If my house could talk

If my house could talk it would say a lot of things.... A LOT.

The Kitchen:

Dear George (That's Hubby) even though you have state of the art everything in kitchen there are some things that the appliances and fixtures can not do. As of yet LG has not invented a dishwasher that loads and unloads itself. Also, the dishes sitting in the sink will not automatically jump into the dishwasher. Side note from the dishwasher: George those prongs in the racks are for holding dishes. Stop putting the glasses NEXT to the prongs and instead put them ON the prongs. This will stop the glasses from breaking and your wife from yelling at you.

The kitchen table would like to let you know then when you finish eating your dinner, the olives will not magically jump into the fridge again. How is it that you can always remember to put everything away but the olives? Did they do something to offend you once?


The Bathroom:

Dear Jenny and George why oh why did you buy an all glass sink if you don't feel like cleaning me every time someone uses me? I hate having spots all over me all of the time. Maybe a porcelain sink would have been more your style considering you think cleaning is a curse. Also, George, can you please ask your father to stop peeing on the floor? The toilet is there to catch the pee and poo, not the ceramic tiles. Jenny told me that she doesn't like to always have to clean pee off the floor when he's finished.

The Laundry room:

Dear George, there are hampers in this room to throw dirty clothes and towels in. Please stop throwing dirty shit on my floor. I don't walk around your house and throw dirty things all over the place do I?

The Laundry baskets:

Dear Jenny, once your cleaning lady washes the clothes, irons the clothes, and puts them back nice and folded into a laundry basket can you please find the time to put the clothes away? You currently have 3 full laundry baskets of clean clothes in your room. Put us away PLEASE! No it doesn't count when you quickly throw your clothes in drawers when the cleaning lady shows up because you know she'll need more laundry baskets. The drawers are getting empty and the baskets are getting heavy. Please lighten the load a bit!

The Bed:

Dear Jenny, ever since you took the Michael Kors bedding off of me you no longer make the bed. Thats not fair. I'm the most disheveled room in the house and it makes me feel like I'm an outcast. The other bedrooms and furniture make fun of me all the time. How come you only straighten me out when guests are coming over or a few minutes before getting into bed? I understand that you like to sleep in a freshly made/soothed out bed but I like to enjoy the full day all made up and pretty. You don't go out for dinner with wrinkled clothes and no makeup (actually you hardly wear makeup)...well I don't like to stay home alone all day in wrinkled sheets. Please make more of an effort to make me daily....pretty please. Oh yeah, I really liked the Michael Kors bedding, can you buy me more?

That is all I can think of for now. I wasn't really in the mood to blog but I was sure I needed to. LOL


Oh a side note: I deleted a bunch of blogs that I follow due to them no longer writing things I enjoy (its always them trying to win giveaways, hosting give aways that aren't open to Canadian residents, lack of writing blogs, and finally lack of commenting on blogs. Poop on them!)

P.S. How do you guys find new and interesting blogs to follow/read/enjoy? I keep landing on the WRONG blogs! Help me find new people to read please!

Dear Cleaning Lady & Dear Husband:

*Open Letter to my Cleaning Lady*

Dear Cleaning Lady,

I am writing you this letter because I want thank you for the wonderful job you do cleaning my house. In fact, my house was spotless today so I decided to take pictures and post them on Facebook. You do a wonderful job. I appreciate everything you do however I have some comments that I'd like to make and hope that you do not take offense.


1. You are a cleaning lady, not an interior decorator. Can you please stop moving my vases, candle holders, and things around. Everything is put exactly where I like it. I figured you would have noticed when you come back and find it back where I originally had it instead of where you have moved it. I swear, it looks good the way I have it.

2. Please stop doing my laundry. I know this sounds ungrateful but I really prefer to do my own laundry. I'm very picky about how things are washed and the bleach in the laundry room is only for using to clean, not actually wash my clothes with it. I don't wash anything with bleach. That's right I don't even wash my whites with bleach because over time it makes things turn yellow, it melts the clothes and pretty please stop washing things in hot water. I love my clothes and wash them with black to retain their color and there are a lot of things I won't throw in the dryer. I love that you are doing this extra thing free of charge but please, I'd rather do it myself.

3. Please do not redo/reorganize my kitchen cabinets. I have things organized in a way that I can find them. I also don't like coming home to find my unopened bag of sugar open and now in a really huge plastic tub that takes up more room then the bag of sugar did. I would understand if it was an open bag and it went into a smaller Tupperware to save space but this thing is massive. Also, don't open my pasta bags and put them in Tupperware. I use my Tupperware for other things. Like, for storing things in my fridge that are already cooked or to send food to my father in law.

4. You know those bottles of infused oil I have on my counter every time you come? No its not because I cooked the night before and forgot to put them back. Those infused bottles are beautifully decorated (hand painted) and have wonderful seasonings inside to make the bottle pretty. It belongs on the counter so its a decoration AND its handy for when I cook. Would it make sense to cook in the kitchen and keep my pots and pans in the bathroom? Nooooope! It also doesn't make sense to have my infused oils in the cabinets. They need to be handy.

5. Please stop putting Dallas' shampoo in the shower. My husband tends to be pretty bobo-ish at times and I'd hate for him to suds up his head with puppy shampoo. Dallas is the only one who uses the bath tub therefore we have his puppy shampoo next to the tub on the shelf thing. I've personally never used puppy shampoo but I don't think I want to know what it is going to feel like if it accidently gets into my eyes? Or imagine my husband goes out and all of a sudden these dogs start chasing him because they smell a freshly washed puppy?

6. The book that is on my night table really shouldn't be put back on the book shelves. I have a hard time finding my book when you do that. Is it under my coffee table in the living room? Is it on one of the book shelves in the junk room? Oh dear lord, please tell me you didn't put it in the basement. It's completely undone down there and to be honest with you, I'm scared to see it!

That is all I have for you. If you have any complaints about me and BooBoo just let me know and I'll work on it. I'd really like it if you could work on these as well and our mutual working relationship will prosper!

Thank You,



*Open Letter to Husband*

Dear BooBoo,

I love you very much and I have very few complaints. If you could work on these two things I'd love you even more.

1. Please for the love of God do not wash clothes. I went to take Dallas' Montreal Canadiens blanket out of the dryer this morning and I found that not only did you wash that but you washed our throws (one brown and one white) with kitchen towels (white) and some black socks and a blue shirt of yours. Honey, you have to wash like colors with like colors.

2. When you walk in through the front door or garage door there is a closet or coat rack and shoe racks. Please put your shoes and jacket there. Do not use my kitchen chairs as a coat rack or the wall between the garage door and the kitchen as a shoe area. I almost tripped on your shoes coming into the house today. Please put your jackets and shoes away or slowly you will notice you own less and less things :)

Love,

Your wifey!