the good guy and he gets in all kinds of trouble. Speedy Gonzales. Sure we are being "racist" by saying Mexicans run fast and speak with an accent but it was just FUNNY. They weren't trying to TEACH use anything. Just keep us entertained. But nope, those are now considered dangerous, violent, racist, and too racy for our children. Cuz you know, watching Pepe Le Pew would make our children start whoring themselves out.

Cartoons now a days suck. They all TRY to teach our kids something but they are just setting them up for failure. I'm waiting for the day that D sees a large puddle and calls out for Toodles waiting for a magic carpet or giant bendy straw to appear while I drag her ass AROUND the puddle, you know....common sense! And seriously why can't they ever use the wrong tool!? They NEVER pick the wrong tool. Why? Mickey doesn't make mistakes?! Maybe he should have picked the piggy bank over the balloons just ONCE! Speaking of piggy banks, Um Pete... Yeah that guy is straight up a creep. He's like a bookie and a pan handler all at once, always begging for money, beans, corn kernels or something.."No Mickey you can't get on this ferris wheel to rescue Daisy who is floating away unless you pay me 10 coins per level..you need 7 levels so I need 7 coins!" "Dude my friend is floating away...we are missing our window of opportunity to save her with this giant candy cane if I don't get high enough." "70 coins or that bitch gets lost in the treetops"....."Fine, its a good thing that Toodle's packed my piggy bank with exactly 70 coins".